Countdowns and Kisses (Trixya)

1

We fucked. Some might say it was years in the build up, almost inevitable, but tonight it happened. Katya is sleeping peacefully, and I am laying next to her, and this is not new. What we spent our time doing before this, however, was.

-

It was new year's eve, and Bianca had invited everyone to a big party he was hosting at a local club. It seemed like all my friends would be going, and so I decided I would too. It was a rare opportunity for everyone to get together out of drag (and we all knew it was likely that some people would get together). I had agonised over what to wear, even consulting Kim, before settling on a nice pale blue shirt with dark jeans.

It wasn't that I was trying to impress anyone as such, but I totally was. Tonight was New Years, and it was the time for kissing people. The knowledge that if I had enough to drink I could kiss anyone and have the perfect excuse the next day was comforting to me. No matter how hard I tried to kid myself, I knew I had one person in mind.

Katya.

It wasn't like I'd never kissed him before, just never on New Years. Never what it felt like it meant something. Never out of drag and in front of people. Did pecks in front of cameras and fans even count? Still, there were all the times on tour... But that could probably be put down to the strange sense of loneliness that comes with being in a new place every 24 hours. That never meant anything, or not enough to stop him from taking some admirer back to his hotel room the next night. For one night, I wanted to kiss him and for it to feel real. The alternative was to drink until I forgot that I was in love and then kiss some pretty guy I found at the party, but that really wasn't my style.

I sat staring out at the other cars flashing by as my Uber took me to the party. I was kind of nervous, which seemed dumb as I knew I'd be surrounded by my friends. When we pulled up, I headed over to the entrance, the bouncer checking my name off a long list.

Booming music hit me immediately, and it took a second to recognise one of Adore's songs. I made my way over to where I could see Kim and Katya chatting, glad that I'd immediately found the two people I was looking for in the crowded room. Katya shot me one of his signature grins as I made my way over, Kim turning to see what had caught his attention.

"Hey!" Kim greeted, pulling me in for a hug.

"Katya was just telling me about the gig you did the other day,"

"The one where a girl got kicked out for yelling that Katya was robbed through the whole show? That was wild," I laughed.

"I'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?" Kim asked.

"Fuck, yes! Get me whatever!" I told him. I needed to start early to get pissed by midnight.

Kim headed off through the crowd towards the bar, leaving me alone with Katya.

"Please don't get drunk," he asked, his hand resting on mine. I was confused by his request. Every plan I had for the evening involved heavy consumption of alcohol, and I was kind of reluctant to give up on my plans.

"Why?"

"I just... " he stammered, "I'm not drinking, and, you know..."

"Don't want to be the only one?"

He nodded enthusiastically, eyes serious for once. It was unlike Katya to not drink, as normally he was the life and soul of the party. Unfortunately, one of the major downsides of being kind of in love with someone is that it is almost entirely impossible to say no to them, in my experience.

I sighed before nodding myself. "This one drink, and then that's it, ok?"

He smiled, satisfied with my answer. His fingers brushed against the back of my hand, sending a tingle up my arm as I willed myself not to blush.

Bianca appeared at that moment, Adore in tow. The pair of them greeted us with the air kisses that were customary between queens, even without our usual painted faces.

"So, you two planning on sucking some face this evening?" Bianca wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she looked between us.

"Oh, like you can talk!" I exclaimed, giving Adore a pointed look, at which he gave a guilty shrug.

"There's a difference between admitting you like someone," Bianca gave Adore a fond smile, "And constantly giving each other heart eyes when the other's not looking,"

Both of us kept silent, avoiding the others gaze. My eyes flitted around the club nervously, not really wanting to discuss this right now. That had not been my plan for this evening at all, but the plan was already half scrapped. Spotting Kim heading back to us, I gave a quiet sigh of relief. She handed me my drink, some kind of cocktail, and I took a greatful sip as the conversation changed direction.

-

The shouts of numbers counting down from 30 were all around us, and I nervously turned to Katya, who was looking intently at me.

"I... We could... I mean," I tried to find the words, but I was struggling. Katya barely seemed to have noticed as the countdown hit the final ten.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, voice sincere. We were both totally sober, and this all seemed crazy, but in all truth, there was no way I'd rather end or start a year.

As the shouts of last few numbers filled the room, I leaned in, pressing my lips to his as I rested my hand on his cheek. He moved his arms to wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer as our mouths moved in sync. I could taste the familiar smoke on his breath, mixed with the inexpliacable taste that was just him. We continued kissing for far longer than best friends just passing the New Year would allow, but I didn't care.

Eventually we broke apart, still linked by his arms and mine, which had moved to around his neck. He was giving me a look I couldn't quite place, but he didn't seem to be running away, which I was of. I smiled shyly at him.

"Happy new year, I guess,"

Katya captured my lips once again, and I had a strange feeling that this might be happening a few more times tonight. This was new, this was... Good. It felt right to be kissing him, but that was the sort of thing I kept to myself because it could ruin a friendship in seconds.

This time after I let go of Katya, I looked around us, suddenly aware of the fact that we were surrounded by people who knew us. I caught Bianca's eye across the room whilst he was mid-cackle, winking at me. Kim mouthed something that looked like 'yass girl' at me from where she was stood with Naomi.

I felt an arm snake around my waist again, Katya's chin resting on my shoulder as he stood just behind me.

"This is kind of crazy, but do you want to get out of here?" He whispered in my ear, his breath hot against my skin.

We'd left parties together countless times, to sit and talk in hotel rooms, or watch trashy late night tv. Sometimes if we were tipsy we might make out a bit before falling asleep together, but we always had the excuse of the alcohol. Tonight we'd already done the making out at the party, and now I knew that going home together could well mean a whole other thing, and who knows what that would do to our friendship.

Maybe it was a momentary lapse of judgement, but I took his hand, both of us heading towards the exit.