Heartless

Thirty-One

Ice. It was the only word I could think of to describe dying.

When I was young, I was always afraid of what it would be like in those moments when your life slipped away. Mama's death was still embedded in my brain as one of the most traumatic experiences of my already horrific childhood. Blood speckled her mouth when she breathed, stained her clothes and anything we used to help ease her pain. Sweat drenched the sheets. But what I remembered the most was the soft smile on her face when she started to fade. It wasn't out of spite or there to reassure us it would be okay, even though she repeated it by the seconds— no, her smile was peaceful. She was finally being set free from her pain, released from the blood rose. All I could ask was to feel the same.

Instead, I was doused in agony. I was being ripped in two: on one side was Mama, smiling and welcoming me with open arms; on the other was everything that made me want to live. Hendric, Kenji, Beast— they were all begging me not to leave. I was faced with a choice to stay or let go, and my entire body urged me to accept the latter. With a final kiss goodbye, the lights went out.

❆

I woke to the soft crackling of a fire. Heat pressed at my skin, sweat beading down my frozen body. My eyes throbbed when I moved them. A thick layer of crust kept them sealed shut, but I didn't need my sight to know where I was. I knew this room like the back of my hand— it was mine, after all.

My hands were laid at my sides, my head slightly elevated on the softest pillows I'd ever felt. Blankets imprisoned me in a cocoon of warmth. I didn't want it to end. Something twitched in my hands— fingers, I realized, and they weren't mine. Slowly, I curled my hands around them.

Someone gasped. "Ada?" I knew that voice. My throat tightened at the sound of the rough timbre.

"He... Hendric." My voice sounded strange on my ears, strained and coarse.

I heard several sighs. "Oh, thank the gods." His lips pressed into my knuckles, the feeling sending a sliver of warmth to my chest. "We thought we'd lost you."

I tried a smile. "Never." Cool glass gently pressed to my lips and I parted my parched mouth to accept the water that cascaded down the dry desert of my throat. My tongue felt like it had been replaced with small pebbles as it searched to catch every drop. The water gave my sluggish body enough energy to finally peel my eyes open. I stared down at Kenji, who smiled up at me with enough tears in his eyes to drown himself. I squeezed his hand, ignoring the small flare of tender aches that spurred in my stomach. My gaze drifted around the room in search of someone else, but instead I froze on someone I never would have expected to see here.

Bromm sat in the large lounge near the hearth, his round gut billowing over his belt. He looked peaceful, his skin no longer pale and clammy as it had been that day in the bar. And I understood why. Stretched across the divan in a bright yellow dress, Sazi's eyes fluttered tiredly. They suddenly widened as they locked with mine. "Adaira..." Her voice was small and haunting as if she were a ghost, and though she hardly looked like one anymore, something about her newly redeemed strength still haunted me. She slapped a hand into Bromm's gut. He shot upright in a flurry of flailing hands, a loud snort choking him as he sat up. "What..." he began, following her gaze to me. His face sobered instantly.

The last time I had seen him he had nearly bashed my head in with a liquor bottle. None of that mattered now as he got to his feet and approached my bed, gripping onto one of the posts. "What are you doing here?" I asked them, flinching at how weak I sounded.

Hendric scooted closer to me. He flashed one of his brilliant smiles at me. It had been so long since I'd seen him so fully alive that it didn't dawn on me the reason for his new energy until he spoke. "We were forced to stay in Kinnot by the blizzard and took shelter in the bar when Sazi woke up." I glanced at Kenji, who lifted the duvet of my bed and curled into my side. I willed the pain to go away and held him to me. "The blood rose is over, Ada. We're free."