Love, Bitterly Sweet

Chapter Seven

I hate that I’ve been reduced to the kind of person who constantly runs away at the first sign of a problem. I hate this constant feeling of insecurity, of doubt. I don’t know why I’ve suddenly become so timid, so scared about putting myself out there. Where has the prank-pulling, cheerful girl gone? And why has she been replaced by a shell of what she used to be?

I know it’s the fear of rejection that has kept me from telling Max about us so far. It’s such a ridiculous concept though – to be scared about rejection by your mate, the other half of your soul, your perfect partner. I know I need to just suck it up and talk to him, since that’s the only way we’re ever going to be able to move forward. It’s still a somewhat terrifying thought though.

I take in a deep breath and slowly exhale. Man up, my wolf chides.

I don’t know how long I’ve been in Dylan’s car, but at least an hour or two must have passed. I decide to go for a run since going wolf always helps me to clear my head.

Stepping out of the car, it takes me a few seconds to get my bearings. I must have been sitting for a while because I need to stretch my legs and back before I can even begin to move towards the woods. My entire body seems to have tensed up, although that’s also probably because of the stress of the day.

Once I’m in the safety of the woods, I quickly strip and hide my clothes within a cluster of shrubbery. It’s a fifteen-minute run to my meadow from here, which is exactly what I need right now. Feeling the ground beneath my paws and the wind whipping through my fur is the perfect way to get rid of all thoughts having to do with Max and his odd behavior in school.

I take off at a sprint, weaving my way through the trees. The sun filters through the leaves, bathing the woods in soft light and transforming it into an almost ethereal space. Everything, all of my insecurities about my mate and my hesitancies about telling him about us, fly out of my head as I’m captured by the beauty of the afternoon.

Before long, I reach the meadow. Some wildflowers are still scattered amongst the grasses, filling the area with their sweet perfume. I make my way to my favorite spot and plop down on the ground to catch my breath. I close my eyes and just allow myself to take in my surroundings, pushing all other thoughts to the corners of my mind. I can hear the birds chirping and I wish again that I had my mom’s and my aunt’s ability to talk to animals. It’s peaceful being in wolf form, but it also sometimes get lonely with no one to talk to here.

After basking in the sun for an hour or so, I slowly make my way back to Dylan’s house. I doubt he’s worried about me since he knows I like to change into my wolf, but I don’t want to leave him wondering where I am for too long. Besides, he’s probably dying to make sure that I’m okay after what happened in school today. And I actually feel ready to talk about it.

There’s something so soothing about the meadow that allows me to think without really realizing that I’m thinking. I always come back more sure of myself. Even though my future with Max is still uncertain, I know that I’m going to tell him about us now and I have confidence that once the air is clear between us, things will go a lot more smoothly. I recognize that we’ve both been acting under a lot of assumptions, which couldn’t really be helped considering how strange our whole situation is. But, after I explain the mating bond, I hope that Max will confide in me too.

I change back into my human form and quickly dress before stepping into Dylan’s backyard. He’s sitting in a wicker chair that he apparently moved from the porch to the middle of the yard, his head leaning back towards the sky.

“Did you have a good run?,” he asks without moving from his spot.

“Yea, I did actually.”