"I'm Sorry"

Three Months

Lexi's POV

"Are you alright sweetie?"

"You know you can tell us anything."

"Maybe you should put yourself out there more, you'll never find him like this."

"Stop moping around."

"What happened to you?"

Everyone around me is either too overbearing, or think that I am giving up on you. But the thing is, I already gave up long ago.

It's been three months since the day I found you. Since the day, I knew I could never have you. Since the day, I knew just being mates wasn't enough, but when has it ever been?

In all the fairy tales, story books, and novels, it seemed like it was enough.

Why am I not enough for you?

Will I ever be enough? For anyone?

I think I'm beginning to lose it. I'm not the same anymore, or at least that's what they say. Everyone around me that is.

Am I different?

Have I really changed?

I guess I'm a bit more lonely, but that's not anything new. I hardly have any energy to put a smile on my face anymore. It's like I'm slowly dying. I can feel when you're with her and it hurts like hell. I wonder do you see me when you look at her? I wonder what made you give up on Mates, what made you choose her and not me?

Was it something I had done?

Did I do something wrong?

I'm sorry.

I have cried over you so many times, I can't keep count anymore. I can't even call it crying anymore. It's breakdowns, that's what they are. It's getting harder to get out of bed each day. To get dressed, to eat, to even breathe. I can't find it in myself to be motivated to do anything anymore.

I'm surprised I lasted this long if we're being honest. I have heard so many stories about people dying from rejection or at least going rogue. It can't be the latter Andrea hasn't spoken to me for the past two months now. I can hardly feel her presence in the back of my mind anymore. She used to whimper at the sight of you. She used to growl in jealousy as you would shower her with love and attention. She used to wag her tail at our past memories.

[Flashback]

As kids it was the four of us, Malcolm, Landon, you and I. Malcolm and you were already well acquainted by the time Landon and I were able to go out and play. Malcolm and you were trying to only take Landon along with your adventures, saying "Boys only!" Of course I would cry and have a fit. Malcolm never liked it but mom made him take me along.

There was a day where you guys were playing with a football in the backyard. Really just playing catch with it honestly, since there wasn't enough people to make official teams.

My brother would tell me I could only watch and I'd have a fit. Normally you wouldn't in between us but something told you differently. You convinced my brother to throw the ball around a little. It was actually going great.

Until I tripped and fell. Crying over a scraped up knee. Landon was beside me instantly, trying to get me to calm down. Malcolm and you rushed over, my brother telling me,"Suck it up you big baby."

But you, I don't know what it was, triggered your Alpha voice at a young age and ordered my brother to get help. Sure Landon was there to comfort me but I think I was always waiting for you to make sure I was okay.

[End of Flashback]

I was always waiting for you. For what? I didn't know why then. Now it makes sense. Andrea, she even when dormant, sensed you as ours and craved your protection, love and care.

But now there's nothing.

All this time, every time I have cried over you Landon was there for me. From picking me up in the morning to avoid riding with you and my brother to school. To late night phone calls at ungodly hours of the day. Sometimes to just here my blubber on and on about how stupidly hurt I am over you. Others in silence to just have someone right beside me through the night.

Don't you know how ridiculous that sounds? That I need someone over the phone to even get the slightest bit of sleep. All because my thoughts run wild when my head hits the pillow, no longer having the day's events to distract my thoughts from you. Or the nights where my pain transfers into my dreams and I need someone to wake me up, so I can stop crying in my sleep.

Some nights where I just don't trust myself anymore. The ones where he calls me because he has a hunch that I might do something wrong. Something that could end my suffering. I don't have much will strength left in me.

Andrea isn't talking to me. I can't eat, sleep, or even function properly. I can't even talk to my own brother because you're his best friend and I would never want to ruin the friendship between you two. Though I doubt I could even step between your friendship.

I can't tell my parents. Hell when you used to come over so often, they were practically yours too. Doesn't change the fact that our parents are best friends too. I don't want to burden Landon anymore than I already have. I don't have anyone else to turn to.

There's no one who can understand my pain. No one has ever heard from them or they never lived, because that's the result of a rejection. I'm certainly not turning rogue if Andrea is practically gone.

So the question is still the same after all this time, how much time do I have left in me?