Conflate | Bellamy Blake ¹ ✓

※ | chapter twenty-three

❝i realize that only one person will be damaged beyond repair if peeta dies. me.❞

-katniss everdeen, mockingjay

♛

BELLAMY WASN'T MY FIRST kiss. That's a whole nother story involving a boy named Caleb that I dated at age fifteen pre-arrestment. He was the generic cute guy- dark hair, blue eyes, and teeth so straight it was almost uncanny.

Yeah, he turned out to be a jerk. I dumped him just two months before I was caught.

I had been in solitary for a year, which meant no human contact after I had been moved there. The most people I saw at a time where the two guards who brought my meals three times a day, and when they handed me the stupid notebook and pen that became my lifelines.

Solitary For a Year meant that I spent hours talking to walls instead of people in the distant hope that I wouldn't be socially awkward when - if - I ever got out. Solitary For a Year meant I hadn't kissed anyone since Caleb.

I guess I wasn't horrible, because Bellamy didn't appear to be disgusted at any point afterwards. He just seemed a little bit lighter on his feet like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

That same night, Jasper and I are back on gunpowder and bomb duty. As we walk to the dropship, he tries to explain the science behind it, but he's no Raven and so I can't understand a word he's saying. I'm more a visual learner anyway.

"And then when you mix the gunpowder with the--" Jasper's voice immediately cuts off when he holds the cloth to the dropship aside for me and notices Bellamy standing at the table, fumbling with pieces of scrap metal. Things between the two of them are tense because Jasper wants to attack the Grounders right now instead of waiting. The tension between them is so thick that it even makes me go silent.

When Jasper moves toward the ladder, Bellamy quickly turns around and asks, "Don't you think I want to go after them, too?"

Jasper stops walking and responds lowly, "If it was you out there, you think Monty, Clarke, or Finn would hide behind these walls?"

I bite my lip and put my hand on Jasper's shoulder, trying to avoid the gun in his hands. "Trust me, Jasper. It's taking all my willpower to stay here and think of a better plan when I want to charge into the Grounder camps as much as you do. Think about it- we don't even know where they are."

Jasper's lips pull into a line and sets the gun down on the table Bellamy had been leaning against, sending a sour look towards the boy. He grabs onto one of the rungs of the ladder and is stopped by Bellamy.

"Where are you going?"

Jasper raises his right hand in a mock salute. "More gunpowder for your minefield...Sir."

He climbs the ladder without another word, leaving Bellamy and I alone. Myles groans in pain from the far wall of the dropship. I make my way over to him and press the back of my hand against his forehead. It's warm and damp with sweat.

"How's he looking?" Bellamy asks, joining my side and examining the injured boy.

"Good for someone who was shot with three arrows," I respond, turning to the bowl of water that's sitting beside him. "Fever sometimes accompanies trauma, and I've kept the wounds as clean as possible."

"Water...please," Myles croaks out in a feeble tone. His eyes open to slits. When I look closer at the bowl, I notice there's no ripple. It's completely empty.

"I'll get it," Bellamy offers. "That way you can go upstairs and help Jasper with the gunpowder until I get back."

I nod gratefully at him, meeting his eyes. "Thank you."