Awakening Book 1

Rejection

I pace my room for the hundredth time, sighing, frustrated and mentally working through the war going off inside of me and end up 'arghhhing' out loud in frustration. So over this crap already, and tired of feeling this strung out. I feel like the events of the last few days have changed me in subtle ways and wish I could go back to the before.

Things have not been going well since that day in the pack house that changed literally everything in my life, and I am a prisoner in the orphanage until further notice. Under lock and key metaphorically through pain of death should I disobey.

Colton's father erupted when he realised that being left alone for mere minutes was enough to send his son spiraling into hormonal lust for his new mate, throwing all sense aside and almost marking me. So now we are forbidden from being near one another indefinitely. His father thinks he can control fate by just refusing to let things run their course. Despite everything the shaman warned and tried to preach, Juan is adamant I will be the downfall of the packdom should Colton honour our bond. Nothing like this has ever happened before in the history of imprinting and the shaman warned of terrible foreboding should we anger the fates and deny something as strong as an imprintation. Juan didn't care.

Also my running away plan is pointless, because my soul is now linked to Colton in every way, I am not allowed to leave Radstone to go off on my own for fear I endanger the life of their future alpha. If I die out there in the big bad world, then so does he. I mean the fates did make your mate become inseparable from you for a reason, beyond lust and procreation... the desire to never be parted is as much about survival. The Alpha is meant to protect his femme at all costs, and she is meant to shadow her dominant for life. Always by his side to watch his back and become an invincible unit. They become one. If one falls, they both fall.

So basically after being screamed at by Carmen until my ears bled, bullied into a corner by Juan who threatened to tear me apart and then dragged home to house arrest by some of the Santo pack, I am literally confined to a life inside these walls with no contact from the person fate decided would be the other half to my soul for an eternity. Everything sucks.

Happy 18th birthday, Alora.

It's going swell so far.

We are forbidden from linking or talking or seeing one another and I doubt that will ever change. Bonding is for life and distance won't do very much about it. You cannot sever a bond. You can choose to deny it, ignore it if you can, but Colton has to be the one to reject me or I will be and currently still am, his mate. Juan cannot make that choice for him. He has to say the words to me. I have to hear it.

It's been agony though, and the shaman was correct in that denying the bond only makes it worse. I swear I have been dreaming, obsessing about him since we were pulled apart and I can't sleep or eat for pining for the mate I will never have as long as his father has any say. Even if he made it clear he wants me too.

He's in my head, creating dark unhealable holes in my heart and my entire being feels empty and lost without the other half of me to complete it. His kiss has ruined me in so many ways and I replay those moments until I scream in agony and try to push the taste and feel of him out of me. I never knew this kind of pain could exist and now I curse the fates for doing this to me. Why they would inflict this kind of uncurable disease, is beyond me.

I am desperate to reach out and link to him, for just one second to appease my cravings, but as I have heard nothing from him, I am assuming he too agrees with his father that for the future of the pack that we should have no contact. Dreaming about him, smelling his scent on the wind when it blows from the south is driving me crazy and I have no idea how to cure myself while I don't even know what we are. I'm held captive, still his mate yet denied all that goes with it.