Holding My Breath ~ Larry Stylinson

Chapter 18

"We're like na na na! Then we're like yeah yeah yeah!" our voices filled the arena as we walked across the stage in sync.
"No we can't make up our minds, cause when we think we've got it right..." Zayn's soulful voice echoed as the veins in his neck strained. I looked at Harry as he sang, his eyes glassy from the lights that were shining on him.
"We go na na na!" we finished the song and the fans went crazy, jumping, screaming, stomping their feet.

"Thank you for coming! Have a safe journey home, we love you!" Liam shouted into his microphone as the stage was plunged into darkness. We sprinted off the stage, breathless and sweaty. We wandered through the hallways backstage and everyone was hugging and shouting how happy they were. I hugged everyone and squeezed Harry a little more than the others.

"Boys, you have a lot more shows to do, rest your damn voices!" Our vocal coach scolded us and we obeyed, getting quieter. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and played my music. Sleeping With Sirens' cover of Iris came on and I sighed. The song reminded me of Harry for some reason. Although, he was always on my mind anyway.

As the music played, I looked down at the floor with my hands in my pockets. As I looked back up, I saw that Harry was smiling at me.

"You alright?" He said, I couldn't hear him but I could see what he'd said by looking at his lips. I nodded and threw a small smile his way. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds before turning back round to Liam.

"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be," I closed my eyes briefly at the words, wishing I could sing this to Harry every moment of the day. I reached the dressing room and pushed my suspenders down off of my shoulders and let them hang down by my legs. I sat down on the sofa and turned up the music, not wanting to speak to anyone. Weeks ago, I had told myself that I would share this moment with Harry. The moment after our first show. I want to spend it talking with him. I should be. I rested my head on the cushion of the sofa and felt a tear slide down my cheek as I took in the lyrics. I couldn't help it, I'd held back these tears for too long. I wasn't done crying, I wasn't done being upset over losing him. I wiped it away quickly but soon my hand was damp as the tears wouldn't stop. As the song finished I paused it and took out my headphones, throwing the phone down next to me.

"Lou..?" Harry's voice called. I shook my head and stood up, not looking at him. I grabbed my clothes and jacket then headed out the door. I jumped onto the tour bus, waving and giving the fans a few fake but convincing smiles, before changing into my fresh clothes and sitting down on my bunk. I pulled my knees up onto it and pushed myself back so I was leaning up against the wall of the bus. I felt something inside me snap as my head fell into my knees and I began to sob. It had hit me hard again that I had lost him. Probably forever. I held my arms around my legs and pulled them close to me so I was in a ball, small defeated whimpers rising from my lungs.

"Louis, you ok?" Liam ran onto the bus and put his arms around me.

"Yeah.. yeah I'm fine." I lied, my voice breaking as I pulled away from him, my arms still wrapped round my legs. He sat down on the bed next to me and I felt a pang of sadness flow through me as I looked into his sympathetic eyes. I drooped my head onto his shoulder and wiped my eyes. I was just happy to have someone there with me who wouldn't question me or pressure me into telling them what was wrong.

"It's ok.." Liam wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I sniffed, the tears finally stopping. I sat up slowly and he put his hand on my other shoulder.

"Sorry." I whispered and he shook his head.

"Don't be. Sometimes you need to let these things out.. Louis, whatever is going on... Just know we're all here for you." he smiled and I nodded, silently allowing him to go to his own bunk. A few minutes later, the others entered the bus one by one.