When Sydney Sherwood was thirteen, she fell in love. She was utterly enamoured with Carter Pearson - the cute, enigmatic, brilliant fourteen year old who lived across the street. But, after only a few months, Carter and his family disappeared, leavi...
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Two am. I was still wide awake. Sighing restlessly, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. After a moment of squinting against the brightness of the screen, I opened instagram and saw that Carter had posted on his story. I clicked on it quickly to reveal a blurry photo that looked like it was taken at some kind of nightclub. Going through the several installments, I recognised Kyle by Carter's side in a selfie with a group of lads. There were a few videos of unintelligible shouting as the camera moved too fast to pick up anything besides some flashing lights.
Of course, as per his reputation, Carter appeared in one photo with his arms around the waists of two beautiful girls. One of them was kissing his cheek and I felt a surge of anger. But he wasn't mine to be possessive over. Even worse, I'd brought it upon myself.
If I'd accepted his suggestion earlier would he be staying in with me instead? Given how often seemed to stay out until the early hours getting up to God knows what, it seemed unlikely. He wasn't planning on changing any time soon, and neither was I, which was exactly why we wouldn't work (or, at least, that's what I kept telling myself).
Finally, Carter's story came to an end and I put my phone down again. The image of the girl kissing his cheek remained burned into my mind's eye.
Ridiculously, the person I wanted to talk to about how I was feeling was Carter, but he was the the one person I couldn't go to. I stared up at the ceiling and wondered if I'd dodged a bullet or just made a massive mistake. If we weren't meant to be, if I had saved myself by resisting him, then why did I feel so awful?
When my alarm went off early the next morning, I instantly felt sick with sleep deprivation. I'd eventually fallen asleep at around three am, but it was a fitful sleep and I found myself waking up constantly. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was losing control, even though I'd never felt more secure in my studies or my friendships.
I went about my morning routine like a zombie, feeling ready to nod off any moment. It wasn't until I'd made myself a cup of coffee and let the caffeine hit my bloodstream that I even attempted to do anything productive. After brushing my teeth, I stared at myself long and hard in the bathroom mirror, like I was looking at a stranger. My skin seemed even paler than usual, freckles standing out in stark contrast. There were dark rings hanging under my eyes, the result of my sleepless night. Seeing myself now, I looked small and young. It seemed impossible that Carter, with all his charisma and good looks, liked me, even just as a physical attraction.
Taking a deep breath, I turned away from the mirror. Enough. I knew that I needed time alone and I'd made my decision, so now I had to deal with the consequences.
To my surprise, I spotted Carter's friend Kyle in the entrance to the library. It was still only nine thirty and, judging by what Carter had been posting, he'd had about the same amount of sleep as me. At least I didn't have a hangover to deal with.
