Savior (On Hold)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1-

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa

“Dr. Cole did it work? Am I pregnant?”

“Well Mrs. Woods; I really hate to deliver you bad news but the fertility treatment did not work.” Lowering her head she grips my hand tightly in hers and leads me from the room. So I’m never going to be a mom.  I’ll never be able to provide my husband with a child. What do I do now?  I can’t go home yet, I’ll have to tell my husband to re paint the guest room and remove the nursery furniture before I can go back home.

“Don’t take it to hard Mrs. Woods. There are many women out there that are in the same shoes as you.”

“Sometimes I just don’t understand.”

“No one does, it just happens. Life plays out in its own way. You’ll have your time.”

My silver odyssey looks like a safe heaven. As I slide into my slightly chilled Van; Rivers begin to flow from my eyes.  I’ll never be a mom…

~3 hours later~

My phone ringing startles me and I hit my head on my steering wheel.

“Hello?”

“Amber, where are you? I got home from work; the lights were off, your car wasn’t here. The last time I heard from you, you were on your way to the doctor.”

“I’ll speak with you when I get home ok?”

“Alright baby, also tell me why you went to the doctor.”  With that I hung up my phone and started to drive home.

When I walk in I smell spaghetti and meatballs, that’s Joeys favorite food and the only thing he can make that doesn’t involve a microwave.

“I made dinner baby.”

“Oh.”

“You seem a little absent minded.” What do I tell him? Should I tell him the truth? I can’t… it would kill him.

“I’m a little tired dear; that’s all.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“You need to eat if we are going to have a bun in the oven.” He says reaching down and rubbing my flat stomach.

“Yeah I know. I just don’t feel like I can eat tonight. I’m sorry you went through all that.”

“Its ok baby, go get yourself some beauty rest. Ill invite my guys over so we can eat and play poker.” He grasps my hand, kisses my cheek, then leans down and kisses my stomach.

“Goodnight.” With a sigh I walk up to the third story of the house and go into my personal bedroom.

We have five rooms on this floor: one is our shared bedroom, two are our personal bedrooms, the others are a large bathroom and… my nursery…

Once I lay down I begin to dream; my dream starts with me lying on my silken bed. Then as I move farther away I see a young boy laying next to me. Only about five years of age. He has darkened skin and beautiful brown eyes. He looks at me with those brown eyes and pleads to me as tears flow down his soft ashen cheeks.

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“Baby wake up.” Joey’s warm hands grip my shoulders and he shakes me slightly.

“What? Cant I get some sleep Joey?”

“Amber, you’re on the floor.” Her soft brown eyes flicker open and stare at the green walls around here. The crib is pushed up against the wall and is flipped upside down. The book shelf with the books and nursery decorations is tilted to the side and its contents spilled upon the floor. Joeys brown specked blue eyes show worry and concern.