Foreign Ground (Yuzuru Hanyu)

15. It Doesn't Take Much, But It Takes All Of Me

In the night after the wedding, Lilis snuck into Yuzuru's room. Even though she was sure the creaking of the doors was loud enough to wake anyone from the deepest slumber, he made no movement to recognize her presence. He didn't acknowledge her when she lifted the sheets off of him, not even when she tucked herself behind him. In spite all of this, by the rhythm of his breathing, she knew that he was never asleep to begin with.

"My grandma would send me to a monastery if she saw this." Lilis whispered against his back, clenching her fingers into tight fists against his shoulder blades. 

His breathing was as calm as his demeanor was that whole day. Yuzuru, as if he had forgotten about himself altogether, was a pillar of support Lilis had never had before in her life. So expressionless was he, that she never asked him how he felt. 

"Did you enjoy yourself at least?" 

"I never see such a wedding before. It's different." He spoke in a small voice, reflecting the dead hours in which the two breathed, awake.

"How can one be so selfish?" She let out mindlessly. "She never cared for me."

"It's her life too." 

"Am I not a part of it?" Lilis held onto his shirt now, twisting it in her fists.

Tiredly, he sighed, remaining in the same position, even though the temperature under the sheets was rapidly rising, threatening to reach uncomfortable heights.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled, letting go of his shirt, and slipping her hands underneath instead, spreading her fingers wide against his broad shoulders.

"You don's have to say sorry to me."

"What should I say to you?"

"Explain everything, always."

"Hmmmm..." she thought about it, starting to place kisses against the fabric of his shirt. "You know why the programs didn't work at the Worlds?"

"Why?" he breathed deeply, lifting the sheets off of them, but letting her hands roam the already sticky skin. 

"You weren't sincere. That wasn't you. I don't know who it was, but it wasn't you. It was as if you were scared to let yourself into it, as if you were afraid to skate it as yourself." She waited a few seconds, before lifting the shirt up and placing a wet kiss on his spine, making him gasp in shock. "Why are you so afraid of the future?" 

Yuzuru promptly turned around, the first thing coming into her sight being his wide eyes, sparkling in the darkness. 

His breaths were short and sliced, as if more air would harm his lungs right now. "I'm afraid of future?" 

"Just live right now, don't worry about the Olympics. That's in three years." she spoke weakly, feeling like she had no right to say those words. He scowled deeply, grabbing her waist firmly. It was her time to catch her breath. 

"Afraid of future?" He searched her face, looking for signs of regret, "You're obsessed with past." 

She barely read those words off of his lips, before the very same forcefully crashed into hers, stealing the little air left in her lungs.

"I'm obsessed with the past?" She gasped as he pulled away only to push himself on top of her.

"Yes, let it go!" 

He tried to place his mouth back on hers, but as she pushed him away he opted for her neck instead, leaving sloppy, wet kisses; sucking and biting all while she wanted not to enjoy it as much as she did. At least she didn't want him to know just how much pleasure he was giving her, but her voice betrayed her, letting out whinny noises, pleading for more, for everything he was willing to give. She struggled, pushing him and pulling him, desperately wanting to argue over what he said. "It wasn't the truth, he was wrong", she wanted to tell him out loud, she had to say it.