wake up // lil xan

deceived.

** READ THE A/N AT THE END **

Dropping out of school was probably the best decision I had made in my entire life. My anxiety had become somewhat more bearable, I was catching up on sleep, and I got to do xans even more.  Gus and I had become pretty much inseparable because his 'job' was rapping and I wasn't quite old enough to work, yet. My mom seemed to be playing off me dropping out of school as more of a break, but I knew it to be permanent. School never was for me. In sixth grade I would create ways to skip class and miss school because of my loathing of it. That's just how it'd always been for me; I didn't see a reason to change.

Gus texted me earlier in the morning, when I was still asleep, telling me that he had something to do today. That didn't phase me because every so often Gus has things he won't elaborate on 'for my safety' that he has to do or else. I don't know the 'or else' but I've never fretted too much over it. If he needed help he would reach out to me, and I trusted him for that. I rolled onto my side and saw that school would be out any moment, and I'd be going to Chelsea's. My drawer on my nightstand squeaked as I slid it open. The Xanax was hidden in an old tylenol bottle and I opened the lid easily. I had started keeping xans on me at all times, just in case.

The pill went down my throat easily and I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. My phone rang loudly in the quiet house, gulping down the rest of my water I answered it. Chelsea's voice sliced through the air.

"You're coming over this afternoon," she stated. It wasn't much of a question. It was an instruction.

"Yeah," I said, boredom lacing my tone.

"Good," and she ended the call.

Anxiety crept it's way up my throat, and I gulped it back down as I felt it being numbed. Xanax was kicking in and I had never been more grateful. Chelsea and Kim had asked me multiple times how I afforded my habit and I always told them I did odd jobs. Which wasn't a complete and total lie, but definitely left out some details. Like how my mom only gives me twenty dollars a week, but I go into her purse and grab a few extras. They don't have to know that, though. I sat on the front steps while I waited for Chelsea and Kimetrius to arrive. A cigarette was tucked precariously in my fingers while I felt my mind being taken over. Each drag felt like it kept me alive and my lungs moved only for the smoke. My vision was unfocused as I stared at the clouds with wonder.

How did they move like that?

What do they feel like?

How many clouds are there?

My thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. I snapped my eyes to the direction of the sound and Chelsea stood there with blazing red hair. When did she get red hair?

"C'mon," she quipped. I stood and followed her and Kim to her house. Which he had yet to say a word to me, and I knew if I wasn't off a bar I would be shaking from anxiety.

The only thing that could be heard were our footsteps and a light breeze making a wind chime tinkle in the distance. None of this felt right. This wasn't us. This isn't how we act. We're best friends and this feels like a business meeting. This one xan wasn't enough and I was itching to grab another. It was too late, though, we were already in Chelsea's
room. She sat on her bed, and I sat on my usual chair. Kimetrius propped himself on the door and I felt my heart drop.

"Diego," Chelsea sighed, "We know. We know about you and xans, which we could have looked over. We know you and Gus are super close. That's cool and even great.  But there's a problem. All you fucking do now is goddamn xans and hang out with Gus. Do you know the last time all three of us hung out?"