Since You've Been Gone. (boyxboy)

Chapter 23: Love me and leave me

"Jas, I can never be your friend."

☆

"Mmph" Thomas vocalises through tight lips as Jasper, who was now sheathed and making do with 'nature's lube' as he called it, is pushing slowly in. He grabs on tightly to the edge of the wash basin, having moved from the bathroom door, in order for him to bend over a little. "Take it easy would you?" He huffs as he feels Jasper's hands grasp a little tighter onto his hips, causing Thomas to be pulled back.

"What is this? Can't take it all?" Jasper jests as he purposely thrusts, just enough to tease. His penis edges in, just a little more. "Have I grown?"

"Ah... you wish." Thomas bites back. He reaches back his hand, feeling for Jasper's backside, only just visible from his slightly lowered jeans and boxers. He grabs a hold of his left butt cheek and pulls Jasper's body towards him . "I want you and you know it."

Jasper grins as he edges in his penis just a little more. Thomas' hands now make their way back to the sink. He leans forward, grabbing both taps with each hand, feeling every moment of the process, every fraction of a push as Jasper buries deeper inside. His eyes close in order to focus.

Thomas had thought about this moment in time since they had departed all those years ago. The moment, a fantasy he would never actually realise, but it remained in his mind all the same. He hadn't cared about who was in control, he just wanted to connect, the closeness.

The image in his mind painted a picture of waterfalls, a riverside and nature all around him and Jasper. The birds were singing, the weather warm as together, naked, they lay as one on the leaf covered ground, or maybe against a warm rock, smoothed down by the running water. They would be happy, together, they were complete in their quest for mutual ecstacy.

"Mmmh" Thomas lets out a hum of bliss as his eyes again open to see the reality of it all, seeing the cramped bathroom space. Remembering that Jasper, although right behind him, wasn't his. He was taken. What they were doing would only lead to pain and misery and what the hell was he thinking. Thomas feels an arm hook around his waist as Jasper pulls him up to hold him close against his chest. Again, that moment of morality is replaced with the urge for his desire to be quenched, as somewhere along the way, Jasper had discarded his black t-shirt and Thomas was faced with a view of an inked up chest in the mirror, which was hanging over the sink. "Fuck Jas. You're an etch a sketch!"

Jasper pushes forwards one last time as he finally bottoms out. "I knew you'd like it." He grins as they lock eyes in the mirror's reflection. He points to a small gap on his left pectoral, near the centre of his chest. "You see no tattoo here?" Thomas nods as he looks at the small untouched patch of skin. "I was saving that space for your name. Did you know that?"

Thomas suddenly felt weak at the omission leaving Jasper's lips. "Don't say that Jas. I don't deserve it."

"Don't tell me what you don't deserve." Jasper utters as their eyes continue to stay focused on eachother. "We could have had a happy ending if you had wanted it." He begins to thrust forwards into Thomas. Slow at first, then faster. He feels his emotions cloud and mingle in his mind with each motion as the bittersweet desire met with frustration, then anger, followed by regret, then sorrow. He knew all too well what he was. A liar, a cheat, not just to those around him but to himself as well.

Thomas leans forwards again. The vision of Jasper is too much to witness. Too much of a reminder of what he had become. A homewrecker. He glances down at his own erection as it stood proud and untouched. He wished he wasn't aroused by it all. He wanted to feel nothing, to not enjoy every slam against his body, but his body spoke the truth. He loved it.

"Ah.. Jesus!' Jasper looks up to the ceiling as he feels his orgasm approach. He continues to slam into Thomas with speed as Thomas reaches out and grabs at his own arousal. He jerks himself off with a similar need as he senses Jasper's climax behind him. "Cumming.... I'm Cumming." Jasper mumbles as he speeds up before slowing a little.

Thomas directs his penis into the sink as he groans out his climax, watching the white streaks decorate the basin. He lets go of his softening erection and raises his weight on his straightened arms either side of the sink.

The sound is filled with both of them catching their breath. Thomas finally clears his throat as he feels Jasper pull out and dispose of the condom in the small pedal bin. He turns to face him. "We shouldn't have done this."

"I know." Jasper chuckles, though he knew it wasn't all that amusing. It was only to mask the gravitas of the situation.

"No...I mean. I know we shouldn't have done what we have just done, but..." Thomas takes a hand to Jasper's head and pushes the black hair a little behind his ear. "We have to end this. we have to say goodbye."

"What? What do you mean?" Jasper says a little panicked. "Don't you want my help with the house anymore?"

"Don't you get it? All roads lead to this. Everything we do together will lead to this. To stand a chance with Beth, you can't have me around." Thomas drops his hand looking down. "I should have stayed in Mexico. You were doing better without me."

"But Tom, you're still my friend." Jasper says, now feeling a new heartbreak he wasn't expecting.

"Jas I can never be your friend. Can't you see, I don't want you as just a friend." Thomas says, his voice sounding pained as he does his best to get Jasper to understand.

"So you're doing this to me again? Loving me and leaving me?" Jasper says coldly. "Well in that case, maybe you should go."

"It's for the best." Thomas looks down almost ashamed as he grabs his clothes and hurriedly puts them on. He couldn't bear to look at him. "You have a new life. You don't need me in it, complicating things..."

"Just leave." Jasper answers coldly as he opens the bathroom door, cutting Thomas from saying any more. He knew that every word the other male had said was true. They could never be friends, yet they could never be lovers either.

Thomas leaves in silence as the apartment door can be heard closing, leaving Jasper alone with the words he had just heard. This was for the best. But best for who?