Seven Minutes From Heaven [bxb]

Chapter 34 - The greater sin

A/N: I'm so painfully unsure about this chapter. I had it all in my head because I've been waiting for this entire book to write it but translating it into words is HARD. SO SO HARD. So if it's shite or poorly written then i'm sorry. 

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The world couldn't stand to be in silence when it's all I needed for just... five minutes. Five minutes to slow down my thoughts because I knew they would never be silent. No matter how busy I was, no matter how indestructible the walls that Liam built around me were, I couldn't drown out the world around me and it wouldn't stand still for even a moment.

Mum passed away, and nothing changed. My entire world felt like it came apart in the space of a moment, but the rest of world went on like nothing had happened. Members of the church tried to send their condolences but I didn't want to hear about it. My heart felt like it was going to implode and seep into my lungs. Every breath felt painful and forced, while the sound of its beating drummed in my ears.

Liam walked beside me, matching my pace the entire slow and arduous journey to mum's place. He lightened up the mood with casual conversation, and I did my best to respond no matter how much I felt suffocated. Even on my way to fall through maybe the deepest pits of despair, Liam helped to lift my spirits and keep my mind somewhat occupied.

"And what about your next game?" I asked. "It was my fault you missed it. They're gonna let you play in the next one, right? You won't miss out on nationals, right?"

Liam tightened his arm around my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile. "It's not your fault, you idiot. Of course they'll let me play. And you'll be there, won't you?"

"Just try keeping me away from it a second time," I said. "God'll have to take away my dad this time for that to happen."

Releasing my shoulders, Liam sprung around and stared at me in shock. "Too crude?" I asked, looking sheepishly up at him. "Better not tempt him."

I watched his face carefully and nervously, gaging his reaction, but sighed with relief when he burst into laughter.

"So you were secretly a dark humour kinda guy," he said in fits of laughter, pretending to wipe tears beneath his eye. "We won't tempt the big guy, I swear. You'll be at my game for sure."

Accepting his reassurance with a nod, I lifted his arm and put it back around my shoulder. Liam snorted and pulled me against him, giving me a tight squeeze. "You've come a long way already," he said. "We can't call you Jude the prude anymore."

"You were calling me that?" I asked with surprise.

"Not to your face," he said casually and looked ahead with a nonchalant expression. It's not like I could get offended when it was nothing but the truth, so I sighed and made a mental note to keep being less of a prudish bible thumping jerk.

Mum's house came into view and the walk suddenly grew more tense with every passing step. Liam seemed to notice my hesitation and went quiet with me, like he was allowing to process my feelings. I didn't want to do this. Getting by these last few weeks was only made possible thanks to his distractions and going along with my every whim, but if he respected my space and went quiet like this, then I was only going to be forced to face everything.

I suddenly doubted that I was ready and regretted this decision. It's not until Liam let go of me and stepped in front of me, clasping his hands on both my shoulders that I realised I'd stopped rigid in my tracks. My feet didn't want to move. I looked at Liam's green eyes staring seriously at mine, then looked past him to mum's house just short into the distance.

The place I once knew as home was in plain sight, looking just as it did the day Josh chased me out several weeks ago. It didn't look like my memories or the feelings I got by being back here. It still looked like the picture-perfect family home mum and dad turned it into during their early married years. The grass grew a little long, but that's to be expected when a house stopped being a home.