I Am Nobody (phan)

30*Vanilla

Phil

My parents drove me and Louise to the station where Dan was being held. Something wasn't sitting right with me, and it certainly wasn't the silence in the car. If anything, it was comforting as it gave me space to think.

What did I really want?

My mum pulled me out of the car, hugging my lanky body up the few steps into the building. We were led into a side room, my Dad and Louise staying in the waiting area, whereas Mum came in with me. We sat at two chairs, opposite another one, but only one of the seats were occupied. I shook the hand of the officer, then so did my mum, as the three of us sat down.

'I'm officer Harrison,' she spoke, 'I'm here to talk you through the case and what decisions we'll take together.' I nodded, not able to speak through the lump in my throat. I didn't feel used by Dan, not at all. I didn't even feel like these were his intentions, 'Now, I'm going to list the possible charges, from the information you have given us, feel free to add anything at the end: breaking and entering, stalking, manipulative behaviour, spying.' I nodded, 'Are you aware that Daniel Howell has various restraining orders across other people, with a criminal record?' I nodded, feeling my mum's shocked gaze against me.

'Phi-'

'What am I expected to do with this?' I asked, wanting to get out of here. But then it occurred to me, what did I want? In all honesty, Dan was simply broken. For all I knew, he could've tried moving all the cameras when he came around mine with me, but didn't get the chance. I certainly didn't want a restraining order, as she was currently suggesting, in all honesty, I just wanted him in my arms. Prison was beyond unreasonable in my mind.

'Or you could drop all charges.' she sighed as if knowing my answer.

'Phil, seriously think about this.'

'Drop all charges.'

'Phil, you don't know him-'

'Trust me, I fucking do. I want to talk to him about this and not assume. He's broken-!'

'That doesn't mean-'

'It does fucking mean! I know I can help! I'm sure I have helped! The last thing he fucking needs is to be here thinking I'm ditching him like everyone else in his life has. I know him better than anyone, he's changed. I love him, Mum!' I gulped, groaning as I resting my forehead onto my hands against the table. I rubbed my eyebrows, sighing, 'I love him.' Mum gently rubbed my back.

'Are we able to make our decision tomorrow?' she asked the officer.

'Of course, the quicker the-'

'Can I see him?'

'Phil is that a good-'

'I want to see him.' I snapped, standing up. The officer nodded, opening the door and leading us out, 'Can you wait for me, Mum?' she reluctantly nodded, walking in the opposite direction. The officer turned us around a corner, which is where I saw Dan.

'Shout if you need assistance.' the officer commanded, unlocking the door and walking away, but I doubt far.

'Dan?!' I smiled. He looked up, staring blankly at me. He gulped, looking down. I stayed where I was, 'You don't know how much I'm resisting crushing you in a hug right now, do you?' he looked up, chuckling slightly.

'You're not-' I shook my head, smiling at him.

'Shut up you bastard.' I smiled, walking over. He stood up, taking my shoulders as I pulled his body towards me. My heart was vibrating under my chest, feeling the rise of his chest against mine, too, 'I love you.' I whispered, only then realising I had to sniffle the words because of the tears forming against my eyes. Dan gripped me tighter at this.