chapter seven

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C A L E B 

After my shift had ended, I drove back home and decided to study for a little bit - since I had failed to pay attention during the lecture. However, that wasn't going very well either. I was sitting behind my desk, staring at my open textbook. All I saw was a mixture of gibberish. I looked up at my laptop screen which websites based on the lesson I was meant to learn - yet again, I got distracted by some random PlayBuzz quiz about what kind of bread I was. I ended up being a croissant, that's at least a good thing, right? A baguette would have been better but take what you can get. 

Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, reading the notification on the screen. It was a message from Matthew which read: 'Hey :-) Just clarifying, this is the boy from the coffee shop, right?'

Smiling to myself, I typed back a response assuring him that I, indeed, was the coffee boy. Not long after, he sent me another message.

'Haha. Thank God, I thought you gave me the wrong number because I was too forward with my approach. I hope I didn't creep you out. Sorry again about what happened :-( I still feel horrible about it.'

That made my smile grow even wider. His responses were so long and detailed, something you don't see in people often. For example, the letter that my aunt had sent me only read the words 'Drink Water' with a poorly drawn smiley face on the corner of the page. I still appreciated the effort, though.

'Did anything interesting happen to you today?' 

I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking about what I should say. Should I respond with something flirty like 'meeting you :)' or should I respond with something depressing like 'took a coffee shower twice today!'? I later settled with: 'I found out that I'm a croissant.'

We spoke for a while after that and our conversation ended only when he had to go to bed. I closed the open textbooks on my desk, taunting me for being so useless, and shut my laptop as well before setting them aside. Then, I grabbed my bullet journal and turned to an empty page, grabbing a pen from my pen stand so I could write down about everything that had happened that day. 

It was then that I realized how shitty my life truly was. I mentioned not getting any sleep, falling asleep during an important lecture, getting coffee spilled all over my new shirt, being mistreated by a customer and getting coffee thrown on me by him as well, and not even being able to study properly. All of these events made my mind wander to the most negative places and soon, I was thinking about how messed up my life actually was.

Having to cut off all contact with my parents after being ridiculed constantly for my sexuality, being bullied in school for liking boys, being treated like an extra-terrestrial creature every single time I attempted to make conversation with my relatives, being verbally abused for days on end, not even being able to make decent conversation with strangers because of my unreasonable fear of rejection, having such a nuisance for a neighbour. 

And that was when the waterworks started. That was how I ended up with my face in my hands, sobbing like a whale emitting its mating noises at three in the morning. As if on cue, right when I had started my little aqua-show, the boy next door began to blast his playlist once again - just like how he had done the morning before. But, this time, I didn't really mind.

So I cried and cried, hoping that the sound of the music would drown out my sobs. 


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