Coping Anthropoid

Its Friends.

What can I say? It's been more than 6 years. My mental health is slowly eating me up inside.

I remembered the day so vividly. It was April 9th, 2024, and I knew my time was running short and I was losing the battle. I prepared everything I needed for April 10th, 2024. I wanted to end it all, this life completely. Lost in my thoughts, the feeling of wanting to commit to my plan since I was 12 years old was overwhelmingly strong.

But eventually, I survived it.

Age 16, I noticed I was not only going against depression & anxiety. I had borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, impulse control disorder, depersonalisation-derealisation disorder, bulimia and anorexia.

Short explanation
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):
- Affects how people feel about themselves and others. Its patterns includes and leads to unstable relationships and how oneself sees themselves in an unhealthy way.

Bipolar Disorder:
- Causes unusual shifts in mood swings, energy, activity levels and concentration.

Impulse Control Disorder (ICD):
- Behavioural condition that makes it difficult to control one's actions or reactions and may cause harm to oneself and/or others.

Depersonalisation-Derealisation Disorder (DDD):
- Occurs when one always/often feels that they are seeing themselves from outside their body or sense that things around them are not real - or both.

Bulimia Nervosa:
- An eating disorder that causes one to binge eat and follow by purging.

Anorexia Nervosa:
- An eating disorder that causes severe and strong fear of gaining weight.

My explanation may not be accurate but you can search online to understand better.

Back to my story, I knew my conditions can be used as an excuse for the way I treated people but I am trying.

3 years ago, my eating disorders was the worst period I've gone through. I went from skipping meals for a day to maximum of 3 days and filling myself up with water only to binge eating then wanting to puke. It went on back and forth that I could tell my stomach acid was slowly eating up my insides and leading me to have low blood pressure, constant gastric and low iron deficiency. There are numerous times when I would always felt like fainting and vomiting and I know that it will lead to hospitalisation if I keep this up. Till this day, nothing's changed but my eating did improve!