Hurt By You ✔️

Five

"i like myself better when i don't pay attention to anyone else."
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"So, Alexis how was your first week of school?" Isabelle asked as she served us our food on our plates.

"It was normal." I shrugged.

Isabelle sat down in her seat at the table which was in front of me.

I didn't really know how to answer her question.

School was as normal as it could be. Nothing interesting happened during my first week of school. I did end up finding someone to talk to though which I am grateful for because I was never the best at making a lot of friends.

"Has Wes been nice to you and showed you around the school at all?" Isabelle asked while also side-eyeing Wes.

Wes and I don't really talk at school. Hell, we barely even look at one another. Wes does his own thing and I do my own thing. The only time he talks to me is before school and then he goes to his group of friends. But I don't expect him to talk to me. We aren't close.

"Wes helps me when I need it," I said before looking at Wes who was just devouring his food.

"Have you made any new friends?"

"Yes. I made two. Their names are Willow and Ben."

"You know Ben?" Wes stopped eating and looked at me.

"Uh yeah, I met him on Tuesday," I stated. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Just didn't think you would become friends with him."

"Wes be nice." Isabelle scolded.

"I didn't say anything though." He scoffed at Isabelle.

Isabelle shook her head lightly. "How are you liking Crean though? Are the kids nice?"

I haven't really talked to a lot of people. I really have only conversed with Willow and Ben. There have been some people I had side conversations with within-class but that was just questions about what to do on the assignments. In class, I usually keep to myself and sometimes read or doodle in my notebook.

"Crean is okay. It's a nice school." I stated.

"Well, I am glad you are liking it. Are you thinking about joining any clubs?"

I don't really want to join clubs. There is nothing that really interests me at the school, and I am not really the type to join clubs. But I am looking to find a job.

I want something that will keep me busy and if I make money, I can pay for my own stuff instead of having Isabelle do it.

"No, but I was actually wondering if you know any place, I could find a job at."

I see a smile lift on Isabelle's face. "You're in luck because I have a friend who owns a daycare a few miles away. She is such a sweet woman. I can get you an interview if you'd like?"

Working at a daycare?

There doesn't seem to be an issue with that. I don't have a problem with kids.

"That sounds great Isabelle. Thank you."

"Of course. I will give her a call after dinner and see if I could get you an interview. The kids there are amazing. I sometimes go over to help out after work."

For the rest of dinner, we ate while also talking about other things. Wes just ate in silence while Isabelle did most of the talking and I listened and gave little input on what she was talking about.

While talking to her I noticed how well put together she was. Two years ago, she was the complete opposite. Her husband Johnathon had to take time off work and watch her to make sure she was taking care of herself. I remember how broken she was during that time when the accident happened.

After helping Isabelle clean the table and wash the dishes, I went upstairs to my room so that I could take a shower. Wes said that he was going out with some friends and that he would be home later.

Isabelle offered me to go but I declined. I didn't think Wes would want to take me anywhere and I also didn't feel like going either. I would rather take a shower and relax.

I strip off my clothes and turn on the shower. Once it was hot enough, I go inside the shower, under the water, and close my eyes.

The only time I show how I truly feel is when I am in the shower, all alone. No one can see me so that's where I let my guard down every once in a while.

I don't cry a lot. Almost all of my tears have run out in the first few months after the crash. I was alone so all I could do during that time was think and for me thinking is the worst thing I could do.

When I think I just replay that night of the crash where one car crashed into ours.

Worst night of my life.

I remember being mute for some time. I wouldn't talk to anyone. And living with my grandmother didn't help because she was always so cold towards me. She would even sometimes blame me for the crash happening.

For a while, I did blame myself because she made me think that it was actually my fault. Sometimes I have this little voice in the back of my head that's saying I am.

My grandmother was never nice to me. She would always slap me when I didn't do things right. That's why Isabelle thought it would be better if I just live with her and Wes because they have enough room in her house and also were lonely because Johnathon was overseas.

Once I was done in the shower I step out and grab my towel for me to wrap it around my body. I look in the mirror and see my brown hair dark because of the shower I just had.

I look away from myself in the mirror and walk inside my room.

I don't like looking at myself in the mirror. I always feel insecure of myself when I do. I have always struggled with loving my appearance and just self-love in general. When my mom was around it was easier because she would always remind me of how beautiful I was and the same with my older brother Jack and my father.

They knew I never liked how I look and with them gone it's hard to see what they saw.