Queen of Nothing

5. Run, Mahi

The weekend passed with a sense of quiet, as I grappled with the bombshell that Milo had let loose. 

They were brothers? 

They were brothers? 

The question didn't change the more I asked myself of it, but the confusion only multiplied. 

None of it made any sense. Cole had mentioned having a stepbrother in passing, but had always sworn that he went to another school, that they weren't close. That he was still resisting the joining of their families. A knot grew in my stomach, and I decided the only way to rid myself of it was to go on a run. 

But being alone on this run was the last thing I could have handled. So when I asked Katie, she showed up at my doorstep before I had even finished the sentiment. My heart warmed at the gesture. No matter how rocky things got, I always had Katie. I always would. 

Katie exhaled hard, as she sped up to match my pace, "And he never told you?" 

I shook my head, equal parts exhausted and confused, "Nope. He had mentioned a stepbrother, but it all seemed like such a big secret that I never bothered pressing him on it. Maybe I should have." 

"Technically, Milo wasn't supposed to come back to Crestwood for his senior year. I thought he was going to finish his senior year at that fancy prep school, so maybe he moved back to be closer to Cole?"

"That would make sense," I conceded, "I'm just so confused on how they managed to keep it a secret for so long."

She shrugged, "Boys don't talk. I'm convinced they're all in love with each other based on the idea of friendship, not the actual thing."

"I still can't believe I didn't know," I murmured, "We'd been with each other for so long, I can't believe I didn't notice, or he didn't at least try and tell me." 

Katie only growled, "Yeah I wouldn't beat myself up about it. Cole's been this way with you." 

"Doesn't he deserve the benefit of the doubt, at least?" I pumped my arms, trying not to control my breathing. 

"Hell no," she snorted, "He doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. And from what I heard this weekend, you deserve a lot better." 

I paused in the clearing that looped into the foothills of Saratoga. It was a beautiful spot, the way sunlight streamed in through the clearing, wrapped around me. 

Katie whooped, "Thank god. I thought you were trying to run away from me back there." 

"What did you mean by that?" I turned to face her, all the laughter gone from my tone. 

She frowned, still trying to catch her breath, "By what?" 

"When you said I deserved better. Better than Cole?" I pursed my lips, knowing what she wanted to tell me, what I already knew full well for myself but wasn't ready to confront. 

"Well, yeah," she started, "I mean you're not seriously considering forgiving him after that little stunt? Kissing another girl and then ending up in jail? And then he didn't even bother telling you that he was fine? He's selfish, Mahi, he always has been. So yeah, I think you could do a lot better."

I knew that she was right. Hell, even she knew she was right. 

But that residual affection for Cole, or that need for his attention, whichever it was, wrested control of the situation. 

"Maybe this is better. Maybe Cole's as good as it gets for me." 

Katie put her hands on her hips, "Don't try and be tough. There's always better out there. But only when you start believing you deserve better."