jailbird ☍ cth

☍ one

It was a fateful Friday that I realized she'd given up.

Bexley was here just two months ago. We were talking about when I'd get out and how she couldn't make it the next week because she had a job interview, since I wasn't around to bring in the extra money necessary. I was fine with it, I knew that one of the boys would come to see me instead or maybe my mum. I knew she'd be back the week after.

But two weeks later when Luke showed up with a fucking message from Bexley that she couldn't make it again because of work, I knew she was done trying.

I can't say I didn't blame her. Waking up every morning without me, knowing she'd have to wait a year and a half more for me to get out, and who would do that? Who would wait for fucking two years for someone to get out of prison for something terrible involving them in the first place? Nobody, that was who.

Then there was the fact that my baby was growing inside of her tummy. It was no question it was my baby. We'd obviously had goodbye sex before I came in here and that was three weeks before she realized she was late or whatever. She explained that we must have been careless about it that time. But I couldn't help but notice the tiniest bit of excitement in her eyes. She was upset when she first found out, angry even. I would be too if the only other important person to this baby was in prison.

But as time went on and she was four months pregnant, far enough along to see the slightest baby bump, she was glowing. I looked through the class as she lifted her tank top and showed me the belly bump, and I smiled from ear to ear. We discussed names and which gender we wanted, but then she told me she couldn't come.

I wanted a baby girl, by the way.

"Cal," my mum cried through the phone and it broke my heart to watch her face crumble with pain, "it's so hard without you."

I kept strong for the sake of my ego and pride and the fact that Mali was there, as well. "I know, Mum, but time's dwindling down. Don't worry, okay? I'll be out before you know it."

She nodded and I smiled as assuringly as I could. Mali took the phone and told me all about what's going on with life. But when I asked about Bexley she got quiet. I asked as many questions as possible, but both her and my mum wouldn't answer. Why wouldn't the answer? She was okay, that's all they would tell me.

It was currently a Monday. I knew this because one of the only things they let me have is this plain stationary calender. I wrote all the important dates I could remember, like my mum's birthday and me and Bexley's anniversary of meeting. I remember how we met like it was yesterday.

She was off of class, like I said, and we had both gone to the grocery store. I had to pick up some essentials for Michael and I's apartment, and she was there doing God knows what. We both reached for the last bottle of Vegemite and a war broke out, basically. I was trying to sweet talk her and compliment her into letting me have it, but she was stubborn, no matter what her red cheeks showed. So I made her a promise.

She lets me have this Vegemite, and I'd take her out.

That was how it all began. I took her out that night and she looked so fucking beautiful in that dress she wore and when she danced with me under the lights of the club I'd taken her to. I think that was when I saw something in her eyes and I agreed with my conscious that I wanted to do something with this girl. Anything.

Granted, I also took her home and we slept together at her place, but I stayed the night. I also stayed the next day, and the day after, because I was stuck.

But Bexley Ryan'd given up on me.

I shuffled out of my cell and went to the mess hall for breakfast, which was about as appetizing as a bucket of dog shit, but what happens, happens. It wasn't like I could force her to love me, that was her choice. I didn't understand why she loved me in the first place. I was scary and rude and wasn't a good boyfriend to her at all, and sometimes I got really mad about small things, but she loved me anyway. She held on for her life through all of our ups and downs. Then the moment she had the chance she fled.