make me stay.

one

♜

"you should bring this one as well, just in case."

a smile flashed across my mother's face from beneath strands of hair, as she spoke, creating slight dimples and creases that moved her freckles. a look she pulled often, simply to hide her raising heartbeat, i could hear lowly beating in the background of my ears.
she knew i would hear the worry, feel how her nerves were tense, but she still felt the need to hide any sign of it from my eyes.

"come in," i mumbled under my breath, tucking back some hair that had moved in front of my eyes. her steps were light, careful even, as she crossed the floor, making her way up to the zipped bag on my bed. i might not even have noticed her, if she hadn't spoken up, referring to the thick sweater in her hands. hers.

"it's not even halfway up the mountain, mother. the sun will be shinning until sunset," i told her, my eyes focused on the open drawer i had pulled out in front of me.

"how would you know? you've never been," 

"and that's exactly why i'm going," i glanced over my shoulder, watching as she found space for it. a smile was playing on my lips as i rolled my eyes, returning back to picking a pair of boots for tomorrow. we would be on our feet for hours, four in the least, unless we wanted to sleep in the woods overnight. in that case, i probably would need the sweater.

"maire, i won't urge you to stay, but are you really sure this is what you want?" my mother had always had these bright eyes, ones that hadn't once hidden her thoughts. she, herself, would do just about anything to hide any negativity from me by smilling or laughing but her eyes would almost always give her up.

i could clearly see the distress this all brought her, and for a moment, a short one, i almost considered staying. just for her. but those three words brought on a harsh realisation. i had been living my life based on those words for too long. just for her. just for him. up until now, i had always made choices based on how i knew they would affect others. a year ago, if i had been in this exact moment, i wouldn't have left. 

pushing my bag onto the other side of the bed, i sat down next to her, taking a moment to watch her pleading stare. "i'll turn eighteen on friday, mom. that means i have eight more days to live the life i want, before it is all decided for me. and so far, this is the most rebellious thing i've ever done."

a soft giggle escaped her lips, as she nodded. "not everything will be written in stone, maire. in a way, that letter actually makes life easier." bringing an arm around me, she pulled me in closer for a short hug. i let my head rely on her shoulder, as i closed my eyes, trying to believe her.

the letter.

most people would have theirs framed and eventually put up somewhere in their home. it almost seemed as if it was considered proudly to have your future written out on a piece of paper for you.

at the end of every year, a letter would be send out to every person turning eighteen in the next following twelve months. it contained a single piece of paper where a list had been written out, stating every element you could belong to.

water, wood, fire, earth and metal.

on the day of your birthday, a mark would form at the back of your neck, telling you just what element. you would then cross it off on the list, send the letter back, and wait for the letter most would have framed. the letter that had come directly from the king, telling you where you would live for the rest of your life, and who you were.