Melancholy || Harry Potter's twin brother

3: chapter sixteen

"I'm scared." Sirius admitted, he was leaning against the wall of Lupin's office, he was sat on the floor by the door, having just given Lupin his christmas present. The one Lupin had given him was on his lap, ready to be opened on Christmas day.

"Is there anything in particular that's scaring you?" Lupin asked, sitting in the chair that usually faced his desk.

"Its getting too real." Sirius replied. "Aro is always like do this and do that and I'm tired of it."

"What does he want you to do?" Lupin asked.

"I don't know but I still end up getting hurt." Sirius sighed. "I didn't ask for this Professor. But Ollie says I can't hide or he'll kill and I can't quit because he'll kill me. Is this really all there is destined for me?"

"Ollie?" Lupin asked with a frown.

"Ollie Swan, he's in Ravenclaw, fifth year I think." Sitius explained. Lupin's eyes widened in concern.

"Ah." He sighed and then continued. "Sirius, destiny is what you make of it, just because your situation now is unpleasant, doesn't mean it won't change or get better, and whilst you're here it isn't bad, is it?" Lupin said, Sirius shook his head.

"You're right professor, thank you." Sirius nodded.

"Oh look at the time, you'd better get back to your common room, are you staying for Christmas?" Lupin asked standing up meaningfully.

"No, we're all going to Justin's." Sirius explained.

"That's good, it'll be good for you to get away for a while." Lupin nodded. "Have a good Christmas Sirius and thanks again for my gift."

"Thanks professor, um... have a good Christmas." Sirius nodded and left the room, heading back to his common room, where he had yet to finish packing. 

"Sirius! Where have you been?" Hannah asked as he she followed him up to his dormitory. 

"I was talking to Lupin." Sirius replied, stroking Rowan's head as he passed him. "God I still have to pack. " He sighed. 

"Why haven't you packed yet?" Justin asked, watching Rowan climb into Sirius' trunk in amusement. 

"I started to." Sirius sighed. "Rowan, please be sensible." Rowan yelped like he was laughing and climbed back onto Sirius' bed. "You're more trouble then you're worth sometimes."

"Sirius we leave tomorrow morning, you need to finish packing." Ernie reminded his friend. 

"Right, let's get on with it then." Sirius nodded.

"Let's? This is all on you boy." Hannah teased him, but she helped him anyway, knowing full well he wouldn't do it properly. 

^^^

It took them a good few minutes to find an empty compartment, but at last the whole group were settled, and ready for Christmas.

"Okay, so my mum is letting us take over the living room completely, and she's stocked us up on snacks." Justin told them, letting them know what he'd found out from his mother's letter early that morning.

"Your mum is such a gem." Sirius said with a smile, "Like honestly, I love her."

"I agree, She's a legend just for doing this for us." Hannah nodded. "I can't wait for christmas this year."

"Me too, we should go sledging." Ernie added. 

"I've never been sledging." Sirius told them, they all looked at him.

"Everytime you talk about your childhood, I get more and more concerned." Ollie said, Sirius frowned at him. 

"Why?" 

"You do realise it wasn't normal right?" Hannah asked slowly.

"What do you mean?" They were putting Sirius on edge and he didn't know how he felt about it.

"You grew up in a cupboard Sirius." Justin said. "It's not normal." 

"Oh." Sirius shrugged. "Oh well."

"Oh well?" Jane questioned, she seemed somewhat angry. "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say? There's no point being sad about it, that won't change anything. I've moved on with my life." 

"You still live there." Ernie pointed out softly.

"Figuratively Ern." Sirius replied with a sigh. "Can we change the subject please, you're making me uncomfortable."

"I bet you've also never been carolling before either?" Justin asked, Sirius shook his head. "Well, on Christmas eve, after the christingle service, mum and I always go carolling." 

"That sounds fun!" Hannah said positively, "And we get free food."

"I didn't realise you went to church." Ernie said.

"We don't go often, because my mum sometimes works Sundays." Justin explained.

"We should make smores." Ollie offered up, they all muttered their agreement to this, as there was always time to make smores in the eyes of the group. 

The group fell into quiet chatter, allowing Sirius, with Rowan leaning his head in his lap, to take a quick nap. He hadn't been sleeping well, ever since he had seen that figure in the grounds it had weighed on his mind like a ton of bricks. He couldn't get it out of his head, he felt like he had some kind of connection to them, not that he knew what it was, or even why. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw that mysterious figure with its green eyes, he wasn't even sure if the actual figure he had seen had green eyes, but that's how he saw them, and that's what haunted him.  Even in his dreams it scared him and made him awake with startled eyes. 

He awoke with a slight jump and found both Rowan and Ollie staring at him. Sirius patted Rowan's head and gave Ollie some sort of reassuring smile.

"You okay?" Ollie mouthed at him. Sirius just nodded back in reply, he couldn't be bothered to explain anything at that moment. 

Settling himself into a new position, and leaning his head against the cool glass of the window, Sirius tried again for some sort of dreamless sleep, not that he would succeed, but as tired as he was, it seemed worth a shot.