Harry Potter and the secret Past

Two steps back

By the time morning came and Madam Pomfrey entered the hospital wing, Harry was lying on his back staring blankly at the ceiling. He couldn't even summon the energy to close his eyes and pretend to be sleeping when the medwitch came over to him, he just continued to stare detachedly. He was emotionally drained and hadn't slept a wink.

Madam Pomfrey had been pleased with Harry's recovery and relieved that the treatment hadn't had any negative side effects. When she went over to him, she was ready to wake him and send him down to breakfast, but once she took a longer look at him, she felt troubled. The boy was pale and his emerald eyes were red and puffy, staring blankly into thin air. She couldn't send the boy off to breakfast in this state.  
"How are you harry dear?" She asked gently as she reached a hand down to his forehead. His temperature wasn't out of the ordinary, she observed.
Harry just blinked owlishly up at her, barely registering what she was saying. He felt hollow. Empty.

Madam Pomfrey was deeply concerned for the boy. He seemed perfectly fine last night, happy even. But now he looked even more emotionally drained than he did when he first entered her wing. She supposed it was only natural for the child to have moments of despair, it was clear from his injuries that the child had been through a lot, but rarely had she seen such depression, such desolation in a child so young.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Poppy questioned tentatively.
Harry looked up at his matron. He could see the lines of worry etched into her face and was confused for a moment. But of course, he thought, he must look a right state, having barely slept and been crying for hours. Madam Pomfrey was too good a women, he didn't deserve her worry. He didn't deserve anything.
"It was nothing" he muttered, as he pushed himself into a sitting position, avoiding her eyes. He hadn't wanted to sit up, he didn't want to have to get out out bed, he wished he could just sleep forever, forgetting his troubles, forgetting who he was.  It no longer helped that he was free of his injuries and pain. Now, the absence of pain only made him feel guilty. He had deserved each and every one of those bruises.
Madam Pomfrey watched the boy as he seemed to loose himself in dark and troubled thoughts. She sighed heavily. "Id like you to stay here just a little longer harry" she said, bringing harry out of his thoughts. "Have breakfast here and i will see if your up to joining your afternoon classes"
She received a small nod in return and satisfied, she made her way into her office. There she called a house elf and instructed it to provide Harry with a nutritional breakfast, before turning to he fire where she flooed for Severus. Professor Snape had specifically asked to be updated on Harry's condition, and as Harry seemed to somewhat trust his potions master, she hoped the boy would open up to him about his troubles. 
"Severus?"
"Poppy? Any changes with Harry?" The professor asked immediately. He hadn't expected to be called this soon.
Madam Pomfrey shook her head at a loss. "He's reacted just fine to the treatment but i am worried about him Severus. You saw him yesterday, full of energy, positively beaming fo ear to ear, but now....  he looked depressed. He must have had a bad dream or something but i can tell he wont open up to me"
Severus was quiet for a few moments, taking a seat by the fire. "He has been through a lot. Healing his body was not going to take all his troubles away." He let out a long breath. How had he got so involved in this mess? Why now did his heart ache for the boy? "I will come visit him, i have a free period this morning, but i hardly believe he will open up to me"
Madam Pomfrey smiled sadly "try Severus. You just may be surprised, it seems as though your the first adult in Harrys life that has ever actually helped. The boy will recognise that"
Severus gave a non-committal grunt. He wasn't sure how he felt about this. With mixed emotions he made his way  over to the hospital wing, wondering how he'd become so involved with Potters spawn.
On entering the hospital wing, he was reminded just why that was. As he looked down  upon a pale Harry, sat by a half full plate of food, staring at his bed covers, he saw nothing of his old rival. There was no James Potter arrogance, there was only a vulnerable, scared young child who reminded Severus so painfully of himself. And in that moment, Severus vowed to help him.
"Aren't you eating your breakfast Harry?" Professor Snape asked, alerting Harry of his presence. The boy jumped slightly and upon recognising his teacher, he became fearful. He sat up straighter and fidgeted with his sheets.
'Not hungry" he mumbled, refusing to look the Professor in the eyes .
Hmmm. Definitely must have had a nightmare, thought severus. The difference in the boy in this morning compared to the energetic child he was just last night was very disheartening. "Do try to eat just a little more Harry" he knew Harry's body wasn't used to large meals but food was vital to the boys recovery. Harry lifted a slice of toast to his mouth and took a half hearted nibble. Severus was concerned to see that Harry seemed to be trying to hold back tears, turning his head so the potion master couldn't easily see.

Harry felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes and tried to blink them away. Professor dumbledore had been right, harry must distance himself from Snape before he disappointed the man, but that doesn't mean it didnt hurt. For some unknown reason Harry found himself longing to talk to Snape, to seek comfort from the man who seemed to generally care but he new he couldn't.  He knew there was no point, he already new how this story ended.

"Madam Pomfrey was hoping to discharge you later today" snape said in an attempt to cheer the child up, but harry didn't respond, he just stared blankly in the opposite direction. "Perhaps this evening you could come to my quarters and i can help you with what we discussed yesterday" At this, harry visibly panicked, confusing Severus.
"I don't need to sir, honest. You don't need to trouble yourself."
"We've been through this already Harry and i do not wish to discuss this again. You are required in my quarters so i can give you the help you need" honestly, thought severus, the boy seemed resigned to this yesterday, why now was dying to argue it again.

Harry didn't know what to do. He felt overwhelmed, he didn't know how to solve this. He knew snape wasn't going to let it go but Dumbledores words still rang in his ears. He mustn't get too close to Snape.
Anger and frustration flared up in him and he turned to snape, raising his voice. "I don't NEED any-"
"Potter listen to me!" Snape interjected angrily
"No YOU listen" Harry interrupted, breathing heavily, gasping through his fear. Snape's eyebrows had disappeared into his hair line and he had turned red with rage but harry continued in panic, his voice rising to a shout. "I dont need help. Ive never needed help, I'd been doing perfectly fine before you but your nose in it! Just leave me alone, i do not need some greasy Professor telling me what to DO!" He roared, his voice breaking, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't do this anymore, he had to get out. He jumped out of bed and sprinted towards the door of the hospital wing and yanked at the handle. But the Door would not budge. He turned wildly to see snape advancing on him and he pulled at the door desperately, with all his might. No longer holding back his sobs.

Professor Snape was aghast. How dare the little brat... he thought but caught himself. No. Harry wasn't a brat, he didn't know what he saying, he was confused, scared and needed Severus' help whether he liked it or not. He slowly approached the broken boy who now was striking the door hysterically with his fists, releasing cry's of anguish. "Harry" he began cautiously, at a loss. "Please just calm down and talk to me" he reached out the boy, attempting to pin his arms to prevent him form hurting himself further.
Upon contact, Harry screamed "NO!" As loud as he could and simultaneously, the hospital windows shattered, littering the floor with tiny shards of glass. Harry looked around in pure terror at what he had done and fell to his knees against the door shaking uncontrollably, crying loudly, cowering away from a shocked Severus. Professor Snape would sure hate him now and he would no doubt be sent back to the Dursley's.

Severus needed a moment to collect himself as he watched the scene in front of him. Harry was a mess. He had no idea what had made the boy so hysterical but he was clearly terrified. "Shh" he whispered as he knelt before the quivering mass that was Harry. He reached out to lay a comforting hand on the boys shoulder but Harry flinched away, closing his eyes as if expecting too be hit. Severus' heart sunk. He was unexpectedly hurt. How could Harry think he would hurt him? He was still stung by the boys earlier words and he felt his own despair and disappointment well up inside him. But no, this was not Harry's fault. He could not blame him for this. The boy must be so confused and scared.

Madam Pomfrey had emerged from her office at the sound of shattering glass, but was keeping a respectful distance away. This was up to severus to fix. Signing softly, he summoned a calming draught and pressed it into Harry's trembling hands. Puffy Emerald eyes looked up, and slowly Harry swallowed the potion. After a few moments, colour returned to Harry's face and his trembling ceased, but tears continued to cascade down his little red cheeks. "Shush now Harry" he whispered, brushing his hair out of his face. Harry let out a week sob before falling immediately into an exhausted slumber.