Half-Blood Curse

18 - Tracking Oskar

Lucas woke up before Gabriel did. They were curled up together in his big bed, snuggled under the blankets. Gabriel had carried Lucas to the bed a few hours ago, as promised, and they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms.

But Lucas had a nightmare about the forest, and the dark, and he didn't sleep long.

He stayed still and listened to Gabriel breathe. He felt so content to just be with his mate. Lucas could listen to Gabriel breathe for hours and not get tired of it.

What am I going to tell him? Lucas wondered. What in the world am I going to tell him?

He envisioned telling Gabriel his secret. In the best-case scenario, Gabriel decided to keep him anyway. But what then? The war was still coming, and Lucas's secret was only getting harder and harder to keep. He didn't want to cut off his wizard half forever. He wanted to be himself. But could the entire pack be trusted to accept Lucas? To keep his secret from the world? And in such a public position as Gabriel's consort, surely his secret would get out sooner rather than later, if he was trying to be himself. How could he be a shifter and a blood mage?

Karlisle popped into his head, and Lucas shuddered. The bear shifter would eviscerate him for being an abomination, Lucas knew it in his bones. And from what Lucas had seen of the other shifters, Karlisle wouldn't be the only one who wanted Lucas gone, dead or alive.

And so Lucas's best-case scenario unfolded in his imagination. Gabriel would accept him and love him anyway, but it would be up to Lucas to choose how many people knew. He would either sever half of who he was forever and be only a shifter for the rest of his life, or sentence Gabriel to being mated to a freak of nature. Would Gabriel be able to keep his position in the pack? Would Gabriel turn his back on the pack for their animosity and try to live with Lucas alone? Wouldn't that just make them vulnerable to anyone who wanted to do them harm?

Oh, and by the way, Lucas imagined himself saying to Gabriel, even my shifter side isn't normal. Instead of an animal half that is just another part of me, I have an UNHOLY NIGHTMARE beast that fights me for control and - I think - hates me. Yeah, that would go over well. As if he wasn't enough of a freak.

The worst-case scenario was that Gabriel would reject him. Gabriel could decide that he hated what Lucas was, and wanted no part of him. Given the mate bond, it would be unbearably painful if that happened. Not only that, but if Gabriel was disgusted, he might turn Lucas away; send him to the SIA, or to wizards. Maybe he'd be glad to get Lucas off his hands.

Actually, Lucas kept thinking, the worst-case scenario would be Gabriel accepting him, and then dying trying to shield Lucas from the oncoming war.

A hundred thousand bad outcomes ran through his head like a movie he couldn't look away from.

I need to calm down. I need to be more rational. I need to- Lucas stiffened, surprised. Joseph needs me. He could feel it. Joseph, his blood link pack member, was somehow signaling Lucas. It didn't feel urgent, but it was insistent. Then, it was gone. Not like Joseph didn't need him anymore, but more like the tiger was attempting to be polite and let Lucas have some time to come downstairs.

Gabriel was a light sleeper, and Lucas's flinch of surprise was all that it took for him to wake up. His comforting, heavy arm tightened briefly, and Lucas felt that hug all the way to his toes.

"What time is it?" Gabriel asked sleepily.

"Like three in the morning," Lucas said. He'd been staring at the clock long enough to know.

"Why are you awake?"

"I think... Joseph is trying to call me?"

"Hmph," Gabriel grunted, annoyed, but not surprised. "Right now?"