Searching For The Light

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As she processes my questions, she rubs her face using her sleeves to wipe away her tears. Seeing as her state of mind was probably in ruins, I gently place my hand on her arm and maneuver us so that we are both sitting on one of the metal benches in the hallway.

"Kat? Hey, what happened?" I ask her, using her first name.

That seems to pull her out of her trance, as she groans and lets her face fall into her hands. She takes a deep breath, lifts her head, and looks me in the eye. It doesn't take a psychologist to see the pain this situation is causing her, making me all the more frantic to find out what's wrong.

She shakily exhales, and says, while trying to maintain her composure, "They are going to move Mira to the public hospital. I haven't been able to pay the bills for the past few weeks, and so they won't let me keep her here. But the facilities there aren't half as good as they are here. It just lowers the chances of my Mira ever recovering," she shakes her head as her voice breaks, "oh, I have failed my baby. I have failed her as a mother."

Everything seems to hit her again then, because she lets out a strangled sob and slouches into her seat. She fists her hands and presses them to her eyes, presumably to try and stop the tears, or rather to hide them. I cautiously put my arms around her in an awkward embrace, not knowing if it would help her feel better or worse. She seems to find comfort in the awkward hug, as she leans into me and starts whispering to herself in Spanish.

After some five minutes, Kat stops crying and gets off of the bench. She wipes off her tears and dusts off the imaginary dirt off her clothes. She then clears her throat and says, "I apologize for breaking down and I'm very sorry you had to witness that. But thank you. Thank you for everything."

She smiles a sad smile and turns around to walk to Mira's room. Just as she is about to turn the corner, I jump out of my seat and jog to her while shouting, "Mrs. Alvarez, wait! What if you asked Mira's father for financial help?"

She stops dead in her tracks and then turns towards me. Crossing my arms in what looks like a defensive stance, she asks, "Excuse me?"

I back away one step to give her some space and reply, "I'm sorry, I know you aren't on speaking terms, but Mira said that he's financially well off. Since this is an emergency, you could maybe ask him to cover the hospital bills?"

Her posture stiffens. She glares at me, answering, "I will not ask that arrogant, despicable excuse of a man for help. He has not been anything more than a sperm donor to my daughter and I most definitely will not put us in a situation where we are in his debt."

I shake my head and say in a stern tone, "No. Try to understand, please. Kat, this is not about your pride, or about your issues with your ex-husband. I don't know what happened in the past, but right now, he could help save Mira's life. And I imagine that you know, as her mother, that her life is worth being in someone's debt for. Please, consider it."

That seems to change her train of thought because her eyes glaze over as she stares down at her feet. Without looking up, she whispers a thank you and walks away in the opposite direction of Mira's room. I want to point out that she's going in the wrong direction but I don't when I see that she is heading towards the phone booth at the end of the hallway.

I smile to myself and walk to Mira's room. She still needed her medicine.

When I reach Mira's room, I see her through the glass door. She seems to be standing near the window on the far end of the room. I enter to see her IV needle on the floor next to her bed. There are bloody gauzes on the bed and a broken glass on the floor along with its contents. I put on a pair of latex gloves and grab a plastic bag, throwing the glass remains and bloody gauzes inside. After changing the IV tube and dumping the old one in the bag, I leave the bag near the trash can. Grabbing some alcohol pads and clean gauzes, I walk over to where she's standing.

Gently taking her hand and removing the gauze she clumsily wrapped around her wrist, I replace it with a new gauze after cleaning the area with alcohol pads. Having slightly thinner blood than normal, Mira bled profusely after needles were removed from her blood vessels.

"Stupid thing to do, kid," I say softly, dumping the used gauzes and my gloves in the trash.

"You don't know anything! You don't know what this is like, so don't you tell me what's stupid and what's not!" Ripping her wig off her head, she says, "I try to be positive, but there's nothing good about this. I'm going to die. I'm going fucking leave in a matter of months, weeks even, and my mother is throwing away everything for me. Everything!" She stomps on the wig for a bit, then kicks it to the side.

Putting on a bitter smile, she continues, "she told me all these bills were being covered by the insurance company, but you know what?! We don't have insurance! We don't have shit. Did you know that she got evicted from our apartment last month and has been living with her 'best friend' all this time?" She asks sarcastically, then punches the window, her skull ring cracking the glass. Kat hadn't mentioned being evicted.

She makes quotation marks with her fingers, saying, "This 'best friend' of hers dumped her off here a while ago. She also told me how she's sick of taking care of my 'charity case of a mother'. Of course, she didn't leave without telling what my mom's life has been like. Apparently, she's lost her job and has been eating at the local shelter for the past week," her tone becomes indifferent. But it quickly changes as she resumes talking in a more hysterical tone, "at the shelter! And here I am, her near dead daughter eating first class meals. That is what is bloody fucking stupid! Spending all your money, ruining your life over your dead daughter is stupid. She doesn't have anything because she thinks I'm more important. But can't she understand that I'm not worth spending all this money on. I'm stage 4, Jared! I'm a ghost. I'm gone already," she finishes, letting out a bitter laugh.

Her jaws are clenched and her eyes alight in pure rage. She stares out the window for a bit longer, before punching the glass again. Letting out a string of profanities, some in English and some presumably in Spanish, she bolts for the bathroom. I consider stopping and comforting her, but seeing her rub her teary eyes, I let the thought drop. What good could I possibly be at comforting a crying teenage girl?

I hear the bathroom door slam shut and loud bangs proceed. Seems like the breakdown wasn't over just yet. I pick up her wig from the floor and drop it on the bed side table. Then I walk to the bathroom door and lean against it. The bangs have stopped, all I hear is heavy breathing and occasionally, sniffs.

"I'm sorry I called you stupid," I say, silently praying that my apology won't cause another breakdown.

Thankfully, I receive a light chuckle in response. We're both silent for a little while before Mira softly says, "thank you, Jerry."

"It's gonna be alright, kid. Trust me," I try to put every bit of assurance I can into my words. Then, I run my fingers through my hair and leave the room to go get a broom.

Whilst walking to the janitors closet, I rake my mind looking for an excuse I could give John about why the window had two very noticeable cracks in it. Maybe if I helped get rid of the problem before Kat had to worry about it, everything would get easier.

* *

I drop my keys and bag on the couch and walk to my bedroom. Walking to the bed, I let myself fall face first into the soft pile of pillows. Once I had cleaned up the broken glass from the window, I had told John that the cracked window was my fault. After deducting part of my salary (more than necessary) to fix the window, John let it go.

Then I went back to Mira's room to replace her IV, where I found Kat and Mira hugging. Mira had her back to me, and when Kat saw me, she had given me a warm smile. After they were done embracing, Mira settled into bed. I gave her her medicine and replaced the IV drip. Once, I was done wishing her luck for her chemotherapy session later today, I left the room.

Then, I finished up some smaller things, checked out, and left for home. On the way home, I had realized that I never ate lunch, so I stopped at the local diner. There I saw Mrs. Ember, who insisted that I eat with her, and I agreed. So, after a good meal consisting of a greasy burger and coleslaw, I helped Mrs. Ember to the grocery store across the street.

After that, well, here I am. Letting out a big, tired sigh, I let the sleep I very much needed take me away.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Kevin was going come back from Singapore. Hoping the treatment was successful and wondering how he was doing, I drift off into the world of dreams.