Psycho ➳ H.S.

Chapter 17

I listened to "Hiding My Heart" by Adele while writing this (part of the reason why I cried omfg it's such a good song)- you should put it on while you're reading to get the true feeling of how this chapter felt to us!


Harry's knuckles turned a ghostly white as he impatiently gripped the steering wheel of Lucy's cramped car. He tried to keep his speed at the lowest maximum he could drive, but it still didn't feel fast enough. His sharp turns and swerves in and out of the lanes were only made to try and get him to the hospital before Lucas, and so far it was working. It was 6:07 PM and the August sun was still clear in the sky, which played to his benefit- at least he wouldn't be lurking around in the shadows after how the media painted him as a killer.

As soon as Harry approached his destination, he unlocked his belt and carelessly parked in an empty parking space. He pulled the keys from the ignition and ran into the building. Upon his entrance, he looked around; he felt as if there was so much adrenaline coursing through him that he couldn't think straight- he needed to focus; he needed to find her.

He went to the front desk where an old woman with sallow skin and heavy set wrinkles sat, typing in information onto the old computer in front of her. She reeked of mothballs. She ignored his presence as he stood there waiting, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as if she had more important things to do than to tend to the lowly needs of the patrons of the building. Harry cleared his throat- he had no time for games.

"Yes?" she croaked without tearing her eyes from the screen.

"I'm looking for someone. Carissa Lim?"

The woman exhaled a slow, lengthy breath and typed in Carissa's name into the computer.

"Floor 15, Recovery Ward C, Room 19A," she droned, writing the information down on a slip of scrap paper. By the time she was finished, she realized that the frantic man with thick, curly hair was no longer in sight.

Harry quickened the pace at which his legs travelled, hopping into the elevator and pushing the button to the fifteenth floor multiple times until the doors shut. His heart beat faster and faster; he could hear his pulse in his ears. The eerie whir of the elevator travelling upwards sent a chill down his spine- perhaps it was the fact that half the people in the building were moribund.

He reasoned that if Lucas was being escorted to the hospital, he'd have no choice but to be in the hands of security guards and doctors for at least a couple hours while they checked him for injuries. At least that bought him a bit of time for him to find Carissa before Lucas did. The elevator finally made it to Floor 15, and Harry slipped out of the doors as soon as he could.

Harry was quick to react to the signs- Recovery Ward C, to the far left, and Room 19A, which was on the right side of the corridor. The floor was only lit by several lights upon the ceiling, so the area had been dimmed significantly in comparison to the main lobby. His footsteps echoed down the deserted hallway. He sped up, sprinting down the halls until he met the darkened area where Carissa's room was.

He passed the rooms carefully, counting the numbers as they passed: 13A, 14A, 15A, 16A, 17A, 18A, 19A.

He took a deep breath and took his focus from the room number to the window on the door. Inside he saw her laying there, her leg elevated on a sling that hung from the ceiling. What had happened? Why was her leg in bandages? What happened to the rest of it? He felt like throwing up- what did she do to hurt herself so badly? She was resting in her bed, facing the window, and hooked up to a heart monitor.

Harry reached out for the handle and turned it slowly, careful not to wake her. The room was silent, save the soft, constant beeping of the machine she was connected to to measure her pulse. He shut the door with a click, turned on the light which illuminated a small lamp by her bedside, and tiptoed over to her window, drawing the blinds to a close.

Harry turned and observed her again, only this time he paid attention to detail. Her eyes were swollen and remnants of tears sat upon her cheeks as a sheen of pain she let trickle down her face. The soft rise and fall of her chest under the blue hospital gown she wore was barely noticeable; a slow waltz could be played to the beating of her heart. Little tubes and needles were stuck into her arms; the little bag connected to the clear tube read morphine. Her leg was still the thing that struck him as confusing- the amount of force it took to tear the tibia from the femur was beyond what he could imagine. There was no doubt she was still upset with him, and rightfully so, but she had to know he was there.

But in that very moment, despite the fact she was in a hospital bed, she had never looked so peaceful- even his memory of her sleeping beside him in his bed could not compare to the wistful slumber she was presently in. Her hair fanned out on her pillow, once again looking like little winding rivers looking for oceans to pour into. Part of him didn't want to wake her- he just wanted to watch her sleep- but he knew it had to be done. There were so many things she needed to know and so many things he had to tell her.

"Carissa?" he whispered, gently shaking her shoulder, "Carissa, wake up."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she pressed her eyes shut. Harry shook her again. Her eyes slowly drifted open, but he was taken aback when she was struck with fear. She tried to back away from him but couldn't because of her leg.

"Hey, hey," he crooned in attempts to calm her down, "it's okay. It's me."

Harry held up his hands in surrender as she sat up in a panic. Harry noticed the dark purple bruises on the soft skin of her neck and suddenly fury overtook him. He didn't see them when she was lying down because her hair cascaded over the marks, but now they were clearer than day.

"Who did that to you?" he demanded, his voice getting louder than he wanted it to be.

"Harry...Harry you need to leave."

"Not until you tell me-"

"Stop," she interjected, closing her eyes and placing her hand on her forehead, "I just...I want you to leave."

"Carissa-"

"Leave!" she shouted hoarsely. She started to cry, and she furiously wiped her tears away. Harry stood and wished he could hold her and comfort her out of crying, but he knew that if he touched her she would only get angrier. "I don't want you to be here!"

She sobbed into her hands. He noticed bruises on her wrists, like the one he had given her all those weeks ago, and frowned. He needed to do something about it- he couldn't just let her sit there and cry and not try to help. Harry stepped towards her, but she threw her fists at him to get him to back off.

"Leave!" she repeated, grabbing the tissue box from her side table and hurling it at him, "Leave!"

"You want me to leave?" he yelled, taking the box and chucking it at the wall, "Fine!"

Harry stormed to the door and was about the swing it open when he paused. The soft, muffled sound of her sniffling wasn't the way he wanted to remember her. He shut his eyes and inhaled, then turned around and walked back to her.

"Harry, stop-"

"I'm sorry," he apologized, reaching his hands out to her cheeks which were reddened and glistening once again, "I didn't mean to raise my voice. I missed you and I don't know what's going on. Just please let me stay."

Carissa stopped fighting against him, partly because she felt too weak to carry on. She gave in and lay herself back down; Harry ran his thumb under her bloodshot eyes to rid her of her tears.

"What happened to you?" she asked quietly in hopes of drawing his attention away from her, cocking her head at the cuts on his lip and eyebrow.

"Bar fight- you should see the other guy," he teased. They both smiled weakly. Harry continued to stroke her cheek- he hadn't realized how much he wanted to feel her skin again. "What about you?"

She didn't say anything. Her silence held more meaning that what she could say out loud. Harry walked over to the other side of her bed, furthest from the door, and sat down in the chair after taking off his coat and laying it on the arms. He played with her hair and stared at her.

"Did he do that to you?" he asked, referring to the marks on her neck. Tears fell again, but she shook her head. Harry clamped his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're a horrible liar."

"I can't tell you who did it."

"Why?"

"I could hurt you-"

"I'm already hurt," he interrupted. He desperately wanted to know. "I'm worried about you, Carissa. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"Wait...the Nationals! Why aren't you there?"

"I got disqualified."

"What?" she breathed, "Where's Lucas?"

"Somewhere in the hospital. We both got kicked out for fighting. I swear he looks worse than me though-"

"Did he follow you here?"

"No, we came separately. He's convinced he has a concussion. He demanded to come here."

Carissa turned pale and Harry noticed the beeping of the heart monitor get faster.

"Harry, I really think you should leave."

"This is about him, isn't it?" he asked, holding her hand. Her heart rate spiked at the mention of Lucas, and she asked him to leave again- why else would she? He pointed at her neck. "He did that to you, didn't he?"

Harry stood up and brushed her hair away from the bruises on her skin, examining them. The dark, ugly trail was made carelessly out of desire, not passion.

"I don't want to hurt you," she sniffled. Harry had never seen her cry so much- it was quite painful for him to watch. Something was bothering her and he was determined to find out what.

"Why would you hurt me? What happened to you?" he asked, looking back at her leg, "How did that happen?"

She shook her head again. She couldn't let him know. All she wanted was for him to be safe.

"Carissa, tell me what's going on."

"I can't-"

"Yes, you can-"

"I can't, Harry!" she yelled, covering her face with her hands. She started crying even harder than before, only this time it seemed that she didn't care whether or not he watched her. Carissa broke down and trembled.

"Carissa...baby, don't cry," he coaxed, sitting at the edge of the hospital bed and wrapping his arms around her. She hugged him, clung onto him like a child to its mother- she missed this; they both did.

It never occurred to him that even though he had spent so many nights beside the girl that smelled of jasmine flowers, he would still treasure every bit of the scent that drew him towards her in the first place. Their first encounter at the movie theatres was something that they would probably never forget because even though it was bizarre and quite honestly more humourous than it was charming, it held a significance that neither of them could describe as anything short of a blessing.

Carissa cried into his shoulder- it was the first time she had held him since their date at The Nine all those weeks ago. She wondered how she went so long believing he was guilty of anything. His strong arms cradled her; comforted her; made her feel loved. She knew that whatever happened now wouldn't last forever- it would fade away one day, and she'd yearn for the chance to be with him again. He hushed her, stroking the back of her head and combing his fingers through her hair.

"Baby-"

"Please, Harry, don't-"

"No, just listen," he urged, pulling away from her and holding her shoulders so he could look at her, "I've put so many things off for so long and if you want me to leave then I will, but just...just let me say what I need to say. Okay?"

Carissa nodded, unsure of what else to say. She made a bit of room for him to sit comfortably on her bed and he shuffled over. Harry took both of her hands in his and took a moment to gather himself. In the middle of his preparation he smiled and shook his head, staring out the window.

"Remember when we met?" he asked, looking back to her, "Remember when I stole that ticket of yours?"

"Regrettably," she teased with a small smile.

"I thought you were so pretty. I wanted to know you so badly. And when I saw you again at the gym? God, you were so fit and I just...it was an honour to know your name, really," he admitted, his eyes meeting hers. "It was stupid. I should've gotten your number. I should've done something to get you to notice me, you know?"

"I noticed you," she said quietly, "trust me, I did."

"You could've let me known, princess," he smirked, "then maybe I wouldn't have stressed out so much over how I was going to ask you out."

She smiled and her cheeks reddened. It was amazing how he could bring her out of being scared for a few moments. He truly made her feel safe.

"And when I got the job? I thought I was the luckiest man alive. You kept making me chase you, and I told you it was annoying but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We went through so much and I just wanted you to know that I would never hurt you."

"I know," she whispered, playing with his fingers, "I know you wouldn't."

"All of that stuff in the news-"

"I know, Harry-"

"-and the necklace-"

"Harry, I know," she repeated, "I believe you."

He didn't question why she did- he was just glad that she trusted him.

"I loved waking up beside you. You thought you looked tired and crummy but seeing you so raw and so real and so...so alive...it made me remember that I wasn't just dreaming anymore. I wanted to make you coffee in the morning; I wanted to wait for you to finish your breakfast before I went to work; I wanted so badly to be with you, and I hope you know that."

She covered her mouth to stop her faltering breaths from escaping. He looked at her with such yearning, and she couldn't deny that she loved him even more now than ever before.

"You know, that night at the restaurant...I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend," he said shyly. Carissa turned redder than a firetruck when Harry admitted it- it never even occurred to her that he had been thinking about it; she felt like they were together all along, but to know that he wanted to be with her officially set her chest aflame. "I just couldn't bring myself to ask you. I was so worried that you would say no."

"Why would I say no?"

"I don't know...I wanted to give you some space to find a job and stuff and I thought maybe it'd be overwhelming for you."

Her heart swelled- he thought about everything, every single thing, and put her first.

"I would've said yes. I would've said yes from the start," she replied just loud enough for him to hear.

"Jesus, princess...you really should've told me all of this," he chuckled, stroking her cheek. She smiled back at him, gazing into the warm lanterns of green.

"Some things are better left unsaid," she touched his hand that cupped her face.

"So you could make me lose my mind while chasing you?"

"Possibly," she grinned. They laughed and laughed- Harry indulged in her melodious giggles that could've lit up the face of a cold, sullen stranger on the street.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbled, "God, I'd marry you if I could."

"What?" she asked, her eyes widening- she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly, or if he let something slip that he didn't mean.

"Fuck, I love you so much," he said. Her eyes darted downwards- she couldn't say it. She had to keep him safe. If she said it now and never saw him again, she'd never forgive herself. Love was not love that changed when it found room to change- it was true when she said some things were better left unsaid. Still, he tilted her head back up to face him. "Please forgive me."

And he kissed her dearly on the lips. Their embrace wasn't rushed- as scared as Carissa was, she took in everything he gave. His hand caressed her face as his lips massaged her own. Nothing felt more right; she finally knew, and for him, that was enough.

There was so much passion and longing fuelling them. This kiss was like none other that they had shared before- it was one that elderly lovers shared when they saw each other in the morning, or the kiss of a mother upon her baby's forehead, or the kiss between two departing soul mates at an airport just before the plane was about to take flight.

Carissa didn't know what love really was- the dictionary provided only a standard meaning to the complex concept. To her, it was Harry; it was how gently he touched her skin, as if she was made of tissue paper; it was his act of making her decaf coffee late at night when she asked for regular because he wanted her to sleep easy; it was the way he held her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him because he knew she meant just the opposite; it was how he touched her heart before her body; it was all the ways she could not describe, but desperately wanted to.

To Harry, she wasn't just a body to touch or a face to look at- she was a work of art to be admired for all that she was. He had loved before, and he loved sincerely, but the feeling he felt with her was beyond words- nothing would do her justice, and it was pathetic for him to even try to contemplate how much he valued her. The ultimate way to spend the rest of his life was to wake up to the sight of the sun beating in through the blinds of his bedroom with her nestled next to him, sound asleep.

"I love you," he murmured into her lips as he kissed her, "I love you so much."

She couldn't take it anymore- everything was colliding with all that had happened in only a span of a few hours, and her eyes welled up with tears again. Carissa pulled away from him, and he frowned.

"What's wrong? Baby, what is it?"

"I don't want you to get hurt," she cried, clutching onto him again. He rocked her gently with his arms wrapped around her body until her sniffling ceased.

"I'm not going to get hurt," he whispered, "I promise."

"I think you should go. Please. Just listen to me for once, Harry."

"I'll leave when you fall asleep. How about that? I'll stay here to keep you company and by the time you wake up, I'll be gone."

"I...okay. But you have to promise you'll leave."

"Only if you promise to go to sleep."

She nodded as he made his way over to the chair again. He sat down and held her hand while he absentmindedly hummed the tunes of old songs he and his sister used to listen to. He told her about Lucy to pass the time and ease her mind as her eyes slowly shut. Her hand released his once she was unconscious, and he knew it was time to go. He made the decision to stay a little longer- he still couldn't figure out why she wanted him to leave so badly. The worst that could happen was that Lucas could come in and call him out for "stalking" Carissa again.

Why was she reiterating that she didn't want him to get hurt? Why would he get hurt? And why was she so upset? He didn't want to ask her about anything, but something wasn't right. Harry was certain the hickeys on her neck were Lucas', but it wasn't what he was concerned about- he still didn't know anything about her leg.

Harry heard the resonating sound of wheels rolling upon the linoleum outside the door. It travelled down the hallway and echoed into the room through the crack of space underneath the door. He could make out two voices- both male- having a conversation. With nothing better to do, he listened in.

"...We're getting nowhere with these tests. Every single one is a failure. It'll take years before we find the right combo-"

"Why are you being so pessimistic?"

"It's not going to work! I've run it over numerous times- no host is going to accept the drug, I'm telling you right now. All they're doing is wasting time and funds by making us test all of these combos. And the small chance that it works, what are we going to do when it comes time to test it on people?"

"It'll be revolutionary, though. A natural anesthesia? Do you know how amazing that would be?"

"Amazingly impossible, that's what it is. We're using pathogens and bacteria and viruses to put people to sleep- are you aware of how dangerous that is? If it spreads and the host can't fight off what's being administered to them- which they most likely won't- the dosage we give will kill them. Slowly, yes, but they're dead within two weeks, guaranteed."

"Shit man, why'd you even become a microbiologist?"

"My mom threatened to kick me out if I took up art."

The comedic pair rolled the cart until they stopped just outside of Carissa's room, down a couple of feet by the other elevator at the very end of the hall. One of the men announced that they would take the cart back to the laboratory once they were finished with their paperwork, and the other departed soon after.

Harry looked back at Carissa, who was fast asleep. The constant beeps of the heart monitor somewhat assured him that she would be okay. He didn't want to leave her side, but he made a promise to her and he had enough integrity to stick to it- he had already been there for more than an hour after she had fallen asleep, just watching her. Harry pulled out Lucy's phone and checked the time- 7:50 PM. He dialed his home number and waited for a response.

"Hello?"

"Lucy? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but where the hell are you? They drove me home and told me to wait for you call- I've been so worried, and you got disqualified, I just-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm at the hospital."

"Are you alright? Do you need me to go there?"

"No, I'll be home soon. Twenty minutes, tops."

"Twenty minutes, Harry. Anything more, and I'll-"

"Yeah, I know, you'll kill me. I'll see you soon."

The call ended between him and his sister, and he slipped his phone back into his pocket. As he stood up he gave Carissa's hand a small squeeze again, then leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you soon, princess," he whispered. Harry flicked the light off and left her as she was when he found her: peacefully asleep.

***

"Well, Mr. McCoy, you seem to be perfectly fine. You might want to get yourself an ice pack for that eye of yours though," said the doctor, jotting down illegible letters onto the notepad he had in his hand.

"Alright, thanks. And do you know anything about my girlfriend? Carissa Lim? She was admitted earlier today-"

"The girl that had her leg torn off? Oh God, yeah she's been the talk of the century around here. The surgeons don't know whether or not to keep her leg or give her a prosthetic."

"Is she okay?"

The doctor frowned at Lucas, who was unsure why he was doing so.

"Mr. McCoy, have you been watching the news lately?"

"Yes..?"

"So you do know that the Siralex birth control brand has been recalled for ineffectiveness, right?"

"I...no. What?"

"We found Siralex in her system when we took urine samples to run tests on her overall health. It was recalled a week ago. If she's been having unprotected sex within the last six months, there is a very good chance of her getting pregnant."

Lucas' heart stopped beating. Six months. Carissa, from what he recalled, never used protection with Harry- for all he knew, she assumed Harry would pull out in time, which wasn't always the case; Lucas remembered watching them have sex at her apartment and her begging him not to pull out. Anger coursed through him- if she was pregnant with his child, there was only one thing to do: kill the baby and kill Harry, because he wouldn't stand for it. Lucas wouldn't let Harry into his life once he was through with him.

"That's good to know. We certainly haven't been fooling around unprotected. Have a good night, doc. Thanks for everything."

Lucas waved goodbye and left the examination room healthy and well. After a long day of making sure Carissa wouldn't spill, getting Harry disqualified, and strangely getting pulled over by the police who realized it was most likely someone else driving a silver BMW that was 'driving erratically', it was time for him to find her.

He went to the front desk and got the information from the receptionist: Floor 15, Recovery Ward C, Room 19A. He made his way promptly over to her- she was his now, and would be forevermore.

His watch read 6:27 PM. The halls had been darkened so patients would sleep easier than if they were lit. He wasn't in a rush to find her- he knew she'd be there, waiting amongst the resting patrons of the ward. He kept his head low to avoid security cameras.

When he finally approached Carissa's room, something was not right- the light was on inside. Carefully, Lucas softened his footsteps and crouched by her door so he could peer in without being seen.

He had hoped it was a doctor or a nurse, but it wasn't. The man he had been disqualified with stood by her side, looking quite upset.

"Who did that to you?" he questioned. Carissa pleaded for him to leave, but Harry still pressed on until she yelled at him, throwing a tissue box at his tall frame to try and push him out of her room for good.

A burning rage ignited in Lucas. He hid under a cot in the hallway once Harry started moving towards the door, but he didn't leave the room. Instead, Lucas listened in on what he was saying. He heard every word escape from the little crack at the bottom of the door. He heard him charm her once again; he heard her laugh and tease; he heard him tell her that he loved her.

He doesn't love her, Lucas thought, not as much as I do.

It was up to him to plan out Harry's fate. Though she didn't tell Harry anything, Harry had to go. If Lucas wanted to be happy with Carissa, Harry had to be killed- there were no exceptions.

Upon hearing the sound of two men approaching from the far end of the corridor, Lucas draped a blanket from the hamper beside the cot, then hid under his makeshift tent- it was a little pathetic, but he didn't have any better ideas. The two men were rolling a cart in his direction, talking about a natural anesthesia. Lucas didn't pay much attention- all he wanted to do was see Carissa.

Lucas fought the urge to take Harry out right as he left her room- he'd save his murder for later. Once Harry was down the hall and out of sight, Lucas slipped past her door and shut it.

Her sleeping body lay upon the bed, at peace with itself and worn out by the day's events. He stared at her stomach, but he couldn't tell if there was a bump there or not. I have to make sure she doesn't have a baby, he thought, reaching into his pocket. He brought along some chloroform, gloves, and a Swiss army knife, just in case she decided she wasn't going to cooperate.

Lucas paced over to her and stroked her cheek until she awoke. Her eyes widened with fear as she let out a whimper, but he silenced her with a tight squeeze of his hand upon her wrist.

"Shh, be good," he whispered, pulling out his knife and opening the blade. She closed her eyes and begged him to put it away as quietly as he could, but he just chuckled as he sat down in the chair. "The doctor told me you used Siralex for birth control."

She was frightened and had no way of lying to him. He knew everything, and he had all the power.

"Did you ever fucking consider that maybe the pills were ineffective?" his voice grew louder, running his hand through his hair. Carissa swore she didn't know what he was talking about- within the last two weeks, she hid herself away from any form of media in attempts to avoid seeing Harry in the news.

"I...I don't understand-" she stammered, backing away as far as she could from him. It was no use, though- he had legs, and even if she could move out of the sling, she only had one. He could've killed her as easily as he could snap his fingers.

"The fucking pills were recalled! You had sex with him! He came inside of you! You're probably carrying his kid right now!" he yelled, pointing the knife at her. She gasped and immediately touched her stomach- there was no way she could've been. She hadn't felt anything of any sort, but there was no way of knowing for sure. She felt sick to the stomach at Lucas being in the room, and even more uneasy at the fact that she didn't know what he was going to do next. He inhaled and massaged his temples, collecting himself. "I have to make sure you're not pregnant."

"Lucas, please," she begged as she started to cry, "I'm not, please. I would know if I was-"

"Don't fucking speak- remember what I said about what I would do to Harry. You're a slut, and this is what you deserve. You haven't had your period this month- I know that for sure. You said you felt dizzy a couple days ago. You're a whore and I need to make sure you're not pregnant," he explained as she continued to plead. Lucas set the knife down on her bed and he reached into his coat pocket for the rag and bottle of chloroform. The heart monitor beeped quicker and more irregularly than ever before.

"He doesn't love you, Carissa," Lucas said, dousing the cloth with the liquid, "I do."

Carissa's scream was silenced by the damp rag clamped over her nose and mouth. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she passed out cold. The soft beeping of the heart monitor went back to a steady, stable beat.

"This is such a shame. But if you'll be having anybody's child, it'll be mine."

He picked up the knife and made a lateral incision along the piece of her hospital gown above her pelvis before he heard the door click and swing open.