It's okay to not be okay

xxxxxxiv. sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes when you just feel alone

There seems to be only one choice

It seems the only way out

Is trying to take your own life

Not many people may know

How painful it is to have these thoughts running around in your head

Thanks to the demons who live under my bed

"You know I love you right?"

That's what they said

The day I let my guard down

When I told someone how I felt

It's not that I didn't know

It's that it didn't seem real

Having to make my own meals from an early age

Just because of my sensory issues

The anxiety I got from losing things

It would get to the point where I couldn't breathe

Instead of helping me through that pain

All I got was

"I'm never helping you again"

"It's gone forever, never to be seen"

Being sent to my room for punishment

Then hours later it's never talked about again

From the early age of eleven I was sadly depressed

The first family member I lost

Was at the early age of eight

Now all I feel is the guilt

From not seeing my granny

Before that fateful week

In early November

When I saw her take her last ever breath

At 2:30 in the morning

So many all nighters

Just so she wouldn't leave me

Before I got to say my final goodbye

In the span of one year

I had a grand mal seizure

Watched my family break apart forever

Get diagnosed with adhd and anxiety

Not able to go outside to help clear my mind

Of all these negative thoughts

Complements of the demons in the mess I call my head

I don't remember my childhood

Due to the trauma I endured

I have been able to forgive

But I will never forget

I just want this feeling to go away

I want to feel loved for once

And not think that it's fake but real

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no author's note, all I have to say is have a great day:)

~xxhollyandmax<3