Regret Me Not | 김석진

Twenty Nine

If I could turn back time, I want to be the best man in the world.

July 20th, 2017

His eyes, dulled by time, scanned the night horizon before him. It was familiar, but the feeling with it was painfully new. He was alone this time, arms resting on his steering wheel as he looked out at the vast, unforgiving sea.

Loneliness and longing squeezed his heart so much he thought it might burst any second. It was a searing sensation that left nothing but sadness inside of him.

How long had it been? He'd counted out the months so many times that he could not forget. More than a year. He went into work everyday expecting Sungyoon to ask him how Victoria was, but the man kept to himself these days. He didn't speak much to Jin now that Victoria wasn't around.

He wondered so much about her. Was she okay? Was she happy? Did she fall in love with someone who could make her happy? The image of her leaving that day with all her things was engraved into his memory. She'd knocked over the vase of lillies he replaced every morning, like she always did.

He frequently wondered about his boys as well. The only way he knew that they were still alive was by the fresh graffiti on train station walls, the glowing lights of the gas station, the faint sound of a piano playing, the dance studio that seemingly never closed.

Jin opened the glove compartment and rummaged around the many polaroids to find the one he was looking for. He found the one of him and Yoongi, but he didn't like to look at that one. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Then he pulled out the polaroid of all of them making silly faces that day at the pool. Jin wasn't in it, as he was the one taking the picture. He smiled sadly in the dark. "I wonder..."

He sat back and threw the picture into the glove compartment before closing it. Maybe it was time he filled up his gas tank.

-

Fuck this is almost over