Ink Blots: Thoughts on Writing from the Tentacle Pen

Chapter Four - Writing Relationships Part I

This is a subject I'm likely to come back to several times because it's something I feel strongly about. You can have a strong plot with lots of compelling events but if the relationships between your characters aren't believable it's going to fall flat. Not just romantic relationships, but family, friends, and enemies. However for this chapter I'm going to focus on romantic relationships.

There are several things I see people do in romantic storylines that make me cringe. As of the time I'm writing this I'm a little over a month away from turning 32, so I've spent just about half my life having romantic relationships, somewhere around 25 years reading about them, and my entire life observing my parents' marriage. I hope that has given me at least some insight into how they work, both successfully and non-successfully. So here is my run down of romance mistakes. Since most stories here on Wattpad are heterosexual and with a female POV I'm going to use she to refer to the main character and he to refer to the love interest for simplicity, however, this advice is gender and sexuality neutral.

Physical attraction is not as important as you think. I was with someone for 3 years that I wasn't physically attracted to because I was attracted to his personality and intelligence. That mental attraction outweighed the lack of physical chemistry. More recently I was with someone who is one of the sexiest and most attractive men I have ever met, the kind of guy you could easily picture as a model or actor. The chemistry between us was very intense but in the end we didn't mesh in too many other ways to keep it going. It was a fun couple months and we're still good friends but long term it couldn't have worked.

So what does this mean for your stories? It means you need to have a balance. If the only thing holding the relationship together is physical attraction without other aspects of compatibility it's not going to be a believable romance. They need to be able to laugh together, enjoy spending time together that isn't just sex (or sexual tension), and trust each other.

Successful relationships don't make people miserable. I get it, you need drama for a good story. Please come up with a way that isn't making your couple constantly fighting or your POV character thinking she can't stand him most of the time. At best it's unhealthy. Romance isn't always sunshine and puppies, people have arguments and make mistakes and have to repair their relationships all the time. There is a difference between flawed characters trying to make a relationship work and one that is irreparably broken. This is especially true if the romance is still in it's early stages, no one is going to stick around someone who makes them miserable long enough to fall in love.

I was with someone that made me miserable for far too long. I felt like I had to be on egg shells around him and it was emotionally draining, towards the end I was having anxiety attacks just from talking to him and since we lived together that was daily. Leaving him was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I would rather be alone than ever in a relationship like that again because I spent too much time deeply unhappy.

The following things are scary. Stalking, controlling behavior, isolating a partner from friends and family, uncontrollable jealousy, pressuring a partner for sex, any kind of non-consensual contact, etc. If you want to play with sexy fear it takes skillful writing not to cross the line into glamorizing abusive behavior as romantic. I'm completely in favor of people exploring the dark recesses of their imagination but you need to consider whether it's coming across that way.

In real life I do enjoy playing with pain and fear in my sexual relationships. I make no secret of the fact I'm involved in BDSM but it's all consensual and negotiated with my partners. However if anyone were to make me truly afraid of them or hurt me in a way that I didn't agree to, it would be an instant deal breaker because it's not okay.

That's it for this chapter. If you have any questions please ask in the comments and let me know if there's a topic you would like me to cover.