Coping Anthropoid

Me.

I was well-liked by my classmates and teachers since I was young until 11th Grade. Until today I still question myself if I am the problem.

I stopped being the extrovert I was and preferred solitude. Even from my parents and siblings, I usually ignored them and spoke only if I wanted to or just felt like it.

Since 7th Grade, I noticed that I started looking at the same gender. Like all children, curiosity kills the cat, so I joined an LGBTQ+ community and took online sexuality quizzes. Turns out I am bisexual; oh, there's more just read on.

I hid my sexual orientation from my friends and family. It took me 2-3 years to open up to some of my closest real-life friends and tell them I was gay. They accepted me and that made me overjoyed. But once I step back into my house, it feels like I'm being placed back in the closet after laundry. It was a repeated cycle and honestly, I'm tired of hiding (find out in chapter "Parents").

At 15 years old, something felt off about my gender. Again, google and quizzes but it was still different this time. I was doubting it continuously until I was 16. I am bigenderfluid. I thought there was no way a person could be genderfluid and bigender at the same time and surprisingly one can be both. When I was still a kid, I never liked playing with toys my same-sex liked so thinking back, I took a hint. Aging, I realized I enjoyed doing what the other gender did so I followed. But... up until now, I'm still ashamed of the gender I was born with and kept it a secret from the public and online friends. There are times I would say I'm the opposite gender because I was leaner to that but if I had a choice, bigenderfluid. That's right fuck you, to some of the games and polls/questions on sites.

Back to my sexual identity, I tried dating, both same-sex and the opposite-gender and it came to my attention that I am aromantic. I didn't feel any sparks or perhaps I had not met the right person... Or I probably just liked and envied their faces and figures.