The Deal Taker (Book III)

Chapter Nineteen - The Lonely

                                                                 Chapter Nineteen

                                                                      The Lonely

It was a relief to be back at home, especially after spending an entire night socializing. I slept through all of the day and a good portion of the night, drained from all of the traveling. Matthew was concerned about how long I was sleeping, mostly because he himself wasn't affected by the amount of traveling; vampires sleep only during the daytime, and humans sleep anytime they feel exhausted, obviously. Also I'm quite the lazy bum when I want to be and was too lazy to even get out of bed.

But that wasn't the whole reason I didn't get out of bed.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Adeline had told me about Matthew, about me. Every time I looked at Matthew I would wonder "What are you hiding? Are you thinking about it right now?" I kept thinking about what Matthew could possibly be hiding from me. It's not like he has hurt anyone I cared about recently, and I don't have anyone I care about he could be somehow controlling. Which led me to the next thing I was wrestling with.

I have no one.

I literally had no one; not a single friend. There was Lacey, of course, but Lacey is rarely around and I can't tell her anything without worrying she'd tell Matthew or Beth. Everyone I have met through Matthew I cannot truly befriend because they will always be loyal to Matthew first, and whatever I may say could lead back to him. As much as I connect with people such as Lacey or even Adeline, I can't trust them or tell them anything about what I've learned. Yes, Adeline was the one who told me all of this, but I also know Matthew has everyone wrapped around his finger, and Adeline's fiancé is her weakness.

I also thought about the other thing Adeline had mentioned, about me finding a friend during a desperate situation. I had laughed at her about it because, at the time, I thought it was ridiculous for me to have a friend change my life. Friendship has never been a big deal for me. But now, as I lied in my bed by myself thinking of the future anguish I'm supposed to face, I realized how much weight would be taken off of my shoulders if I could tell someone about this. Back when I struggled with my addiction to drugs and alcohol, I had David to speak to about the pain I felt and the people who caused it.

But David is dead, and I'm married to his killer.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. I've been used to it being only me, but I have also never had weight such as this on my shoulders. That's why I couldn't seem to get out of bed; I couldn't stop thinking. I wanted to get out and clear my head.

Matthew came into the room about midnight, his forehead wrinkled in concern. "Anna, I know you sleep a lot, but I think being in be fourteen hours is a record."

I rolled onto my back and let out a sigh. "...If I asked to go out for a drive, what would your reaction be?"

He sat down at the foot of the bed and gave my leg a light pat, not seeming too concerned my request. "Where to? We can drive to your house, if you want?"

"That's not what I meant." I sat up so we were facing each other. "I want to go out for a drive myself. Just to get out of the house. I haven't gotten the chance to do something on my own in a while and I kind of miss it."

There it was, the confusion flashing in his eyes. He stared at me, a brow partially raised, and hesitated for several seconds. "...Did I do something?"

I tried not to let him see anything in my face that would cause him to be suspicious. Instead I shook my head and managed an eye-roll. "It's not you, surprisingly." I gave a laugh and looked down at my hands. "I haven't had a chance to be alone since before we were married."