Chubby ✔️

The Offer

I make it to my room somehow. I don't remember starting the car or driving at all. It's all a haze.

As I make my way upstairs, realization finally hits me. Hard. I've failed. At the one thing I thought I was good at. And now I don't even have that anymore.

What am I going to do now?

Should I tell my parents? No. They'll only laugh at me and realize I'm even more of a disappointment than they thought.

Thought after thought zooms through my mind and the tears seem to be insistent on not stopping.

I open my bedroom door and close it behind me, locking it. I don't want to face anyone. Not right now, at least.
I drop everything and fall on my bed, facedown and just let it all completely out on my pillow.

•••

I blink my eyes open and it hurts. They're so swollen from crying that I can barely keep them open. I hear a knock on my door and ignore it, hoping that Mom will leave.

After a few stubborn knocks, I hear footsteps fade away from my door and sigh in relief. I roll over onto my other side and stare out the window from where I lay. It's a clear night tonight.

I can't help but think of all those lucky girls who would've gotten selected today. They must be on top of the world right now. Feeling accomplished. I'm not one of those accomplished and successful girls.

I'm a chubby disappointment who has no idea what she wants in life and who's also a loner.

I realize I better start letting it sink in. The faster, the better. There's no point denying it anymore. I'm a loser.

I slowly get up into a sitting position and look at my hands as I think on what to do. My stomach growls but I ignore it and decide to start my homework.

Even though my world crashed around me, tomorrow is still another school day and those teachers won't be understandable when I tell them why I didn't do my homework.

With a sigh, I grudgingly unzip my school bag and take out all of my books as I sat on my bed, wondering what's going to happen next.

•••

As I make my way, dodging through people to my locker, a hand roughly latches onto my shoulder and I turn my neck to look at who it is.

I wish I hadn't.

It was Mila and Candice. They were smirking at me. I didn't realize until now, that a circle had formed around us and people were anxiously waiting to see how my torment would begin today.

I look down, hoping that by avoiding eye contact; I can make the verbal abuse tolerable. At least she doesn't know what happened yesterday.

"Heard you tried out for The Modeling Academy yesterday," are the first words that come out of Candice's mouth and the words that also make my whole body temperature run cold.

No. Please, no.

I glance at her with wide eyes and open my mouth to say something..anything. But nothing comes out and instead I close my mouth.

So she goes on, "I mean, what made you think you could ever become a model?" I look down at my shoes, finding the lace style I did a long while back, very interesting.

Thank God she doesn't know what happened. She just knows that I tried. Not that I failed.

"Did you even consider for a second that maybe you should join a gym before you try? Because honey, that face fat ain't cute."