Chapter 9

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Marinette's POV

I plopped on my bed and sighed. It was currently 2 PM and I was bored. Dad was working. Tim, Damian, Steph and Cass were still at school and Barbara was out on a shopping spree. I was working on an akuma when she left so I couldn't go. 

Jon was also at school so, I couldn't text him. I didn't feel like baking or sewing. I needed something to do. I guess I could write some songs. They help me sort out my feeling. Last night, I had a dream and it was about Jon. It was about me and him. 

I knew I liked him but I still don't know if I'm in love. If I am, then I'm fucked. I fell in love with Adrien which turned out terrible because he cheated on me with Lila and had no sense of loyalty whatsoever. I knew he was Chat Noir before we started dating and that was before he started not showing to the akumas. 

He flirted with me as Ladybug and would ask me out on dates and completely ignore the fact that he had a girlfriend! It was so annoying. It made me feel trapped a little bit. We started getting in fights and our relationship was just toxic. 

I was too in love with him to realize it at first but, I realized it when he cheated. When I broke up with him, it was like I could breathe again. It nice but it still hurt. I was hurt because I really did love him but, he just took advantage of me. 

I started noticing that he started getting not as nice to me and stopped calling me the nicknames. Just by my real name. I just brushed it off but then he started getting more aggressive with me and would hit me sometimes. 

I would try to break up with him or talk to him about it but, he would just hit me and yell and I would get scared. I knew I was trained to be an assassin but, he still had Plagg with him. He could have really hurt me. 

I would write songs to help me find some sort of fresh air in our toxic relationship. I cried a lot when we broke up but, I knew it was for the best and I had my friends to help me with it. I talked to my Damian plushie about it and that would be the thing that gave me the most comfort. 

I would wear my charm he gave me everywhere on my wrist rather than in my pocket like normal, to bring myself comfort and I would try and imagine his voice in my head to calm me down. He was always my main source of comfort even though I thought he was dead. 

When, I didn't calm down enough I would think about Mother. When we were alone and one of us were feeling down, she would comfort us or if we were around other people she would squeeze our shoulder or hand. I would imagine her voice in my head. 

Her voice was always, soft and comforting. It was nice. I naturally had anxiety issues and had a lower self-esteem no matter how many times Damian or Mother would praise me and she always knew when it got the best of me. 

Jon kinda reminds me of her in a way. He didn't have any of the feature she did but his voice was always very gentle like hers when she would talk to me when we were alone. He doesn't seem like the person who would intentionally hurt someone he is close too. 

He had lovely blue eyes and was incredibly attractive but his personality was more attractive. He was so gentle and kind. He was never forceful and never went in your personal space. I think I do love him. Maybe. 

I shake my head out of my thoughts and I start writing. It sounded pretty good and I added an extra part that I really didn't need to put in but, I am weird when I write my songs sometimes. I scroll through the beats I had that Luka made for me. He makes a variety based on what I tell him about the theme of my new album. 

He was a good friend but, I view him more like a brother. Just nobody will replace Damian, when I'm asked who is my favorite brother. He knows everything about me and knows when I am hiding something. He knows when I want to talk about certain things too. 

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