the bad boy

Writing my heart out

I still can't get over the fact that your gone. Today's your funeral. I dot think I can do it. Your mother will be there, my mother will be there. Gemma and all the boys. Even Marcel will be there. That's the name of are baby boy.
Yes, the doctors got him out before you died, which you already knew. Because you were alive for that. I miss you and I'm sure Marcel will miss you.
He won't have a mother.
I don't think I will ever love anyone as much as I loved you.

Well I have to go, but I'll right later.
Love Harry.

I finished writing in my journal and I sighed as I fixed my box tie. I shook my hair out a little bit, and took Marcel into my arms. He was so cute, in his little blanket. I laugh and smile at the baby. "Stop admiring the baby Harry, we have to go". Gemma said. She took Marcel from my hands. And I frowned. I straightened up my back and smiled at myself in the mirror.

"We should go now". I sighed. I don't want to leave. I know I'm gonna break down. Right there in front of her.

"C'mon honey"! My mom said as we walked out of the house. I locked the door and climbed into the limo.

*******

It was my turn to go up. I felt my body shaking as I went up. The microphone was ready and the crowd had tears in there eyes. Paps were taking pictures.
I hated that.

"Hi, I know Jessie is in heaven right now because she was the nicest person I knew, well anyone knew really.
There was one thing I forgot to say to Jess before she died.
And that was 'I'll never forget you'. Maybe if I told her that she would of made it through another day.
I loved her. Well I still do". I paused.

"She was a great person, if only she knew that. I have said some really bad stuff to her, and I wish I never said it. My heart aches everyday without her, and I know are baby boy will be hurt without her too. I just wish I could of told her all of that. But I know she'll always be around". I said. "She'll always be watching over all of us. She'll always be there even though you don't see her". I paused and took in a breath.

"I love you Jessie! I always have, and I always will". I breathed and walked off the stage. I walked over to the open coffin as the next person went up.

There she was. She was in a beautiful red dress, it was one of my favorites. She was laying there with a smile on her face and her eyes closed.
She's so perfect.

I leaned in and kissed her one the cheek. "I love you". I whispered into her ear and I put the picture of Marcel in the coffin. My mom was after me and she put a picture of me and Jess in the coffin. I walked over to Gemma.
I took Marcel from her hands. I brought him to Jess's coffin.

"Say something Marcel". I smiled.
He just giggled and said 'Ga goo'.
Why do all babies say that?

"This is Marcel! I guess ga ga goo goo, is his way of saying hi to his Mommie.
He lives you as much as I do". I said to the died body in front of me. I took a deep breath before walking away.
I felt tears prick from my eyes.

"Honey that was good for the both of you". My mother whispered.
I nodded.
It's just so hard knowing your gone.
"We have to go, to the grave yard were she'll be barred". Gemma said. I nodded and walked beside her. Marcel giggled in my hands. I looked behind me to see Jessie's mom crying.
I didn't want to look anymore, it would make me break down. I climbed into the limo with Gemma.

*******

A/N:Yeah I skipped the car ride because there's already tears in my eyes, so I'm sorry.

Okay back to the chapter.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

We arrived at the grave yard. Me and the boys carried her coffin to the spot were she was being barred. They out the dirt over her. The tears kept coming down from my eyes. I went up with everyone else and placed roses on her grave. Everyone put a white ones so I put on red on. She always like red roses. The grave stone was marked and it said.

'Jessie Walters.
(1994-2014)
I die with faith in my eyes' I read.

Her mother put the quote on. I really like it.

My mother pulled me up and smiled.
"I love you mom". I whispered. Her eyes widened.

"I love you too Harry". She said.
I put on my black ray bands so they couldn't see me cry. I didn't want them to see me cry.
Tears poured down my face, and I looked down in my arms and Marcel smiled at me. I smiled back.
My heart started to run again. It felt better, knowing that I have a beautiful child that I made with a beautiful women makes me smile. I just wish she was here to see it. I looked up and in the seat across from me I saw Jess.

It couldn't be her. She's died. But yet she's here in front of me. She was smiling at me and waving at the baby. She didn't speak and I didn't try too. She'll always be watching me.

I love her and she'll always be here with me, for as long as I live.