A Little Death

four. Monster

"You're a monster! You are absolutely corrupt! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"What?" I said,

"Pineapple on pizza?What is wrong with you? Pineapple should not be on pizza." Zoe teased, playfully nudging  my shoulder.

"You're too funny, Zoe, really, you crack me up." I teased back, giving her nudge back.
My brain was confused- did I want to kill her or not? I mean, I had to. I can't let someone get too close to me, I can't let her have an effect on me. That'll totally defeat my purpose here.
"That'll be twenty dollars please." The woman at the pizza shop said.
"Twenty dollars for two pizzas?" I questioned. Man, when did things become so expensive?
"It's God's way of saying fuck you for having pineapple on your pizza." Zoe said, clearly amused with herself. She was funny.
But I needed to stay strong. I couldn't have myself fall for her. She can't come into my world, it's far too complex for her to understand. She doesn't fit in my plan, she is not like those naive pretty girls. She is a good soul who cares beyond her looks or her selfish needs or wants. I don't know if I want to kill her, but my thirst can't be quenched. I'll need to find something else worthwhile, maybe hanging around with Zoe is too risky.
After we had finished our pizzas, we walked out on to the street. It had became chilly, and I noticed Zoe shivering.
"I hate autumn weather. It's way too cold." She said, rubbing her arms.  I suppose I'll be nice and give her my jacket, I'm boiling anyway.
"Here." I said, passing her my jacket. She declined my gesture, but I insisted.
Oh God Harry what the hell are you doing? This is not healthy. This will become an obsession. You will lose everything you've worked for and planned for for some girl who will probably abandon you. Just like Briana...
Just. Like. Briana.

" You know what, I'm just gonna be honest. I like you, James. I really think you're cool. I wanna hang out a lot more." Zoe said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
Usually, hearing this would excite me- my plan would be escalated. She wants to get closer- then she'll fall in love with  me, then I can kill her and get the satisfaction I crave.
But I felt utter dread. I felt scared, I,the serial killer, was scared. And worst of all, I knew I had to kill her. I didn't want to, but I couldn't give up the opportunity.
But would she plead with me? Would she actually beg me for her life? Would she use selfish reasons to justify the delay of her demise?  It didn't seem likely. Usually the other pretty girls I kill, they are selfish. They are materialistic with horrible attitudes and personalities. But Zoe, she was different.
She was not the one I was looking for, I cannot love her. I need to kill. I need to get away from her, totally isolate myself. I need to let her go- she will do no good for me.