The ALPHA'S little LUNA ✔

Chapter 34 - Losing It

[Kylie's pov]

It's been two almost three weeks and I'm still lying in his bed crying. I can't help it, I have nothing left to live for.

I no longer have tears so I'm just shaking.

And no I'm not dramatic. Have you ever lost someone so special that when the thought of losing them had you in tears? Because now when it actually happens that tears flows ten times faster, your heart shatters into million pieces and there's just nothing you can do.

Have you ever been with someone who made you feel complete, someone you knew would change your life forever? Because I have, he left his mark on me and I do not know where to go, what to do without him.

Has someone ever made your heart beat fast and slow at the same time, and when they smile and it just brings light to your darkness? I have and now without him, my hearts numb, it doesn't beat, there's no purpose for it and without his smile I'm consumed with darkness.

Did you ever just spend so much time with someone and get so use to having them near and in a bliss of happiness all the fucking time?

Because I have and without him? I have no life, there's no where to go from here, I'm sad all the time and my smiles are forced, I'm bitter and closed off, and happiness is just a fairytale now, it doesn't really happen for me.

Have you ever been so completely in love with someone, planned a future with them, got excited thinking about the rest of your life with them?

Because I have and now that his gone, I don't want a future, I don't want a life, I don't want anything without him. There's this hole in my chest where my heart should be and it pains, it physically pains and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

The tears keeps flowing, I cant stop crying, nothing can make me feel better. He is the only one capable of making me feel better when feeling this bad but he's not here so there's no hope. There's no life without him.

Over the past few weeks, everyone came to check up on me, tried to feed me, tried getting me out of this room, out of this bed, maybe try and get me into the shower but to no avail.

I would not budge and not because I'm feeling sorry for myself or because I want them to fuss over me no, I literally just have no energy, I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically exhausted.

I have no appetite, I'm not in the mood for anything. And I did not ignore them purposely I just can't seem to function, I keep zoning out and my mind takes me back to the happy says i shared with my baby and then I start crying not hearing a word they've said.

My parents even came here and tried but I just couldn't move or get my body to do anything, my mother cried begging me to just eat something.

I hate seeing her cry, it pains me to see her break down that way, I tried telling her I'd be okay but I just couldn't form the sentence, tried moving my lips but it just didn't comply.

I would love to say I'm atleast trying but no I cant even seem to try, I feel lifeless, look lifeless, I might as well be dead.

Everytime I get energy to go and try and kill myself, I can just hear him chastising me for even thinking about it and this is why i keep pushing myself to the point that I want to kill myself just to hear his voice.

I sound psychotic.

Just then Maleeyah bursts through my door, she heads straight for me, but I dont move, I don't blink I just look straight ahead.

"I'm getting tired of this Kylie, please just come back to us". She begs,nothing.

"Kylie please, your mother is devastated, your father seems ill, kylie please". She tries again but still, nothing.

"Where's that bubbly, happy carefree girl I met, c'mon please kylie". Still nothing

"Kylie I'm begging you, we need you, the pack needs you, I need you, for God sake Jody needs you Kylie please" nothing.

"God dammit Kylie, Keagan would've never wanted this for you, imagine him seeing you like this, Kylie please" those fast flowing tears come and they don't stop, she hit a nerve.

I know my baby wouldn't want this, he would expect better but I just can not and I'm so sorry I'm disappointing him.

I feel her arms wrap around me, and I hear her quiet sobs and feel her tears as they run down my cheek.

I want to console her and hold her, and make her feel better but my body just doesn't and won't comply. She immediately sits up wipes her tears, does a breathing exercise.

"Right, no more of this you getting your ass washed, you stink" with that said she picks my limp body and carries me to the shower in Keegan's bathroom with her wolfy strength, but I'm probably as light as a feather.

She puts me on the shower floor and undresses me, and then she steps in and turns the shower on, any other day I'd be embarrassed and self conscious about my naked body, today I just do not have the energy to even care.

She washes me and then she takes a bottle of shampoo and washed my hair, no no no no this is his shampoo no, I start violently sobbing again, I'm shaking like crazy and then she realizes and apologizes profusely, it falls on deaf ears because I'm surrounded by his scent but I can't feel him.

I don't feel his warmth, I do not see his beautiful eyes, I do not feel the electric shocks that I'm suppose to when he touches me, God please I can't anymore. I can't, I can't, I can not.

"KYLIE! KYLIE! KYLIE! KYLIE STOP GOD DAMIT, STOP PLEASE STOP, KYLIE! FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP!" I look up at her and she's crying holding my hands, I look down and seen I've scratched my wrists open.

Fuck, I didn't even know I was doing that, just then mama comes rushing in and then she looks at me and rushes into the shower and holds me tightly.

Then she kisses my forehead and walks out, I need to stop this. God what am I doing?

"MAMA" I croak, immediately she rushes back in and looks at me.

"I'm sorry mama" I say softly she just smiles and then walks out.

I look up at Maleeyah she's still just looking at me "I'm sorry leeyah, I didn't even know what I was doing I'm so sorry you had to witness that" she shakes her head and smiles and she comes in to hug me but stops then full on laughs, hysterically

"That would be awkward" she say after she calms down, I smile.

"Let's get you out of here" she sighs.

Still limp she carries me and dresses me, I talked, but that's about it for today, I go to climb back into bed and go back to the daze I was in.

They all understand tho, even mama and papa, losing a mate is like losing your soul.

She sighs before walking out "Well that was an improvement atleast"