There's a case in Elwood, Indiana. Alien abductions. I personally don't believe in alien but let's see what's here. We start interviewing people on the street.
"I'm here because I believe that Elwood, Indiana has become a center of extraterrestrial activity. My name is Wayne Whitaker JR, and I have personally recorded dozens of eye witness accounts, strange lights in the sky, mysterious presences attempting contact. We are in the middle of what we in the field like to call a UFO flap, and I am as happy as a pig in shoes."
"There was this light. And then Patrick just vanished." Chick named Kim. It's because of her boyfriend that we're here. "What happened to him? Something took him! I know it!"
It's all happening, you know? I mean, these entities have come to help push humanity to the next stage." Chick named Sparrow Jennings says.
"Since this while damned circus has blown into town, no one seems to realize we got four missing persons cases wide open. My friends lost loved ones." The sheriff says. "I can guarantee you that this has nothing to do with UFO's, little green men. Nothing extraterrestrial whatsoever."
"Of course it's not UFO's. It's fairies." A woman named Marion says.
"Fairies. Okay. Well, thank you for your input." Dean says.
"What? Flying saucers not insane enough for you?" I ask.
"What newspaper did you say you worked for?" She asks.
"Okay, if you're want to add flitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whackadoo all over us. We'd rather not step in it." Sam says.
"Okay, we're done." Dean says.
"The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister." I say.
"It's a blood sugar thing. My apologies." Dean says pulling me and Sam away.
"What?" I ask.
"What? You gotta ask? Right, yes, you do have to ask."
"Look, I'm sorry, but this is all a big joke, right, and we're not actually taking this UFO crap seriously?" Sam says.
"No, man. ET is made of rubber. Everybody knows that. But there are four legitimate vanishings in this town. Something's going on. And by the way, it's not the lady's fault that she took the brown acid."
"Yeah! So?" I ask.
"Empathy, guys, empathy. I mean, the old you would have given her some wussified, dew-eyed crap."
"Old us had souls, were souls. Whatever." Sam says.
"Right! Yes, and you don't, aren't. Whatever."
"Right." I say.
"Right. You don't care." Dean says.
"Well-"
"You have to care!"
"About what exactly?" Sam asks.
"About everything guys! About being human at least."
"Look, Dean. You obviously care. A lot. And that's great. But we can't care about what...we can't care about it, you know? What do you want us to do? Fake it?" I ask.
"Yes. Absolutely. Fake it. Fake it till you make it." Dean says.
"What happened to you wanting us to be all honest?" Sam asks.
"Hey, you wanna be a real boy? You gotta act the part."
"We were faking it, Dean! Ever since we all got back on the road together, we were picking every freaking word. It's exhausting." I say.
"Okay, Alright. But until we get you two back on the soul train, I'll be your conscience, okay?"
"So you're saying you'll be out... Jiminy Cricket." Sam says.
"Shut up. But yeah, you freaking puppets. That's exactly what I'm saying." We go to visit the father of the first kid that disappeared.
"Mr. Brennan?" I ask as we enter his clock shop.
"Mmm?"
"We're with The Mirror. We would like to ask you-"
"What? Is this about Patrick? Patrick's gone." He interrupts Sam.
"Missing. Right. Yes, that's what we want to talk to you about." Dean says.
"Now, your son was the first to disappear." I say.
"First to be taken." Mr. Brennan says.
"Taken." I correct myself.
"Get out! Out!" He starts yelling.
"Mr. Brennan, who do you believe took your son?" Dean asks.
"You people can't help me. My boy is never coming back."
"You sound awfully sure." Sam says.
"Excuse me?"
"Like you know something you're not talking about." I say.
"Okay, alright." Dean says.
"You know what they say. 72 hours. After that, the odds of finding a missing person drop to nothing, right?"
"Well, every case is different."
"It's been weeks."
"Alright. Listen. Call us if anything comes to mind." Dean says, handing the man a business card.
"What do you think?" Sam asks once we're outside.
"I think he's hiding something. Why don't you stay and watch Watchmaker and see what happens when the sun goes down, and I'll go check out the crop circles." Dean says.
"Okay dokey." I say.
"But do not engage with, maim, or in any way kill Brennan. In fact, I don't want you making any judgement calls whatsoever. Anything happens, call me."
"You know, Jiminy, we were on our own for a whole year. We did fine without you."
"Yeah. I don't want to know your definition of fine." When night finally hits me and Sam follow Brennan to the local bar and Dean heads to the cornfield. I pick up my phone and call Dean. "What?" He answers.
"The only thing this guy is up to is alcoholism." I say.
"Good."
"You know, maybe we should go talk to him again. I mean, you're the one who said he's hiding something."
"Shh! Shh!"
"What? You something? Dean, what's up?"
"Hang on a second. Holy..."
"Whoa! Stop yelling. You're breaking up. I didn't catch that last part."
"Close encounter! Close encounter!" Dean yells.
"Close encounter? What kind? First? Second?"
"They're after me!"
"Third kind already? You better run. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing."
"Empathy, Ash, empathy!"
"They still after you?" I ask.
"Come on!"
"Dean? Are you there? What happened? Dean?" I don't hear anything after that.
"Thanks." Sam says as a waitress hands him a beer. I hang up the phone.
"I think Dean got abducted." I say. Me and Sam decide to take a visit to the campsite the UFO enthusiasts are located.
"So, they're real. UFO's." Sam says talking to Wayne.
"Like I said before, the truth is out there."
"Okay, you're the expert. How do we get them?" I ask.
"Come again?"
"You hunt ET's, right. I need to know how to get them." Sam says.
"You and me both." Wayne says.
"This is it?" Sam says as he looks through a folder made by Wayne.
"Well, I'd say that 30 years of eyewitness accounts speak for themselves as incontrovertible proof-"
"Yeah, right. My brother was abducted so I'm pretty good on the whole proof part." Sam says. Sparrow, a chick we talked to earlier walks up to us.
"Your brother was abducted?" She asks.
"Yeah." I say.
"Oh my god."
"It's fine. I mean, I've had time to adjust." Sam says.
"Did it happen when you were kids?"
"No, like half an hour ago."
"So, you've been hunting UFO's for over three decades and you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads." I say.
"Well, I-"
"Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFO's." Sam says.
"I'd like to help. If I can." Sparrow says. We walk over with her to her camping area and she hands us all the research that she has which is basically nothing. Me and Sam leave and head back to the motel that we got when we first got to town. We've been up all night researching and nothing so we decide to take a break around 2 am and do stuff together... One thing leads to another and I'm lying in bed, on top of Sam...we're both pretty naked...and 2 hours later....
"Dean!" Sam yells. I turn my head and there's Dean who just walked through the door.
"What the hell!" Dean asks.
"You're back." I say. I get off Sam As quick as possible and we both get dressed. "What were they like?" I ask.
"They were grabby, incandescent douche bags."
"You're upset." Sam says.
"I was abducted. And you were banging my girlfriend....ex-girlfriend. Whatever."
"It wasn't that bad."
"I know she's not bad! I was abducted by aliens!"
"We were looking into it." I say.
"Looking into it! I was gone, for, like, an hour."
"An hour-"
"And most of that was walking back to town!"
"Dean, I think your watch is off. You've been gone all night." I say.
"What are you talking about? No, I haven't." I show him the time on my cell phone. 4 a.m."
"Yeah! UFO time slip. That actually falls in line with a lot of abduction stories." Sam says.
"Falls in line..."
"Yeah." I say. Sam pours a glass of whiskey.
"Nothing's falling in line."
"Here. Drink. Good." Sam hands Dean the glass.
"Thank you."
"Yeah. Now. Come on. Talk to us. What happened?"
"Well, uh, there was this... God help me, there was this bright white light."
"It's okay." I say as Sam pats Dean's leg.
"Safe room." Sam says.
"And then suddenly I was, uh, I was in a different place. And there were these beings and they were too bright to look at, but I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of table-"
"Probing table!" I say.
"God! Don't say that out loud."
"Right. So what did you do?" Sam asks.
"I went crazy. I started hacking and slashing and firing. They actually seemed surprised. I don't think anybody's ever done that before. Yeah. I had a close encounter, and I won."
"You should take a shower." I say.
"I should take a shower. I'm gonna take a shower now." Dean falls asleep after he's done in the shower.
We go to a diner the next day for lunch.
"So on top of all the demons and the angels and the ghosts and the skinwalkers, it turns out that there's, so if aliens are actually real, what's next? Hobbits? Seriously." Sam does a head nod thing at a girl walking by our table. "You just gave her the silent 'how ya doin'."
"What?" Sam asks.
"Our reality's collapsing around us and you're trying to pick up our waitress?"
"Yeah. Okay, looks. Brings up a question. So, say you got a soul and you're on a case and your brother gets abducted by aliens."
"Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back."
"Right! You do, but, what about when there are no more leads for the night? Are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?" I ask.
"YES!"
"What?" Sam asks.
"Yes, you sit in the dark and feel the loss."
"Absolutely! But couldn't we just do all that after we've had sex?"
"No!"
"It'd be in the dark."
"No you couldn't because you would be suffering and you can't just turn that off. And you don't bang your brother's girl!"
"Why not?" I ask.
"Because if you had a soul, your soul wouldn't let you."
"So you're saying having a soul equals suffering."
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."
"Like, the millions of times you almost called Lisa. So you're saying suffering is a good thing." Sam says.
"I'm saying it's the only game in town." Dean says.
"Okay, so how do we deal with the little green men?" I ask.
"Research. We've got about a century of UFO lore to catch up on, and there's no time for... What's up with that guy?" Dean says looking at the front window of the diner.
"Who?" Sam asks.
"The guy by the window giving me the stink eye."
"You mean the cop?" I ask. There's a cop talking to another guy by the window but he's not looking in Dean's direction.
"No, not the cop! The guy! He's right- Oh now he's gone."
"Who's gone?" I ask.
"Can we please just get out of here before I hit one of you?"
"Okay! Geez." Sam says. We head back to the motel, Sam heads out to the library.
Dean calls Sam after about an hour and puts him on speaker.
"You find anything?" Dean asks.
"Yeah. Way too much. Everyone on the planet believes in UFO's and they will not stop writing books about it."
"Yeah, well at least the books have punctuation. Alright, keep digging and we'll see what you got when you get back." I decide to hop in the shower. When I get out Dean is pacing back and forth and Sam is just walking through the door.
"Something happened." Dean says.
"What?" Sam asks. We follow him to the mircowave and he opens the door.
"Don't you see it?"
"See what?" I ask.
"See what? See the blood. See all the blechh."
"Sorry, man. We're not seeing it." Sam says.
"You don't see the ick? It's right there." Dean says getting frustrated.
"Okay, let's go with you see it and we don't. What the hell was it?"
"It was a... a little...naked lady, okay?"
"It was a what?" Sam asks.
"It was a, it was a little, glowing, hot naked lady. With nipples. And she hit me.
"We're not supposed to laugh, right? Okay. Sure. Um, so, shot in the dark here, but did this lady have wings?" Sam asks.
"What the hell made you say that?"
"She did, didn't she?" I say.
"Yeah, but how did, how'd you-"
"One of the fringier theories I came across. It's actually what crazy crystal lady was yammering about. What if these abductions have nothing to do with UFO's?" Sam says as he sets his laptop down and shows us what he found.
"What?"
"Okay, so these encounters have been going on for centuries, not with extraterrestrials but with ultra-terrestrials. People nowadays say 'space aliens' or whatever, but they used to call them-"
"Smurfs." Dean says.
"Fairies."
"Fairies? Come on!"
"Dean, there's a straight line between ET's and fairies. Glowing lights, abductions. It's all the same UFO stuff, just under a different skin."
"You seriously think that the secret with UFO's is-"
"Hey, you're the one who pizza-rolled Tinkerbell. I'm just doing the math. But this is good. This is a lead."
"A lead where?" Dean asks.
"That crazy lady." I say. We drive to Marion's trailer.
"Fairies. Sprites and spriggens. Bogarts and brownies. The little people have many names." She starts explaining to us. She pours us tea in very small tea cups.
"Well, that's, uh, that's her. That's the little-" Dean points at a figurine of a fairy.
"Ooh." Marion says.
"Anyway, I, uh, I get that Tinkerbells are fairies, but what about the tiny Santa Clause and the troll and the-"
"That's a garden gnome, and that's a large goblin, and-"
"But they're all fairies?"
"Yes. Faery comes in many shapes and sizes. Magical, mischievous beings from the realm next door."
"The fairy realm." I say.
"Mhmm."
"So, it's like another dimension?" Sam asks.
"Another reality! Yes. Only people who have been there and returned to our world can see the Faery here."
"Right. Umm, why are the fairies abducting people?" I ask.
"Mmm. There is much theory and little fact. We know they only take firstborn sons, just like Rumpelstiltskin did. Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, the king of the Faery."
"Dean? Did you service Oberon, King of the Fairies?" Sam asks.
"Marion. Let's say fairies are real, okay? What can we do about them?" Dean says.
"Sorry?"
"How can we...?"
"Interact with them." Marion says.
"Yes, yes. Forcefully interact." I say.
"Well, if you want to win a faery's favor, leave a bowl of fresh cream. They love cream."
"Okay, and more forcefully?" Dean asks.
"Oh. All Faery hate iron and the dark faery burn when touched with silver. What else. Oh! You can spill sugar or salt in front of them. No matter how powerful, the Faery must stoop to count each grain."
"Well, alrighty. That's wow. A lot to absorb. Thank you."
"Oh, oh, stay! Finish your tea."
"I gotta say, I love the feel, its uh..."
"It's like Sedona, Arizona crapped in here." Sam says.
"Cute-a-riffic! Is what it is." Dean says.
"Cute-a-riffic." I repeat.
"You have bigger cups?" Sam asks. As soon as our tea is done we're outside.
"God, is it on me? I feel like I've got the crazy on me."
"No, you did sit in some glitter, though." I say.
"Makes me want to believe in UFO's again."
"Doesn't really give us the next move, I grant you that. We can always put the call out to Bobby." Sam says. We see Mr. Brennan unloading a lot of cartons of cream into his shop.
"Hey. I'll be damned. Isn't that the watch guy?" I ask.
"Huh. They love cream." Sam says.
"Alright. You stick with half and half and I'm going to check out his store. And no banging!" Me and Sam follow Brennan to the bar. About half an hour later, Sam gets a call from Dean.
"Yeah?... What?... Lemme get back to you." Sam says then hangs up. "He's got them." Sam says. We both get up and walk over to him.
"So, Mr. Brennan. Hello again." I say. Me and Sam stand on either side of him.
"Leave me alone."
"Did we ever mention how beautiful your work is?" Sam says.
"What?" He asks. That got his attention.
"The watches. Just stunning." I say.
"What we can't figure out is how one man can put out that much product. I mean, hell, if we didn't know any better, I'd say you have a bunch of elves working for you." Sam says.
"Except we do know better, and you have a bunch of elves working for you."
"You're insane." Brennan says.
"So, tell us. How does a father decide to trade his son for a bunch of watches? I mean, I assume you have a soul so what's your excuse?" Sam says.
"You don't understand. It wasn't like that."
"Then how was it?" I ask.
"I supported my family for 30 years making those watches. It's the only thing I know how to do. Parkinson's. Was losing my hands. I was losing everything. My grandmother, she always used to say that they were real. She told me all of these stories when I was a kid about how to summon them, how to get favors from them."
"So you learned how to work a spell." Sam says.
"I mean, honestly, I doubted it would even work. I was just desperate. But she left me this book, so I did the ceremony in my back office two months ago and this man appeared and said he was a leprechaun."
"A leprechaun." I say.
"I asked him just to cure my hands, but he said he would do even better. He would make me more successful than I had ever been. He told me he'd bring a crew of workers, that I could save my business, save my name."
"In exchange for?" Sam asks.
"He just wanted a place for them to rest, to take of the fruit and fat of the land. I say yes, I wasn't thinking."
"And the fruit and the fat was?" I ask.
"My firstborn. Not just mine. There's been others. They're not stopping. They're not going to stop."
"There's gotta be a way to reverse the spell." Sam says.
"There is. But the book is in a safe in my shop. They won't let me near it. It's been a nightmare."
"You can see the fairies?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Well, let's go then." We leave the bar and start walking down the street. Sam tries calling Dean. "Don't worry Brennan. We can do this. My brother and us are gonna cover you while you reverse the ritual." As we walk around the corner of the street Dean is being cuffed and arrested and there's a small group of people watching.
"Dean! Hey! What happened?" I ask.
"Ash...Hey!"
"What are we supposed to do?" Sam asks.
"Fight the fairies, you fight those fairies." Dean gets shoved into the cop car. "FIGHT THE FAIRIES!!" We follow Brennan back to his shop and quietly sneak into the back door.
"Are they here?" Sam whispers.
"Yeah, but it's alright. Greenhats like tequila." Brennan quietly walks over to his safe and gets the spell book. He starts reciting the incantation to reverse the spell when Wayne appears behind him and stabs Brennan in the back.
"You! You're the leprechaun?" Sam asks.
"Indeed I am. Sorry about the mess, but your friend here went back on his deal."
"Well, you weren't very clear with him on the terms." I say.
"I told him there was a price. Once we come, we come to stay."
"So you take firstborns and then what? You just sit back and watch while they cover the abductions for you with all that crazy UFO crap? Which you help encourage, naturally. Nice con. But, your cover's blown now, 'Wayne'."
"Blown? To whom? Brennan's dead. Your brother? Heh. He's marked. Been to the ranch. He's ours now."
"Yeah. Well. Then there's us." Sam says.
"You? But you can only see me if I let you." Wayne says then disappears.
"True, but you'll have to get near us eventually, and we have very good reflexes." I say.
"You're not like the rest of them, are you?" He reappears behind us making us turn.
"Nope." Sam says.
"I could see that right off. You're missing a certain piece, right in the center, ain't you?"
"Says who?" I ask.
"We fairy folk? We're all about energy. And the human soul gives off a certain perfume. Your souls are far away. But not completely out of reach."
"Is that so?" Sam asks.
"I can get them back for you. For a price."
"That's adorable. They're locked in a box with the devil." I say.
"Your devil. Not mine."
"There's no freaking way a leprechaun can do what angels cannot." Sam says.
"Angels. Please. I'm talking about real magic, sonny. From my side of the fence. Got a way of getting in back doors."
"So you're our blue fairy? You can make me a real boy again?"
"When you wish upon a star."
"Yeah. I got a wish." I say as I shoot the leprechaun.
"Iron!! Painful but not a deal breaker." Sam shoots him this time. The leprechaun takes turns in beating matches with me and Sam, disappearing and reappearing.
"Come on, guys. You've already taken your best shot." I grab the salt shaker from my pocket that I brought earlier and undo it.
"You're right. I'm done shooting. So do me a favor. And count this." I say as I dump it all out on the floor.
"Oh no."
"Why didn't I do this earlier?" I ask. Sam finishes the spell Brennan started.
"Damnit." The leprechaun says.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So. Here's to the tiniest DA. At least they're dropping the charges." Dean says. We're standing by the car, each of us with a beer in hand. Me and Sam have explained to Dean what happened and he told us that he got beat up in a jail cell by a fairy.
"Little big man." I say.
"I was wondering something."
"Yeah?" Sam asks.
"You think Lucky Charms really could have, you know, soul to sender?"
"Come on. It's crazy to think. He did talk a good game though." I say.
"You said no. Why?"
"It was a deal. When's a deal ever been a good thing?" Sam asks.
"I'm just trying to figure out how it works in there."
"Dean, we still have all our brain cells. If anything, my brain works better now."
"Just making sure that's where your heads are at. That you're not having second thoughts about getting your soul back."
"Oh." Sam says.
"You're not, are you?" Me and Sam share a look and then answer together.
"No."
