My Warden (COMPLETED)

Letters

To: The Beautiful Woman Stuck Traveling with Commander Sullen

C/O Divine Victoria, who's probably already read this anyway, so why bother sealing it?

Lanny! I hope you made it to Val Royeaux and filled Leliana in on the details or I'm going to be getting a flock of ravens and the potential for an Exalted March showing up on my doorstep because of this letter. Not that it's beyond the realm of surprises from our bard given the big hat considering what happened in Seheron and then... I hope the Divine in all her mercy is aware that invading Ferelden isn't wise because we've got big slobbery dog that'll ruin all your fancy furniture. Just putting that out there.

How are you? Please tell me you've already eaten your way through the never ending banquets of the Grand Cathedral and have now raided Celene's cheese room. I hear it's guarded by a Gouda Golem, very dangerous and messy unless you come armed with a slab of crackers.

After my return, I only got berated for fifteen hours by Arl Eamon, Teagan, Bann Cyril, and then Eamon again for good measure. All things considered, I'd say I came out ahead in that. I thought it'd last for a few days. It wasn't as if I missed much of anything. Let's see, there's talk of food shortage because there's always talk of food shortage. Don't bother to clear out the brambles crowding around the roads? That's how we get bandits. It's so damn simple you'd think someone here would remember to do it. And there's been a bit of fallout from the Exalted Council, a few Banns think we're in some position to go declare war on the Qunari (right, shall we throw sticks at them and ask nicely if they give up? It'd work about as well). As if that's not enough, people are not happy about the Inquisition getting busted down to chantry guardians. On one side are those who have hearts in their eyes for the old Inky and on the other are people pissed that the chantry's gained that much power. Can't say I blame them given their handling of the mage rebellions and how they spectacularly failed their templars, but all I get is headaches on both sides as people argue without offering any solutions.

So, that's been my week so far. What about you? Let me guess, you've dumped the templar, fully healed, convinced Leliana to abandon the chantry to run off with you, and together you're now famed assassins in Antiva. Any of that close? Oh right, I almost forgot, on top of the tongue lashing from Eamon I got one from our most illustrious Queen Bea (she hates it when I call her that). Now that one damn near blew my muddy socks off. I no more than crawl through the door reeking of horse and she flounces over looking like she was trying to smuggle a helmet under her dress, jabs a finger in my face, and demands to know where I've been.

I was so impressed with her fortitude, I broke out into laughter and hugged her. Didn't realize the Queen could blush like that, then again I've been operating on the assumption she's actually some kind of animated wet blanket for a few years. We've been talking beyond the usual "Hi," "Hello," "Please stop doing that." Baby stuff is okay, as much as it can be. Ah yeah, consider this the official announcement to Val Royeaux that there's gonna be a little sire for a tiny throne. We can do that, right? Make a miniature version of the throne for the kid to sit on? I'll ask Wade about it, I'm sure he can whip something up out of dragon's teeth.

You wanna know something funny? I actually met the real father of whatever's knocking about in Bea's stomach. Total accident, I had no idea who it was. Random meet and greet, shaking hands with a total stranger, and the poor guy was quivering in his boots, melting into the floor in a panic. I remembered his strange reaction after learning the truth because it made no sense, I'd bathed that day. Okay, that's not the best part. You're never gonna guess what he is...