All For You [New Girl]

2. Halloween

There were few things in life that Claire hated with reckless abandon.

One was her job. She'd had just come how from a long day of mind-numbing tasks. Reformatting spreadsheets. Making coffee. Helping Angela figure out how to put toner into the printer for the third time that week. Every day, she spent her time planning how she'd march into her boss's office and dramatically resign, like a woman in a Lifetime movie. But she still had an apartment to pay for, as well as food and so forth. So she stayed. Even though she knew she could do better, knew she deserved better, she stayed.

Another thing Claire hated with the fullest effort of her heart was the elevator in her apartment.

To be fair, she only hated it because it hated her. The elevator started it. Every time she stepped on it made a slight but unending death rattle. She always felt like was on a rollercoaster, slowly climbing a large crest waiting to be dropped full force toward the earth. She could imagine the cartoonish whistling as she fell. Falling, falling, falling. Splat. They'd have to scrape her off the bottom of the elevator and send her back to her parents like that rolled ice cream everyone in L.A. touted on their Instagram.

She was so focused on using the power of her mind to keep herself alive in the elevator ride up that it took her a couple of seconds to process what was happening as the doors opened. Like curtains sliding to reveal the first act. And what an opening scene it was.

Nick was battling off Schmidt with one hand. The other hand was raised high in the air, holding a jewel-encrusted egg just out of reach.

"You can have it back as soon as you say it," Nick grunted, shoving his palm in Schmidt's face. Schmidt was wearing a bowler hat and running shorts. No shirt.

"Nicolas, you know I can't do that."

"Just say it and you can get your 'Favabray' egg."

"It's Fabergé!"

Winston was just standing there. He was wearing a dress. It was cotton candy pink.

"Hey, guys," Claire said. She stepped into the hall. She hasn't seen any of them since the day she moved in a week ago.

"Claire!" Schmidt immediately stopped fighting and smirked in her direction. Claire could actually see him start to flex his abs. Beside him, Nick looked on with disgust.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing much. You know, just hanging out," Schmidt said. His voice almost could have been suave if Claire hadn't just seen him fight another grown man over an egg. He leaned against the wall behind time and crossed his arms like a cheap gangster.

"Is this what it usually looks like when you hang out?" Winston has apparently just remembered that he was wearing a dress because he looked down at it and then back up at her.

"Oh no, well you see," he began, "It's just- This is just- This thing is- It's not actually that strange because-"

Nick cut him off.

"I told Schmidt he's only getting his fancy egg back if he wears a costume with a shirt. Winston lost a bet."

"I see."

"We're having a Halloween party," Schmidt said, "You should stop by." He did something with his eyebrows that was probably supposed to be attractive but made Claire feel deeply disturbed.

"I'm having a Halloween party," Nick corrected, "And you're going to wear a shirt, or else I'm going to throw this thing off the roof." He held the egg up menacingly.

"Nick, you're being ridiculous. It's a priceless collector's item."

"You bought it at an airport. What's it cost, like two bucks?"