11:30

Eight -- Greg

The week passed by without incident. Christopher made dinner for us Wednesday evening after my run, half-dressed so cutely that I couldn't resist having him for dessert. On Thursday I went to Kevin's for dinner. It was very nice to have my routine back and although Kevin had told me I should invite Christopher, and I had, he had declined. It was reassuring to know that he didn't feel the need to shadow me constantly.

Still, he had needs. I was very aware by little things he had said as well as behavior that he desperately wanted to shut down. He wanted to sink, had been begging for it in every appropriate way there was. I had to give him credit for that too, he wasn't being pushy. The problem was, I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

I wanted to. I wanted to take back total control for a while and maybe feel like everything was normal. I wanted him to be able to relax and not worry because he had been so stressed between work and moving and our relationship changes. But I felt like I was standing on ice. It wasn't thin, I didn't fear falling through but I didn't want to slip and fall on my ass and take him down with me either.

I ran myself in circles at work on Friday, driving myself crazy. I needed to get out of my head and just order him into the Den. It was the easiest way to solve this. But what would happen afterwards? I had no illusions about myself: I was stubborn, hated change, erred on the side of anger and had a hard time reading people. The longer I was there, the more it felt like MY house but it wasn't and I would have to give back that control. I wasn't sure I could.

I parked in the garage and went directly upstairs, unable to decide whether I wanted Christopher to be in the kitchen or not. He was at the dining room table, papers and folders spread all around him. He smiled at me but turned back towards his work, not expecting or waiting for a response. He knew how it went when I got home, I always went upstairs and changed first.

I didn't miraculously come up with any answers while I was upstairs but I came back down and got myself a drink and then sat down at the table across from Christopher. Somehow it just felt like the right place to be. Every second that ticked by without him speaking, my blood pressure dropped. He would give me the time I needed.

I gave myself until 5:30 before I broke the silence. "What are you working on?"

He looked up at me with a grin on his face, his eyes sparkling. Somehow, he really was happy to see me. "I'm not exactly sure Sir. The small pile is for our housewarming party. Catering info, cleaning services and guest lists and all sorts of stuff."

We were supposed to be keeping it simple, that was what he had agreed to. If that was the small pile, what was the rest? "And the rest?"

"The rest is less fun. Work schedules for the next two months, I emailed you dates, and I have to okay all this business crap but that's sort of what I pay Esther for, isn't it? I can't imagine how big her pile is. I'm just making sure there's no will in here where I give her all of my money." He only paused for half a second before clarifying "I'm kidding, she wouldn't do that. I've been staring at them for two hours, I think that's long enough for me to truthfully say that I looked over it. How was your day?"

"It was..." It had been fine. But it wasn't fine, I wasn't fine. Not quite. Maybe I needed an implosion but it wasn't as if I could decide when it would happen. No, I would have to wait. "Work went well."

He read through the lines. I could see it in the way he slowly inhaled, the way his head imperceptibly shifted to the side and the slight pursing of his lips. I would have bet $100 that he was mentally debating whether or not to ask, to push. He decided not to. "Would you like me to make dinner? There wasn't a recipe out on the counter for me today."

That had been on purpose. "No, I thought I would take you out to eat. We need to leave at 6:25."

"In that case, I'm going to need to put on a shirt." He hopped up and put the smaller stack of papers sideways on top of the larger stack. I had to force myself to not intervene because I could imagine what would happen if he missed a step or if the animal tripped him. "Is there anything else or should I just meet you downstairs?"