the bad boy

Patch things up

"Hi Niall"! I said well inviting him in.

He smiled. I miss his smile and his positive attitude. "Niall I'm sorry". I whispered well shutting the door. He chuckled. "It wasn't your fault! It was Harry's. I kinda lost it too". He muttered the last part. But I have super hearing. I sat down beside him.

"Thanks for beating the shit out of him, for me". I whispered. He chuckled.

I always loved hanging out with Niall. He's so sweet and sensitive.

"I really did like you". I whispered. He smiled. "I like you too". He smiled.

Wait! He still likes me. He's so sweet.

I would love to have a relationship with someone like him.

"I-I want you know...That I'll always be around. If you need a friend". He whispered into my ear. He leaned in for a hug but I kissed him Instead. I'm a slut anyways why not act like one. Harry calls me a slut so I'll be one.

We slowly pull apart.

"I wasn't excepting that". He mumbled.

"Well the best things in life are unexpected". I said. He smiled.

"I should get going". He sighed. I actually didn't want him to go. He reminds me of myself before I got with Harry. Sweet, kind and innocent. I miss being those things. I still could be but it wouldn't be the same after all the shit I've done and been in.

"I'll see ya later"! He said. His Irish accent filled my ears. I nodded and waved as he walked out of the door. These last few months have been exciting. I can't believe I thought every moment and movement I spent with Harry was real. I'm so dumb. But it with Harry you get the best of times and the worst of times. I just wish it didn't end like this. I put on my Uggs and walked outside. There was snow on the ground. I love snow. I touched the small icicles on my window. God I love Christmas.

I heard my stupid sponge bob ringtone go off. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Hello"! I said into the phone.

"Hey! It's Louis. Me and the boys were going to have a snowball fight. We all wanted to ask if you wanted to come". Wow I'm surprised there asking me.

I can't stand to see Harry though. It kills me every time. Even mentioning his name. I just can't. It will hurt to much. "Jess you there"? Louis asked. I forgot I was on the phone.

"Yeah! I can't go sorry". I sighed. I would love to. Beating the boys in a snowball fight would be awesome. It's just Harry would be there.

"You can't come. Are you sure. I think you won't come. It's not because you can't. I know you well enough. You want to come. Your just scared Harry will be there". I processed the words.

He's right. How dose he know all of this. It's like he's always reading my goddamn mind. "Okay"! I sighed.

"Great! Will pick you up in five minutes". He said. I nodded to myself then hung up. He didn't tell me if Harry was coming or not. Please god don't let him come. Please. I prayed as I walked back inside. I put on some leggings and my baggy shirt. I put back on my Uggs back on. I grabbed my phone. There was honking outside. I assume it's the boys. I walked out and waved. I couldn't see all the boys. I could only see Louis in the drivers seat Zayn in the back left corner and Niall in the passengers seat. I couldn't tell if Harry was here. I walked over and opened the door. Zayn slid down. I sat by Zayn. No Harry! Yes! I can be happy. "Ready to get beaten by a girl"? I asked. I heard a familiar laugh. It wasn't Liam's, Louis's, Nialls, or Zayn's. God why is he here. "You can try but I'm pretty good"! Louis chuckled I giggled along.

"So where are we going to do this epic snowball battle"? I asked. Zayn's, eyes sparkled. "To the snowiest mountain in this city". Liam said.

I giggled.

We parked the car on the side. There was a huge mountain and snow all over it. "Let's go"! I shouted. I ran out of the car without closing the door. I ran to the top and Louis chased after me. Liam chased after Harry and Niall slipped on the snow.

"Gotcha"! Liam shouted to Harry.

I was making my snowballs when I felt something wet and Icy hit my neck. I turned to see Harry laughing. I can't let it get to me. I through a huge one at him. It hit him in the snout. I laughed.

"Loser"! I mouthed as he got up.

Louis came running towards me with a giant snowball. As he was close he slipped and fall on top of me.

I giggled. I turned my head to see Harry frowning. Am I making him jealous. "Get off"! I whined. He rolled off of me. I quickly gripped the snow and shoved it down Louis shirt.

"Aghhhhhhh"! He screamed.

"Fuck! It's so cold"! He shouted. Everyone stopped and laughed.

"Good one"! Liam said to me. I blushed.

Niall and Harry were laughing and Zayn, gave me a high five.

"I'm going to get you for that"! Louis said. I giggled. "You can try". I said.

"We need teams! Three on each side"! I shouted. Everyone nodded.

"Okay! I'm a team captain! And Liam"! I shouted. They nodded again. I laughed.

"My first pick is Niall"! I said.

He walked over and high fives me. "Where going to win now"! He whispered. I nodded.

"I choose...Harry". Liam said. Harry walked over to there side.

There was only Zayn, and Louis. I'm defiantly choosing Zayn. I'll let Louis try to get his revenge.

"Zayn"! I said with no hesitation. Louis had a evil grin on his face as he walked over to Liam's side. I started to laugh.

"Let the hunger games begin"! I shouted. Everyone laughed.

"Hurry up and make snowballs"! I whispered. Niall and Zayn did as told. I went far away from everyone. I'm getting ready to attack Lou again.

"Start"! Someone shouted. I heard the soft snow hit the boys. I watched as Louis looked around. His eyes meet mine and ran for me. I stood up and through a snow ball at him.

I got home feeling like shit. Being with Harry just made me feel worse. And sad. I need to cope with all my feelings. I'll do what I always do write.

I haven't wrote in my diary since me and Harry got back together. Two months ago.

-Harry

I cry when I'm with you and I cry when I'm without. Which is better? My eyes start to water when I see you smile. Every time you look at me it brakes my heart. Ever since we broke up.

I loved you. And you used me for trash.

Was I just a sex doll to you?

I can't cope with these feelings.

I don't think I'll ever will. It was your fault we broke up.

It was always you Harry.

It was you I loved.

It was you who broke my heart.

It was you whole betrayed me.

And it was you who never loved me.

I don't know why I ever thought you could love. You screwed up! Not me. You cheated. Not me. I will always love you. I can't say the same for you. Sadly.

I know I'll never love anyone as much as I love you. I know you'll never feel that way. You can fight for me or kill for me, But I know those won't be your true feelings.

I will always love you Styles -Jessie.

I felt calmer writing about Harry. I know it didn't make much sense. But those are words in my mind. The feelings I have thought and felt.

I wish I could not love him. I wish I never loved him. He should be useless to me.