The Quarterback's Girl

Chapter 38// "It's when you like to do the dirty with no strings attached"

Chapter 38// "It's when you like to do the dirty with no strings attached"

"Dear Dawson, my sexy Crescent,

I really fucked things up this time. This is going to make me sound like a absolute pussy but it needs to be said.

When Daniel told you I saw the sadness in your eyes but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything to take way your pain. All I kept repeating in my head was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

There are 1,013,913 words in the English dictionary but no matter what I could never string together any of them to describe how much I love you. How much I still love you and will always love you.

I should have kissed you one more while I had the chance.

Really Dawson I wonder if you stay up late thinking about me. I stay up thinking about how I could I have done things differently. I stay up late wishing that I could turn back time. I lie awake cursing the universe for screwing up timing and wonder if I ever cross your innocent mind. I wonder if you dream about me like I dream about you and if your heart aches when you hear my name.

Because even though I'm a guy Cress, I have feeling too, especially when it comes to you, just sometimes I'm too embarrassed to show it. I feel broken, I feel angry with myself, I stay up because I miss you, I loathe myself for hurting you and I miss the sound of you voice telling me you loved me.

I can't sit there everyday, watching your heart break every time you walk past me but I'm also selfish because I can't bare the thought of you not being in my arms, I can't bare to see you fall in love with another guy.

I can't forgive myself, so I don't blame you for not forgiving me either.

I'm not coming back Cress, not ever. Maybe we'll meet again when we're slightly older and our lives are less hectic and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your mind and poison to your heart.

I'm a big mess, and that's the last thing you need right now...

...But this mess loves you endlessly.

From Elliott.

I sit there for a moment feeling lost, empty.

I have to put my hand to my mouth to cover up the sobs. I run my finger over his name, which was scribbled at the bottom. My Elliott.

My stupid Elliott, he really has left me and he's not coming back. As it sinks in I feel like I was slowly losing all hope because I thought I could handle the pain of being away from him but I can't....

I look at the piece of paper carefully and see tiny stains of dried up water, my throat tightens even further.

Tear stains. I couldn't even bear the thought of Elliott crying. Personally I had never seen him cry but even the thought was unbearable.

I feel anger rise in me. Because if he was to climb through my window at this very moment I would take him back in a heartbeat, but I felt as time passed my desperation for him would disappear.
I was about to chuck the envelope inside until I heard a metallic click on the inside, my eyebrows furrow in confusion. I gently place my hand inside and feel cold metal. I pull out a chain.

The pendant on it was of a wolf and a Crescent moon. The necklace he gave to me on my birthday, the necklace I threw at him when I was angry with him. I had felt empty without it.

I wonder how he got it back, because from what I remember Winter telling me, he went to hit Daniel and then was dragged out the place. He remembered. And he got it back.

I mentally curse the world as well for fucking things up for us.

Elliott still loved me. And the feeling that I kissed Conner today made me feel like I have betrayed Elliott. I felt like a bad person. So is that the feeling Elliott felt all the time since we broke up.