Like I said... getting back together was my worst mistake, I was back in the relationship where i felt comfortable being myself in. Little did I know, getting back with him would have to be a secret from others. I was happy or so I thought. Most times I believe I forced myself to be happy due to the choice of being back was all mine. I should be dancing from joy but all I felt was dread. I found out he was already talking to multiple girls after we broke up. Not only did I mean so little to him that he would find other girls attention more important than mine, but our relationship had to be hidden until we could move in together. HE kept me a secret for half a year without caring to ask how it made me feel. I tried to be okay with the idea of never being "official" with him until further notice. "It's just temporary, he will come to realize its ridiculous to keep our relationship hidden because he fears all the backlash." He later on proposed to me, telling me that if we were to either have a baby or get married, no one would be able to prevent him from being with me... the "no one" being his family. I was shocked by the sudden suggestions, I was not ready for a child so marriage would have to be. I was so naive, my teenage brain not fully processing what the consequences would be. Many times did I feel like things were not right between us, I deserved better, I knew that I was worthy of being loved without having to be a secret. At times I would suggest ending things, he then mentioned he wanted us to have a family together. He was ready to be dad, but me? I was not ready to have children! I still had so much I really wanted to do. Regardless of knowing what my best choice would be, I agreed. "lets try for a baby then." Trying for a baby was not as easy as I thought, specially with the constant reminder that to his family's knowledge, I was no longer dating their loved one. I had many scares thinking that I had ended up pregnant. Every late period I would be frantic, telling him I was not ready for a baby. That did not stop him. I believed due to his constant failed attempts to impregnate me that I was infertile. He finally decided to stop trying, but I still had the constant nagging question of "why am I a secret?"
YOU ARE READING
The Boy That Broke Me
RandomA short story that describes my struggles throughout the years 2017-2021. Dealing with heart break, trauma, and acceptance of the fact that I was in an abusive relationship. I will also go into details about the hardships of being a single mom.
