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ANSWERS: Dialogue

1. How would you write dialogue with a dialect?

This example is from Diana Gabaldon's Scottish brogue in her novel Outlander :

"There was nae doubt, ye see, of Colum's courage, nor yet of his mind, but only of his body. 'Twas clear he'd never be able to lead his men into battle again. . . . So a suggestion was made that Colum be allowed to become laird, as he should in the ordinary way, and Dougal be made war chieftain, to lead the clan in time of battle."

Remember: Whatever combination of techniques you use to render an accent or dialect in dialogue, use them with a light hand. It's tempting, because it's easiest, to write a dialect or accent phonetically, but if you overdo this, you'll confuse, bore, insult, or possibly even lose your readers.

2. How would you write dialogue for a character with a blunt personality?

"See you later!" Hallie said as she turned to leave.

"Wait," her mother paused. "You're wearing way too much eye makeup, and I can't believe you'd think you'd be able to leave this house in that short of a skirt." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared straight into Hallie's eyes.

Hallie copied her mother, "What I have on is fine. I am leaving." She turned to leave again before her mother could say another word.

Do you see how blunt Hallie was to her mother? She might not be blunt all the time, but she definitely was in this situation.

3. How would you write dialogue for a character that is an expertise in her field?

Sally grinned at the newly appointed Board Member sitting in front of her, "The quantity of a commodity demanded depends on the price of that commodity and potentially on many other factors, such as the prices of other commodities, the incomes and preferences of consumers, and seasonal effects. You can't just spit out a price from thin air and expect it to succeed. We must consider the factors regulating this price beforehand."

Notice a bunch of words that might not make sense to you? Well, Sally is an expert in her field of supply and demand. Yet, I added those last lines of dialogue to bring in some context and simplify the point Sally was making so all readers may still understand what's going on.

4. Which of the following sentences has properly formatted dialogue?

A) "Are you okay?" She asked.

B) Leah looked away, "Yeah."

C) "Are you sure?!"

D) "Positive!" Leah screeched.

B and D are correct.

The only thing to fix in A is she should be lowercase.

In C, you have a question mark and an exclamation mark. Never do this. You can fix this by adding specific attribution. You have two options:

"Are you sure?" she shouted.

or

"Are you sure!" she asked.

Now, with the attribution, the effects of both a question mark and an exclamation mark are apparent to the readers.

5. Does this line of dialogue need fixing? If so, how would you fix it?

"Come, now" he said, "It's starting to rain."

Yes, there should be a comma after now: "Come, now," he said, "It's starting to rain."

6. Is this redundant? If so, why?

"But I want to splash in the puddles!" the child exclaimed.

Yes, because the dialogue ends with an exclamation mark, yet the attribution also says exclaimed.

7. How would you write the dialogue after this line where the child mimics his older brother?

"You'll get muddy," the older brother said.

"'You'll get muddy,'" the younger brother said.

Note how the single quotation marks are inside the double quotation marks as well as the comma is inside all the quotation marks.

8. Does this line of dialogue convey the character's attitude? What is he feeling?

"We're going, now," the older brother said.

Yes, he's feeling authoritative, or at least trying to.

9. The following line is mixed with exposition. What emotion is the character emitting here?

"You can't make me," the little boy said with his hands on his hips. "You're not my father."

From the use of dialogue and the showing of body language, the little boy is trying to act not so little.

10. What would you say is the relationship between these two characters based on their dialogue alone?

"Hey, have you spoken with him yet?" she whispered.

"No. Would you quit asking!" He rolled his eyes.

"But what about our issue?"she prodded.

He brushed her aside, "There is no issue."

"Come on," she whined.

"Would you just drop it?" he asked gritting his teeth.

This is definitely a tense situation. Whatever the issue could be, either way, that guy is seriously annoyed by her. Perhaps they're acquaintances or less than that. What do you think?

11. First of all, what's wrong with this excerpt? How could you fix it?

"Betty! It's so good to see you, dear." Margaret smiled at her in the food market aisle.

Betty smiled, "You too, Margaret! How're the kids?"

"Oh, they're wonderful. How's everything with Rick?"

"Same thing every day, but he's happy!"

"That's what matters," Margaret said nodding her head.

Betty smiled.

Wow! Is this boring! It's empty chit-chat. You never want that in dialogue. Dialogue should have a purpose. Empty chit-chat's only purpose is increasing your word-count, and that's not always a good thing. How's this for revamping?

"Betty! It's so good to see you, dear." Margaret smiled at her in the food market aisle.

Betty grimaced, "You too, Margaret! How're the kids?"

"Oh, they're wonderful." Margaret quickly looked behind Betty before asking, "How's everything with Rick?"

Betty looked at the ground before making eye contact with her. "Same thing every day," she paused, "but he's happy!"

"That's what matters," Margaret said nodding her head.

Betty grimaced.

Can you feel the tension? How uncomfortable these two are? What or who is Margaret looking at behind Betty? Could it be someone Margaret is trying to help hear gossip about Rick? Oh, the potential drama!

Adding those details and body language really draws a different effect and expands what was originally empty chit-chat into compelling dialogue.