The Eyes Have It

Chapter 11: The Part In The Middle

(Song attached, two weeks by FKA Twigs, it has cuss words in it but you can ignore them, also theres a note in the story where I recommend you should start to play the song, oh and Poison_Apple99 you'd better listen to it xD)

This is the part in the middle, the part between true love and loneliness, our last few years together as a couple. We haven't set a date for the break up, that's weird, right? People usually set dates for weddings and double dates, here we are trying not to set one for the day we know is getting closer. We agreed to part ways when it got too hard to be together, especially for him, he has to look at me everyday with a secret, a choice he made without me.

This is the filler, between the day we met and the day it has to end, it might be today, it might be tomorrow, we don't know, but when he tells me that it's time, I'll break, I'll try and be calm, I'll try to hold it together for him, so we can part on good terms. But once I'm alone that's it, the flood gates will burst open and everything I would try to keep bottled inside would overpower me, until death seems like the better option.

I know what you're thinking, that's dramatic, I would never do myself in because I lost him, I'd think about it, but I could never do it. Not when theres a chance that we could see each other again. I think about all of this everyday, that one of these days is our last together, it haunts me to no end, to the point where it's not even quiet underwater. My head is exploding because I'm scared, I'm unable to think of anything else, and I hate it. I have to enjoy our last days, I want to be deliriously happy, but I can't, because I know what's coming.

Maybe I should stand in the loudest room on earth, get loads of speakers, blast heavy metal into my ears, have some people drilling, a train go past, have a car rev its engine, maybe then I could think clearly. It would be nice not to be burdened by tomorrow. I have to remind myself to smile, to laugh, to enjoy a moment, but it's much harder than that. Larry seems to find it easy, I wonder if he has any advise for me. He recently lost all of his best friends, gave them up so that Ahk could be with his family, I have to give Ahk up to be with mine, so what does he do? What does he think about to stop himself from thinking about them?

I heard Larry's in school, studying to become a teacher, maybe I should quit my job and do that, it seems to be serving him well, but I should know by now that we all have different ways of coping. We don't talk much anymore, Larry and I, I think it hurts him when I tell him that Ahk and I are happy, anything I hear about him is through the grapevine. Nicky emails me sometimes, he's a good kid, he's applying to university soon, turns out he wasn't meant to be a DJ. This is good, focusing on other peoples lives, telling you about anyone but myself, takes my mind off how miserable I am.

Who else can I talk about? My family, they're happy, the twins are growing up so fast, still naive to the world, that must be bliss. My parents are just as they were two years ago when Ahk came back to me. Yes, two years have passed since the last time we spoke, seems strange somehow, it went by so quickly "Celeste?" Ahkmenrah, has he been talking to me?

"Are you ready?" We're going clubbing, trying to relive the old days and recreate old memories.

My smile is as convincing as I can make it as I nod and grab his hand "uh huh" I'm all dressed up, my dark hair is in it's natural waves, I'm wearing a little black dress and my most comfortable heels, red lipstick and so much eye makeup that I'm surprised I can hold my eyes open. Ahkmenrah has developed a style now, he typically picks weird clothes, he looks more like an art student than I did when I was in college, but today he chose something simple, a black shirt with a black jumper and some jeans. He's also started to favour black hoodies, colourful stripy socks and has even started to play the violin, which is nice, no idea where he's picked it all up, I pay for most of it, I don't mind, I like buying things for him.