Buzzkill [Winter Soldier]

Chapter 27

Back in her cell, Ruth's mind constantly filled the silence that surrounded her. The noises in her mind were voices. Indistinct most of the time, and other times the voices were clear as day. Headaches accompanied the sounds and became crippling migraines late at night. The night terrors were constant. She dreaded sleeping and only closed her eyes when she couldn't keep them open any longer. When Ruth would wake up from a terror, she would back herself up as far into the corner of her bed as she could, trembling uncontrollably. Looking around her, she would obsessively check every inch of the cell, expecting someone to attack her. The constant anxiety and shaking made Ruth feel physically exhausted and mentally drained. Her isolation from everyone else when she wasn't in training or on a job was debilitating to her. Seeing someone at her door meant the shadows would go away. Ruth would do any job she was told as long as she could be around the people who took care of her. She was desperate.

    During training the couple weeks following their last job, James saw the change in Ruth. There were little ticks that she would do unknowingly while in their small amounts of downtime. She would scratch her arm around the small scars of the incisions, keep her hand in a fist then stretch her hand out repeatedly, bite her lip, and more. Sometimes, when James would teach Ruth hand-to-hand combat with knives, her hands would shake; just enough where it was noticeable. He didn't say anything to her unless it hindered the training, knowing that if he said anything she would only feel worse and even more on edge. James just wondered how Dr. Mage hadn't seen this yet. Maybe her success on the jobs so far outweighed the side effects of the withdrawal.

    Two days later, Ruth was assigned another mission. A 6am retrieval where, as usual, James would trail close behind. This time, both James and Ruth would be suited with body cameras as well as a monitor set on a nearby building so Hydra could supervise the whole meeting.

    "Why the camera?" Ruth asked Dr. Mage as he placed the camera disguised as a pin on her jacket.

    He smiled, a small laugh following. "This is a very important retrieval, Miss."

    "Ruth."

    "I don't like your name. If you don't want to be called Rogers, Miss will have to do."

    Ruth said nothing.

    "It's just a precaution we want to take," Dr. Mage continued.

    "I have been on important missions before."

    "You haven't been unstable before."

    That was it. Ruth knew that Dr. Mage had been watching her night terrors. Now she had confirmation without even asking.

    "So you have been watching me," Ruth said.

    "Of course."

    "Then why send me out at all?"

    "You're an experiment, Miss. The first time conducting an experiment requires trials that will push the limits. So far you've only been emotional." He gave another laugh, "Who knows? That could just be who you are. Right now, it's all in your head."

    Ruth gritted her teeth, the only thing keeping her from sending him flying across the room was knowing that he needed to be alive for her to feel sane again. Right now, she didn't know if the serum was the only thing that could keep her sane for a month, or if she had an addiction she couldn't get relief from. The inevitability of the indefinite pain terrified Ruth. She would do anything they wanted just to keep the pain away.

    Both James and Ruth were dressed as casual citizens. Getting to the retrieval point would mean going through the public, and Hydra didn't want them walking on the streets with masks and assault rifles strapped to their bodies. Hydra only cared about James' identity, giving him a ball cap that secured right on his head with a large hoodie that could easily cover his face. With Ruth, they didn't care who saw her identity. The only one who cared at all was Dr. Mage -- for the sake of the experiment. He didn't want her to be killed by vengeful second parties, and that was the only reason she wore a bullet proof vest underneath her jacket.

    With James driving, he and Ruth headed out on a motorcycle to the retrieval point just ten minutes out from the heart of Washington DC. The "SHIELD" agent sat in the middle of a small, low traffic park on an old wooden bench wearing an expensive tailored suit. James waited on a bench in the corner of the park with a perfect view of where the exchange would take place.

    Ruth strode over to the bench where the agent sat. He had a smug look on his face, a cup of hot coffee in one hand.

    "You look out of place," Ruth said as she sat down beside him.

    He gave a smug grin, "So does your dark, brooding friend over there."

    "Do you have what I need?"

    "Things at SHIELD are a little... tense right now. I didn't get everything they asked for but I got the mission report from the hostage situation on that satellite carrier yesterday." He handed her the file, "Strange thing that happened there, even Captain America was involved."

    "You know that's not enough." Ruth kept her tone steady and firm.

    "Well it's what I got, sweetheart. So if it's not good enough you're going to have to find someone else to do your dirty work."

    Ruth gave an exasperated laugh and sighed.

    She stood up and straightened out her jacket. Before the agent could stand, Ruth grabbed him by the collar, stood him up, and kicked him in the chest, sending him back against a tree behind the bench. He stumbled to the ground in pain, but Ruth grabbed him and stood him up again, her arm pinned up against his throat to hold him up against the tree.

    "I don't want to get anyone else," Ruth seethed through gritted teeth, as the agent struggled for air. "This is why we have you, this is why you work for Hydra. Are you backing out?"

    Still struggling for breath, the agent reached for the gun on his hip. With a quick motion, Ruth used the arm that held him up to snap his wrist, the gun falling to the ground. He exclaimed in pain and she put her arm back up to hold him.

    "Now, sir, you don't want to do that."

    Every time he squirmed, Ruth would slam him back against the tree, severely bruising his back.

    "If you don't give us the information we need, I will kill you. Do you understand?" Ruth's voice was rising.

"That's enough!" James sternly commanded, grabbing Ruth's shoulder forcefully and yanking her away. "Get back," James motioned for the motorcycle.

Ruth's grip was released on the agent who fell to the ground in pain, coughing while trying desperately to breathe. 

    For a moment Ruth stood paralyzed with fear before walking quickly back to the bike, continuously looking back at James helping the agent up.

    Her heart raced as she realized her hands were shaking violently. The ground swayed beneath her. It's the serum. It's the serum, she repeated to herself. But it was too late. Even if James didn't tell Hydra, it was all on camera.