Saving Everest

10.

Everest

Confession: I can't even look at a taco anymore.

That Saturday morning, my mouth felt like cotton and my head continued to pound. I woke up aching and confused, eyes blurry and throat dry.

I groaned and rolled over. My hand cradling my head to somehow ease the ache. A bottle of water next to my bed caught my eye and I gulped it down. I laid back on my bed and stared up at my ceiling, recollecting my thoughts.

Have you ever just laid in bed and thought about how you managed to make it? I've had thoughts so absolutely horrid about myself, I literally tried to kill myself and I'm still here.

It's been three weeks since my attempt and I'm still wondering what I'm still here for. I have nothing to live for.

The dark room corresponded to my dark thoughts. The sun tried to make its way through the shield of blinds, but it was no use. Light can't win with this darkness.

The night before yesterday, my dad came home, bringing my grandpa. My grandfather isn't much different from my dad. Stern faces and briefcases. I think the reason my dad is the way he is now is because of his father. When I was younger I thought that my grandfather was the coolest guy, with his cigars imported from Italy and his expensive suits.

"One day you'll have it all," he used to tell me.

I was eight and I remember me being so determined in making sure I lived up to the family name.

I'm eighteen and I failed.

I thought that the pressure and stress was too much. The lying awake thinking about how I could be better. To not let anyone down, to make my father finally proud of me. Anxiety filling me up with emotion. Too much emotion. The tears and the blood, there was so much of it.

But nothing compares to now. Where absolutely nothing but disgust and disappointment comes along with my name. My grandfather told me yesterday night that I was weak. He called my appearance a disgrace, my dad watched with his arms folded and eyebrows furrowed.

When my grandfather punched me in the gut, my dad left the room. I bent forward and groaned, I wrapped my hand around my stomach and coughed a few times.

"I didn't want to have to do that, but your father needs to start toughening you up."

When Friday rolled around I didn't want to go to school. I took my truck and went to The Basement, I smoked until I couldn't even remember my name.

I don't remember how I got home, the last thing I remember is Aurora bringing in tacos. The taste of tacos still relevant in my mouth. My truck wasn't in the garage, so I must have walked all the way home.

My weekend was pretty much uneventful. I stayed in my room and listened to music. When you have earbuds in and shut your eyes, you can kind of forget about the world. My family doesn't come and check on me, so there's no interruptions. It's getting hard to tell if I'm avoiding my family or if my family is avoiding me.

I decided to go to school today just to spite everyone. Especially Nash.

"Hey Everest!" I lifted my head from my desk and was met eyes with my former teammate, Gabe Brooks.

"How's it feel knowing that Nash stole your girlfriend and your quarterback position?" he asked laughing, his blonde bowl cut, shaking slightly. It's funny how fast he forgets that I was the one he talked to when his girlfriend cheated on him.

"How's it feel knowing that your hair is three Justin Bieber's ago?" Nami asked him, before sending me a sympathetic smile.

I looked away and put my head down. The teacher collecting worksheets that I didn't do.