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RHEA HAD AWOKEN LATE INTO THE MORNING. Her skin had regained its natural flush and her core had settled at its regulated temperature. It was a miracle. Octavia and Consus couldn't be pulled away from the woman's side.
"Are you sure you don't need anything? You're not hungry?" Octavia asks her mother. Rhea tries not to roll her eyes in slight aggravation.
"I just want to rest, Octavia." Her motherly voice calms Octavia's nerves. The girl was afraid to leave her again. Consus asks Rhea repeatedly what she needs, causing the woman to grow more annoyed by the second. Losing Augustus was the hardest thing that the Cirillo's ever went through, losing Rhea would crush every last bit of happiness they had left. Octavia's guilt begins to resurface in her mind. With the memory of her brother's death, and now her mothers near death, Octavia can't figure out why she is the one who gets to live. When she thinks of herself, the girl sees nothing remarkable. Nothing special, memorable, or even decent. Octavia truly believes that she deserves nothing.
She wonders what the people in Eleven think of her. When they see her on the street, do they feel pride in their Victor? Do they wish she was home more? Do they wish she'd died? Do they wish Augustus had been selfish for once in his life? Octavia did. She so badly wished that her dear brother could have put aside his love for his sister and chosen himself. Perhaps then, he would have been home to help his parents work. He would have been a pleasure to President Snow. He would have been the perfect Victor.
Unfortunately for Octavia, she was the one who lived. She was the Victor. The burn of guilt surges through her body and all she can think is, why? Even if she did before, Octavia no longer believes in any god. Surely if there was one, they'd have been good enough to have killed her in that arena instead of making her suffer everyday.
"Octavia," Consus says, His voice snaps her away from her thoughts. She turns her head to face her father, embarrassed that he'd noticed her zoning out.
"Yeah?" She asks, eyes darting between his.
"You don't have to stay," he states. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" She questions him, lightly shaking her head back and forth.
"I know that it hurts you to be here," He says. Octavia doesn't respond to him for a moment, looking away from her father's knowing stare.
"There's nowhere else that I could go," She says. "I can't run away from it. Everywhere I go, it follows."
