dolan twins imagines

pinky promise; e.d ⁂

"y/n, c-can you come here?" ethan's voice came from another room.

i placed my book face down on the couch cushion beside me so i wouldn't lose my page, and stood up, " yeah, one sec," i called back, making my way through the living room and down the hall in the direction of his voice.

i pushed his bedroom door open a crack and peeked in to see him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.

"e? everything okay?" i asked softly, knowing he had to be upset.

his head lifted at the sound of my words and my heart sank. he looked exhausted. his droopy eyes connected with mine and he nodded slowly in response. something was definitely off. he didn't have his usual spark that i was used to, and it was kind of alarming.

i took a few short steps and sat beside him on his bed, placing one of my hands over his that were resting in his lap, "are you sure?"

my question was hushed; the last thing i wanted to do was upset him further by a pressing him to talk about it if he wasn't ready.

he stared straight ahead blankly, not saying a word. for a second, i thought he hadn't even registered that i was speaking to him.

then i saw his lip start to quiver. tears welled in his eyes and he looked like he was trying so hard to hold them back. before one could slide down his cheek, he turned quickly and leaned his weight onto mine, resting his head on my shoulder.

his shoulders shook as a sob escaped him, and i just sat there, wrapping my arms around him and holding his body tightly as he cried. my eyes were wide, mostly in shock from the situation.

ethan never cried in front of me. the closest i had ever seen to one of his emotional breaks was the aftermath: him wiping his nose with his sleeve and avoiding my eyes so i couldn't see how bloodshot his were when he walked out of his room.

i drew his body closer to mine and sighed as my heart splintered into tiny pieces. my fingers loosely twirled the curls on the back of his head as he cried, seeing it was the only other thing i could do in effort to comfort him.

after a few heart-wrenching minutes, his breathing relaxed, though it was still uneven. he didn't move from the position he was in, still wanting to be held it seemed. as expected, he lifted his arm to wipe his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"sorry." he whispered, voice too wrecked from crying to be able to speak clearly.

i closed my eyes and exhaled, my hand dropping from his hair to trace gentle circles on his back, "please don't apologize." the fact that he felt bad for breaking down in front of me was the saddest part of it all.

"i just," he paused to collect his thoughts for a moment, trying to make sense of the jumbled mess in his mind, "i don't want you to worry about me."

if anything he was scared to be vulnerable. expressing how he felt was always difficult for him, so he thought it best to just keep his emotions to himself. but things build up, and his initial plan to keep how he felt to himself wasn't quite working out as well as he thought it would. everything seemed to weigh him down, like a rock in the pit of his stomach or fog that clouded his brain, and it never went away.

"ethan," i started, pulling away from him in time to see a lone tear slip down his reddened cheek before he wiped it away quickly with the back of his hand, "i'm going to worry about you no matter what, but that's not a bad thing, you know."

his watery eyes met mine, and i could almost feel my expression soften.

"it's because i care. i want to make sure you're okay always."

those words hit home for him. part of his problem was he always had this indefinite feeling that his issues were far too insignificant for anyone to care. but no problem is bigger than another, he just had a hard time believing that when it came to himself.

his gaze lowered, playing with my fingers in his lap absent mindedly, "i know i don't normally do this, but i dunno...i needed you here," he mumbled, referring to the current situation.

my chest swelled with this warm feeling at his statement, a tiny grin fighting its way onto my face despite the circumstances

"i'm always going to be here, you know that right?"

his mouth displayed a half-hearted smile, "yeah, i know."

then i saw his features melt back into despair so i tilted his chin up to get his attention before he could get lost in his head again, "hey, what's on your mind, though?"

he shrugged his shoulders and his tongue darted out of his mouth to swipe over his chapped lips, "i don't really know, actually. i just needed to let it out i guess. that doesn't make any sense but--"

"it makes sense," i assured him, "but you can't keep holding things in like you do, e. it's not healthy."

he sighed, "it's easier that way."

"is it really?"

his eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it, "well, no. not really."

i leaned forward and pressed my lips to his for a short moment and then pulled back, "promise me you'll talk to me when you're upset more often?" i wondered with hopefullness, raising my pinky out in front of him. his eyes brightened at the gesture and he nodded.

he curled his own pinky around mine and tugged a bit, "i promise."

-

to anyone reading this,

shit gets hard sometimes, it really does. i know that when something is weighing you down, its such a draining feeling. even though i am a complete stranger to most of you, i can assure you that you are never alone. believe it or not, i'm here for you. sometimes even the smallest bit of support can make such a big difference, so i intend on being your tiny bit of support. my dms are a click away, and i would be more than happy to talk to any of you about anything you're struggling with at the moment. i have been through some pretty dark things myself, so if i can get through it, i strongly believe you can too. i love you, things are going to be okay i promise.

pinky promise.