A Piece of His Heart / larry uni AU

chapter nineteen

Louis would like to say that things stay the same over the next two weeks. They don't.

Louis gets blisters on his feet while heading back up the stairs, blooms a knotting pain in his lower back passing through the balcony doors, and with Zayn's worrisome expression merely a passing thought, his laps sort of just... stop.

But his driving desire to alienate himself definitely doesn't.

Louis takes to the streets.

He walks around the campus until people begin to look at him like he's lost, takes the tube to the most eastern side of town, and then back to the most western side. He attends a footie game and feels like he's drowning, walks by the lawn aside Crane Hall East and feels like he's colourblind, bounds through Arch's doors only when he is sure Harry is off and, when Cassandra peers at him anxiously over the counter, diverts his attention out the window.

What happens when L and H aren't forever? Why would anyone ever do that to themselves?

He inhales the boy with every breath. He feels the boy in every touch. He sees the boy in every passerby. It makes him sick.

And that's why "Louis? Louis!" nearly makes him throw up, as he passes by the campus library after his last final.

He knows that voice well. He knows her slate-coloured eyes too, as she quickly closes the distance between them, and then stares at him like she's not sure if he's real.

Louis hasn't spoken to her since he left for the wedding. He hasn't spoken to anyone, actually.

"Hey!" Emilie exhales, out of breath and wind-blown, and all Louis can think is—did she read it? Does she know? Because this is Louis' life now, wondering how many passersby already know him better than he knows them, "Shit, Louis, I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages. Do you not use your mobile anymore? And I don't care if you were busy cramming for finals."

Louis figures she doesn't. She busies herself with straightening out her jacket as she awaits his response, her breath falling from her mouth in white puffs, but no sound comes from Louis' mouth.

He merely watches her, blinking slowly, dreading the moment she looks up.

When she does, she's already speaking, "Unless you've already moved on."

Louis shakes his head, offering up something just short of a smile, he knows she's joking, "I could never." he says.

"Good," She grins, hiking her bag further up her shoulder, the wind nearly blows off her beanie, "Hey, we should all go for drinks soon."

Louis nods again, swallowing thickly. There's a pause. There never used to be pauses between them.

She notices this. "So, uh," She looks elated when a new topic dawns upon her, "Oh, massive congrats to Harry on his win. Seems you guys really are royalty around here."

Louis freezes when she begins to laugh, and he can't even force a smile this time. He physically can't. It's the first time he's heard his name in weeks, and he can't seem to focus on anything other than the sickness in his stomach.

This is why he's been avoiding everyone. He doesn't want to hear his name out loud.

Her smile immediately falls. "Louis?"

Louis blinks.

She blinks back. "What's happened?"

Louis turns toward the street, the wind drying out his eyes, "Drinks soon. Don't let me forget." and then he's bounding down the pavement, her voice dying in the wind behind him.