Never To Fall

The Writer

"Your pretty little poetry won't change a thing." He texted me, "I will never love you again."

I threw my phone to my bed.

Too bad he took a shot and missed because I didn't write for him, I never wrote for him. I wrote about what he made me feel, not about him. I didn't truly love him anyway, how could I love someone who never took my words seriously, and someone who told me, "you can't make a career out of poetry."

Someone who laughed when I called myself a poet, a writer, when I said I bled ink, he rolled his eyes and smirked.

The man that I wrote about was the man I only saw in my dreams, he would visit me at night, and it's a funny thing, I think that's why I like sleep so much.

The only way I could make him come alive was through words and paper. I think that's where he got confused, he mistook my creative side for something else, he thought HE was him. That I was trying to get him back. God, no, at least, I don't think so. Well, I was writing about who I wished he was.

I was not begging him to come back. I was merely squeezing my heart out of all the love I thought we had.

Is it wrong to blog about a tragic love story? One wherein the girl realizes that she was in love with the possibility of him and not the reality of him.

It's been months since we broke up. But he still affects me so much.

I hate him for making him feel this way. I hate him for making me believe that "we" could happen, that we could last.

I only loved 3 guys in my life. My dad, my bestfriend and my ex boyfriend.

My Dad died when I was in highschool. Cancer of the lungs. He was my hero. My strenght. But its very hard when you see your hero being slowly being beaten by a disease. You also lose hope. In order to provide for me when my dad died, my mom left to work abroad. Leaving me in the care of my grandmother, Lola Lala.

My ex bestfriend is now a nobody in my life. We had been bestfriends since elementary and highschool. We were neighbors. We made plans for college. We enrolled in the same school and same course. But a stupid act in an after graduation party in highschool happen. He spent his summer in the province. And when he came back he was a different person. We barely talk. We barely acknowledge each others existence. I guess we just grew apart.

And then theres Matt, Matthew Andrei Salazar. Your typical jock. The college basketball superstar. I really don't know what I like about him. I guess it has to do with that magical first meet. The first time we really talk. But that is all past now.

Nobody thought that we would last. Me, Angela Mae Encarnacion, the school paper editor in chief falls in love with the basketball superstar? That would be the headlines. But it did happen, nevertheless, we all prove them right.

My problem is that I fall in love with words, rather than actions. I fall in love with ideas and thoughts, instead of reality. And it will be the death of me.

It only lasted for six months. A roller coaster ride. And it ended in a crash.

You know what's worse? is when after the crash you realized that you were the only one on that ride.